Ripple | ✔ (Old Story)

Chapter 47

When I woke up, the void next to me was empty and cold like he'd never been there and I start to think if it was all a dream.
I pull the covers off of my body and find my bare legs. And it assured me it wasn't all a dream. His hoodie and my jeans safely hanging onto the chair in front of my desk, but there wasn't any sign of him.

I let my lips curl into a faint smile as the thoughts of last night flood my mind. The way we were fighting then, how he used that to fuel more of his desire and clear my feelings for him. I can't believe we were screaming our lungs out, fighting over everything, and we ended up there. His hands all over my body and mine on his.
I can still see the way he looked at me.

But no matter how good it felt, I still won't be able to deny the fact that the way I was desperate and the way I felt like I need him was wrong. It was sinful to ask someone to be that close, to almost begging because he's like a drug. I've never done that with anyone, and I never planned on doing so until him.

My heart clenches at the surprising words he said:

"I won't touch you...not yet at least. Not until I know you trust me."

It eased the doubt and fear in me at that moment. It calmed me down because I knew I was safe with him, that he wouldn't do anything further than whatever I could've said. I just wonder if anything would've changed. Will he be nice to me now? Will he stop with his mood changes? A million questions flood my mind.

Shaking the thoughts out of my head before I relive them again, I grab some clothes and head to the bathroom.

Looking into the mirror I gasped at the sight bringing my hand up to my mouth. Thank God Julia isn't here to see this.

My hair was a mess, it was wet and sticky from all the sweat. My face was just as dull, but my lips were plump and red. The shirt I had worn to the interview almost trashed and my neck, oh my neck. Black and blue marks littered my skin even up so my jaw, no one could ignore them. I trace my hand on each one as the cause of them flashed in my mind. He surely left a mark on me. Without thinking twice I ran towards my drawers to find a suitable turtle neck to wear and help cover up these hickies. I would have to do everything else with some makeup if I don't I sure would get questioned.

Finally settling on another one of my black turtlenecks, I got into the shower and let it wash away just a bit of my sins.

The thought of my mother finding out about the things I have done ever since I've arrived here in LA flood my already clouded mind. She would be ashamed of me, or worse, worried. We spent our lives trying to make me better, to make sure I lived a moral life to prove to my dad or any men in general we don't need them, but last night, I was begging. It's embarrassing to think of it. However, each time I try to erase it, nothing happens. The worst part—he didn't even touch me.

Thinking back on it now, it has barely even been a month since I came here and time went by so fast yet so slow. When I'm with Chase, it's like it just stops. A few weeks then I would have been crying here on my bathroom floor wondering what I'm letting myself become, yet now, here I stand with sexual thoughts in my mind. I don't feel like myself, but isn't that what I wanted? To find me and confirming that I don't know who I am is the first step—right? You have to break something down first before you can fix it—right?

Finished with my thought-full shower I head to my desk to do my makeup covering up everything I need to and putting more than I usually would. Perhaps masking my shameful thoughts too?

It's only eight-thirty and I surely wouldn't want to miss any lessons today considering the fact that I had already missed one day.
And also because I had to deal with Apollo sending me many texts wondering if I would be one because he had to wait for so long yesterday. Poor Apollo, I feel terrible.