BROKEN BEYOND REPAIR

ALEXIA KING

After arriving in Seattle, I come straight to my place.

Martin, Rohn, and Joseph are sitting in the living room, looking gloomy. They stand just as I walk in but I keep walking to my room.

"Alex-"

"Martin and Rohn, if you guys think, you were loyal to me and my love then you both are most welcome in this apartment, and Joseph, go back to uni and switch off all lights and pull down all the curtains while you guys are on your way out. I don't want light reaching me" My voice sounds strange. A shell of what it was before. I don't feel my lips moving.

They might have said something but I'm not sure. My mind is on Kevin.

He wanted to pull me out of my darkness. Fine by me. He'll see what I'm when I behave normally.

He thought I can't touch girls. He'll realize his mistake when I'll touch them.

I'll cry and shout for days or weeks but when I go to college, next month, he'll regret what he did to me.

For few days, I keep crying and reminiscing about my happy time with Kevin. After the next few days, I start my workout and kickboxing. I lose some soft fat and gain some muscles. Well, it's impossible to become muscular and gain abs in one month but I feel stronger.

I don't step out of my apartment. My phone is broken, so I don't know if anyone has called. I changed the password of my apartment. I can't cook so I ordered only fitness food.

I'm missing my classes and finals are around the corner. But who cares? I have nothing to lose and I don't have any goal in my life.

I'm right now in left-wing, breaking the useless lock. It's not required now. Jessica is gone. I don't have any burden. I feel liberated as if a huge block of stone has been lifted off my chest. But I still can't find myself be thankful for what Kevin did. He might have sacrificed our love for my freedom but what he didn't get was that while I could have lived with this load till my death but with his betrayal, my every day is dragging as a death day.

I loved him.

Some of you might be thinking, why did I choose this place to hide her. You'll be not much surprised to know but right now where I'm standing in the same place where they kept me. My left wing was their den and in the apartment where I was hiding Jessica is the place where they 3 lived for those 3 months. Quite smart and foolish of me but I kept her hidden for 7 years but one Man, one single man, came like a bright light and blinded me from seeing anything but him.

Fucking Kevin Emerson. I should have never trusted him but I wanted him to know the reality so that he could save his feelings and what he did? He didn't even blink before breaking my heart.

I wipe my tears harshly and open the last parcel. The whip.

I remove my top and bra, gagged my mouth, and start to whip myself.

I wish Aliana King was not my mother, don't get me wrong, I love her. She's the best and I'm dying in guilt because I hurt her, intentionally or unintentionally.

I don't want to be her daughter because she made her children strong enough to never commit suicide. I'm not weak to do so but I want to harm myself and see blood.

I'm not a masochist to hurt myself but I don't have anyone. I'm a fucking sadist but a girl has to do something to at least feel something.

I close my eyes and whip myself until my hands hurt. I'm crying but not in pain. I'm frustrated.

My grip loosens on the whip and I remove the gag from my mouth. I don't realize when I have fallen on my knees.

I stand with shaking knees and collect my clothes. Dragging my beaten body to my bedroom. Standing in front of a wall mirror, I turn my back to see it the same as what it was 7 years ago. Whipped and bloody. I watch it for a long and feel my eyes getting heavy.