BROKEN BEYOND REPAIR

ALEXIA KING

Since.

Heavy silence.

He is driving in complete silence as if I am not sitting just beside him. He has this look on his face when he is calculating and deep in his thoughts. With his one hand on the wheel and the other holding my wrist, he drives aimlessly. At least that's what I thought before he stopped at 'Seattle Aquarium'

"What are we doing here?"

"There is something I want to show you"He turns his face in my direction to look at me directly and I am taken aback by the small smiling playing on his lips.

Not a smirk or grin. Just a small sincere smile. The type of smile you give to a child who is scared and unwilling to try something. Looking back, I should have seen the differences. My Aunt smiled too broad and her eyes shined like sunlight falling on seawater. I should have not thought of those as gems. I should have taken those warning signals and ran back to my parents. I look closely at Kevin's smile. Should I trust him? What if it's a ploy? What if he drags me back to hell? He can't even if he tried to because I live in that hell. 

He is still smiling but his eyes are searching my face, trying to figure out something and his body is leaning as far as possible from me. 

I take back what I said in the morning. He is not looking at me as if I am some lab experiment. This look is of him deciding how to handle a wounded animal and at the same time planning to keep it for himself.

"You can inform your friends or parents about your location and who you are with, if it makes you feel safe" He offers, now looking out of the window.

"No one can protect me. They never did" I whisper.

Yes, I am angry even at my parents. I blame them. I blame myself. I blame everyone.

His head snaps in my direction with a frown marring his handsome face and all I want is to smooth it out of his face. He should be attending classes or spending time with his girlfriend but here he is, throwing pity my way.

His tortured expression doesn't change and it only intensified when his hand came up to hold my face between his palms and I lean in to absorb his warmth, relishing the feel of his touch on my skin.

"I am sorry" I meet his eyes, confused "I am sorry they made you feel this way"

A lone tear escapes my eyes and I don't wipe it. I can't move my gaze away from this beautiful even if I try.

No one has ever apologized to me for feeling these emotions. Dr. Phil says that I shouldn't feel this way. That I shouldn't blame my parents but she doesn't know, if I don't put my anger on someone else then I would put it on me. I will harm myself. Not that Kevin is agreeing that I should blame my parents but he is also not making me feel guilty for my emotions. This man is genuinely sorry for me and he believes in his heart that my parents should have earned my forgiveness. Shouldn't they have by now? But what he doesn't know is that I didn't give them any opportunities but what do I do about the fact that I am also not giving opportunities to Kevin but he finds me from my safety of darkness and drags me to this light, where all I see is him. Where he makes me feel that I am not lost. But how long will he stand at the threshold of my gloomy life? One day he would step in and I will lose his light. The longer he stays with me, the more chance of me dragging him with me, and what if I get selfish and never let him go?

"You don't know what I am talking about"

He pecks my forehead and wipes my tears before pulling away and stepping out of the car and opening my door with his hand stretched for me to take.