Stigma ✔

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A veryy long chapter ahead, kindly find something (or someone) to hug. 

[Not Edited]

Kim SeokJin

I stared at her retreating back with a huge weight settled in my heart.

What just happened?

I knew the group behind me had just witnessed everything and were similarly shocked into silence. None of the ten people spoke a word as I continued to stare at the hallway that no longer had her.

Joy, Yeri and Wendy ran behind their leader while Seulgi stopped in front of me enough to slip a note in my hand and give me a look that clearly told to open the note in private.

My members take hold of my shoulders and slowly pull me towards the stage. Namjoon puts a hand around my back and quietly asks me, "Are you okay, Hyung?" I look at the crumpled note in my hand and nod.

No. I am not okay.

He sighs before taking hold of my shoulders and turns me to face him. "Hyung, I don't know what you must be going through right now but I want to ask you to keep it together till the performance is over. We will solve whatever problem it is after the performance. Can you do this for us, Hyung? Can you keep it together for ARMY?"

Anything. I can do anything for BTS and ARMY.

His words are like a soothing balm on my intangible injuries. I look into his passion filled eyes and see the young boy befit to be the leader of BTS. I nod my head once and give him a silent promise to do my best as I stuff the note deep in my pockets.

He smiles before taking his mic set and passing one to me as we get ready for our performance.

I will come for you, JooHyun-ah.  I will find what you are hiding even if it is the last thing I will do but for now, my members and fans are waiting for me.

__

We came back from the stage in high spirits. The performance was beyond perfect and seeing the pride on Hobi's face after a mistake-free stage was a literal mood-lifter. We quickly wiped off the sweat and reapplied a little make-up before leaving to join the idols waiting for the last 3 daesangs to be awarded.

We made our way to the table and sat down, finally letting the exhaustion take over as all of us slouched in our seats breathless.  I put my hand in my pockets to remove the tissue paper that stylist noona usually stuffs in and my hands come in contact with a piece of paper. Suddenly, I remember what it was and thank heavens that I did not pull it out right away.

The fans were always very perceptive and all-knowing. If I removed Seulgi's note from my pocket and read it now, fans will see the whole situation and create wild ideas about it.

I push it back deep into my pockets and remove the tissue and start wiping my face. The award show resumes after a short break and now only the last three awards are left. I space out looking at the small flower arrangement on my table as various thoughts run in my mind.

I am so confused.

Did something happen when I was not in Korea? Did she finally realize that she doesn't really like me and wants to keep distance? 

No, I can't let that happen. 

She means more to me than anyone ever did in my life. This one month without her was hard enough for me. I don't think I can live my entire life without her. My members, my music and my fans will help me survive but I need her in my life to live.