Michaeng S/F Book ( Being Edited⚠ )

Not really an update. Vent✅

I need to vent. All these thoughts in my head.

With the trembling of my lips I can't convey to you through words the feelings in my heart. Quick, take my heart, it's going to erupt in heartache. Don't throw it away, please no. Break it if you must, but don't disgard of the organ that holds my love for you. Every raw emotion on my face can you read it now like you've been able to do before? Don't look at the tear streaming down my face, look into my eyes, the abyss filled with sorrow and tell me how I'm feeling. Don't touch me. I can't stay on my feet when your soft hands touch me like that, although it means nothing. Don't give me that look. With those eyes full of confusion. Don't you know I've fallen for you? Why are you denying me the right to love you? Is it because you're simply afraid? What are you afraid of? Do you fear me abandoning you as do I of you? Or are you afraid to lose yourself to me like I have of you? With all this pain, sadness leaves me grief stricken. And yet I still love you, cry for you, mask my pain for you, laugh with tears for you. You. A beautiful disaster in my wake. Cosume me in your storm and shatter the walls of my heart. I've been a bigger mess before. If your eyes could speak, they'd dare me to keep following you although I'm in deep despondency. Don't do that, don't give me false hope, I'm too gullible to be led astray. And yet I allow you to do just that. Break me. And all for what? Love? Yes. In the name of love I've sacrificed my heart. Please hold it gently as I would do with yours. Oh no, I hear a crack and a shatter of it once more. Look what you've done to my heart, and yet I pick it up at your feet to give back to you with broken tape and naive hopefulness. I adore you. I adore you with all my heart. I adore you with my whole being. Is that not love? When I whisper your name amidst the night, the stars echo it back. I've confessed my feelings for you to them and they smile at me in pity. I give you my all, do you notice? A little bit of this, a little bit of that. But you take it all and never say thank you. My love your gratitude is not needed. I know what I deserve. I love you, I say. Your silence makes me anxious. Sometimes its silence and sometimes it's something mean and it makes me sad. That's okay, I shouldn't expect you to love me back. Who am I to be loved by someone like you? A broken soul and yet beautiful and smart. Could you lie to me? Just this once? Tell me you love me too. I'll smile even though I know the truth. Ah, don't mind my tears once more. I'm glad you exist, but could you stop making me suffer? You're again, the storm that has come into my path. Pity me a bit longer before destroying my whole being. Break my heart honestly. Be the good person I always believe you are even if you're dangerous to me now. I love you. I say so over and over. I love you. Are you listening? Can you hear me? Can you comprehend my words? Please don't go, I'm desperate to love you. Don't hide your emotions, I need to know the truth. Don't cowar in doubt. Tell me what could be. You're looking away when I'm staring at you. Don't you know you're my whole world? What don't I know about you? Oh yes, your true feelings. Stop hiding from me! I feel lost, confused, caught in a daze. I'm running to find you, come back, don't run away. These dark places are getting scary. Could you be my light? I'm scared. I'm sad. Again, lie to me. I'll smile easily but my heart will be reckless. Let me love you dammit. Let me in. I need you. I spend nights thinking about you. Sleepless and staring into the void. Why can't I see you when my eyes are open? Stop hiding from me. I tire only seeing you in my dreams. Listening, smiling, wanting to touch you. But you're not real. This isn't a movie, then why am I wishing you'll throw rocks at my window? Why am I wishing to travel across the country for you, to see you, to hold you, to never let you go? How am I still breathing even though I feel like I'm dying in sorrow? You keep me going I suppose. But I don't wish to suffer. I don't wish to have these overwhelming feelings for you only for you to deny me the right to love you. I love you! I'm screaming now. I love you! Can you hear me where you are? Please listen. I'm hopelessly in love. This is how I am. How my heart is. Please accept it. Please accept everything I am with all my vulnerability. I'm reaching out, so take my hand. Listen to me say your name. Look at me smile when I look at you. Understand my love for you. I promise I'd never hurt you again. Please believe me. I'm madly in love with you. This didn't happen in weeks. Don't leave me in the void, I'm lost without you. Come join me in this world. For once let's stop time and be with one another wholeheartedly. Even in silence I'll be content. Don't leave me alone. I've come to the conclusion that you're rare. And I do not wish to find anyone else so special. I love you. Look me in my eyes and listen to me. I love you. As I whisper, I tell you the truth. I love you.

Thanks for letting me vent in my own way. -Drea