Calum Hood Imagines

BGM - You're Anxious

I keep writing this and hating it and starting over

Un request

Calum
Sometimes life really got to you. Some people would say you woke up on the wrong side of the bed, others would claim you were being overly pessimistic, or maybe that you needed to spend less time in front of a screen and more time outdoors. The latter you'd tried once, walking outside for some fresh air and also straight into a wasp that didn't take the intrusion into its personal space very well, and your mood soured even more as you had to nurse several angry stings on your arms as well as your poor mood.

It wasn't until you were older that you got a name for that feeling you'd known all your life, anxiety. Anxiety was that pit in the base of your stomach when you had to meet your kindergarten class for the first time and leave your mother behind at home. Anxiety was the moisture that cling to your palms when it was your turn to present to the class, and the gnawing feeling afterward that you'd done poorly and your classmates were silently judging you. Anxiety was what made you lay awake, staring at your plain white ceiling and think of all of the mistakes you'd made and cringe at the disappointed looks  on the faces of your family and friends.

Anxiety wasn't always attacking your senses, but it was always simmering in the back of your mind, making you second guess your decisions and the behavior of those around you. As you'd gotten older and mildly more rational, some of your childhood anxieties had disappeared, you cared a little bit less about what strangers had to think and felt a little bit better about taking up space. Generally, you could make it through a day without feeling particularly anxious about anything, something you were proud of.

However, you were imperfect and mental health was not a straight shot to wellness, and you often found yourself taking a few steps back before you could move forward.

Calum knew. He knew that it was hard for you to introduce yourself to new people, that sometimes you didn't like having to go out to eat and be in a social setting, and that thinking about the future sometimes made your heartbeat speed up painfully. So he held your hand a little bit tighter when he introduced you to his friends, he'd order takeout and get it from the delivery man when you couldn't handle any more stranger interaction, and he'd do his best to reassure you about your shared future, that at the very least, you wouldn't be alone.

You'd been doing especially well lately, or least you felt like you had been. Things seemed to be all falling into place. Your new job was going especially well, your coworkers were friendly and helpful as you adjusted, and your boss was all about promoting a healthy work life balance which meant that you weren't constantly sitting in a tiny cubicle worried about pressing deadlines like your last job. You and Calum had recently gotten a house that you were quickly transforming into a home. There was no more apartment hopping which was becoming increasingly unsustainable as you never seemed to have the outfit you wanted to wear at the apartment you were staying at, either Calum's or your own, and it felt somewhat silly to spend so much renting out an apartment you spent barely half of your nights at. So you'd gone hunting and found a house outside of the city that had room, it had a garden that seemed to be relatively wasp free, and a yard for Duke to run around in without having to be walked to a dog park. You and Calum finally had a bedroom that you'd created together, your bed, your pictures hung on the walls, your closets full of all of your stuff, nothing awkwardly split between two places. Your relationship had been progressing wonderfully, Calum had began to seep into every facet of your life, his music was in your playlists, his favorite shade of blue just so happened to be the color of your most used sweater, and his friends has slowly but surely become your own. And amazingly, you could see Calum doing the same for you, getting up early to eat breakfast with you when he didn't have to, wearing the cologne that you loved more often than not, sometimes you even came home to hear him on the phone with one of your family members because he enjoyed talking to them and being a part of your extended family.