Friends With Benefits (Gerard Way FanFiction)

Pieces

*Jovie POV

I gasped as I opened my eyes. My eyes darted around the room feverishly, I gave my heartbeat a chance to slow down back to normal and blinked a few times.

No.

Im back in this damned hospital room. No, no, no! I tossed my head back against the pillow and gulped.

Why??? Im suppose to be dead. I remember trying to take my life in the bathroom at my dorm, I was obviously unsuccessful...

I look down at my wrists, they're bandaged. I unravel the cloth, the cuts that almost ended my life where stitched up. I hear someone clear their throat, I quickly turn my head towards the sound and see Gerard leaning against the wall. Hes only in his pajama pants and slip on sandals, his face is pale except for around his eyes which were red as if he had been crying. He looks like a mess just like the last time I was in the hospital.

Hes just staring at me like he doesn't know what to say. I bet hes so disappointed in me, I expected him to get angry with me or lecture me but instead he comes close to me and holds me in a embrace.

"Your alive... I thought I lost you." He said with relief, he held me like he never wanted to let go.

It seemed like forever before he let go of me. He placed both of his hands on my shoulders and looked me in the eye.

"Stop blaming yourself for what happened. I cant believe I allowed this to happen, I cant believe I let you feel this way. You're never alone, im there, okay? Just please, talk to me, tell me how you feel, open up and I'll listen. Dont ever think no one will care if you were gone. You may not realise it but you are surrounded by people who love you. Jovie, you are very important and you matter, dont ever think less of yourself. If I wouldn't have woke up, even if I found you a minute later, you would have been dead." Gerard said sincerely.

"I want to be dead." I muttered under my breath. Gerards face went dead serious.

"Dont say that ever again." He whispered.

"You dont understand! No one understands, no one listens!" I said raising my voice. No know gets it, they cant tell me what to feel when they haven't been in my shoes! My parents always said, 'Your too young to be depressed, you have no real problems' or 'You cant be sad because theres people out there who have it worse than you' what bullshit!

"Plenty of people listen to what you have to say." Gerard said trying yo calm me down.

"Just because they can hear me, doesn't mean they're listening to me..." I mumbled. Theres a big difference, sure, they can hear my voice, anyone with ears can. But when you actually listen to me, you're taking into consideration what im telling you and you're actually giving a fuck. Hearing and listening, two completely different things. I felt myself getting emotional, life was just getting too much to take.

"Everythings so bad, I dont want to do it anymore! You say it'll get better but nothings getting better at all! Id rather be dead so I wouldnt have to deal with this anymore!" I yelled with my eyes swelling up with tears.

"Jovie, calm down. Suicide isnt the answer. Suicide doesn't end the chances of life getting worse, suicide ends the chances of life getting better. Remember im there for you, you have me, Naomi, Frank, Toby, Ray, Bob, Lyn-Z, you have alot of people who care about you and want to help you." He sat in the chair next to my bed and grabbed my hand, trying to sooth me.

"I KNOW suicides not the answer... but it was the only option left, I had nothing else to turn to, I was at a dead end." I said, I took a deep breath and calmed myself down. I wiped the tears out of my eyes.