Guardian Angels ✔

91 - Trustworthiness

Juice didn't dare to look up; it even felt like the silence was pressing him down so heavily he couldn't even raise his head. It continued for such a horrible long time that he almost jumped in shock when Jax did begin to talk. 

"Are you saying..." His voice sounded low, threatening. "That Shane is a girl? And that you knew that all along?"

Juice barely dared to breathe. Even breathing felt like an unforgivable sin. 

"Her name is Alex," he answered quietly. "Alex Epps. She's Sack's sister."

Skittishly he looked up, hoping to see a glimpse of understanding in Jax's eyes. He didn't find it. The thought that it had been a woman who had taunted him, only made things worse. 

"I don't understand why you kept this to yourself, Juice."

"Her brother died when she was on a mission in Iraq. She missed out on the funeral while they were very close. They had no other family. For her, this was a way to say her goodbyes and I respected it. Getting her top rocker was her way to honor him, especially because he died before he earned that patch himself. She said she would reveal her true identity once she'd earned her top rocker."

"So Jaeden isn't her brother at all?"

"No." It didn't sit right with him that Jax asked him that, out of all the questions he must have. 

"If she lied about that — and about her identity — what convinces us that her ties to Sack aren't lies either?"

"I saw pictures of Kip and her. Jaeden is her best friend. He was with her in Iraq and because I believed Alex was acting reckless, I asked him to talk to her." He bit his lip. "I wanted her to throw in the towel. Instead of convincing her to quit, Jaeden started prospecting himself."

"If you wanted her out of the danger zone, you simply could have told us who she was."

Juice swallowed an annoyed sigh. As if things were that easy. "She would never have looked at me again."

"You think that's more important than putting the club in danger with her presence?" Jax huffed. 

"She's never been a threat to the club. She's a good asset. If not, you wouldn't have send her to the gun deal."

"Then why did you want her to quit?"

"Why?" Indignantly, Juice balled his fists. Was Jax really that insensitive? He had a wife, he had children. He should know how Juice felt, right? "Because I love her! Because I don't want her to die, just like all other prospects! Because she's carrying my child! This club means so much to her that she's willing to die for it, despite the child she's carrying!"

Cursing, Jax massaged his temples. "Unbelievable," he grumbled. "This is just unbelievable. All this time there was a woman under our noses and none of us saw it. I just... I just can't believe you kept it to yourself!!"

Juice's eyes shot to Kozik. When was he going to say something? Kozik answered his glance and sighed. "I knew it too. A few weeks ago she smashed up the bathroom and when I wanted to check up on her, I saw a pregnancy test. Yeah — I should have told it. But this is so important for her, and after she saved my life it felt like I would stab her in the back. Personally, I have nothing against patching her in."

Jax snorted. "You can't be serious!" His eyes shot from Bobby to Tig, clearly expecting them to be on his side. 

Tig shrugged his shoulders. "I don't care what's in her pants. Doesn't change anything about her qualities."

"But she lied to us!" Jax called out. "How can we ever trust her again? Someone ratted on us, and we have no reason to doubt the other three!"

"It might just have been someone from the other party," Bobby spoke calmly. "We shouldn't draw our conclusions too fast. Let Juice search the police database. Maybe he'll find something that will lead to the rat. But I don't believe that Shane — Alex — would send herself to jail to give birth to a child."

Juice flinched. 

His child would be born in a prison. It hadn't even crossed his mind. He couldn't even hold her hand, he couldn't share in her joy. It might take months before he would be able to hold his baby in his arms. And how would the other inmates respond to a pregnant woman? Sure — Alex would stand her ground, but once she was heavily pregnant she was very vulnerable. He noticed his breathing was speeding up, his throat felt shore and he swallowed. 

"We don't have to decide about Alex's fate now," Kozik spoke. "We have to arrange protection — for all of them."

"Nobody knows that Alex is one of us," Bobby said. "Maybe we should leave it that way. No visits, no phone calls."

"W-what?" Juice looked at him, feeling lost. Did he really suggest that he couldn't visit his pregnant girl for only the heavens knew how long? 

"It's for her own safety, Juice," Bobby said. "When nobody knows about her ties to us, nobody has a reason to hurt her."

Juice dropped his eyes. 

There was a truth in his words. The safety of Alex and their child was more important than everything else, but the thought that he couldn't see her or even speak to her made him freeze. 

He paid no attention to the continuation of their meeting. It meant that Alex would be all alone, and he was afraid he would never sleep peacefully until the day she was set free. 

Looking like a zombie, he got up when Jax ended the conversation with a bang of the gavel. He hadn't heard half of what had been said, but he did know it was his job to find the mole. He was glad about it, at least it would lead his thoughts away from Alex. 

One by one they left the room, but before Juice could walk through the door, a hand clutched around his upper arm. He looked aside, right into Jax's cold blue eyes. 

"You lied to me, you chose pussy over your brothers. Don't think I'll forget about that. From now on you'll have to convince me that you're more than a lying piece of shit, if not I will strip your patch off your kutte, no matter what the others say."

It felt like Jax hit him with a iron bar against the head. His words were so unexpected and sounded so hateful it felt like he was breathing in a freezing cold. Jax snorted; for a moment Juice feared that he would spit right in his face. 

"Make yourself useful," his president grumbled, pushing him away. 

In silence Juice turned around; there was a giant pit in his stomach. He had been so worried about Alex he hadn't realized how easy he had almost gotten away with it.... And now, it became clear it would take a long, long time before he'd earned Jax's trust and respect again.