Guardian Angels ✔

63 - Intruder

"Wanna go home?"

Kozik looked over his shoulder. He had been staring forward, to a girl that was using the stripper pole – although he hadn't really been looking. Everything just felt overwhelming. He had thought to feel relief to be in the clubhouse again after more than two weeks, but the music was too loud, the laughter of the others too shrill, the special attention of the girls too tiring. He wondered if the ladies had really missed him or that they just had the hots for crippled guys and it gave him a tightening feeling in the chest. 

This would be his life from now on. In a wheelchair, only half his former height. He would never ride again, he would probably even lose his cut soon. Shane tried to convince him that he could get a prothesis, but Kozik knew it wasn't taken for granted and he didn't want to get his hopes up. 

"Nah I'm fine." He gave Shane a brief smile. 

He lived with the prospect for four days now and the guy had been an amazing help. There were no words to express his gratefulness, to tell him how much this meant to him. Although the guy was denying it, Kozik knew that he was a heavy burden so he just wanted Shane to have fun tonight. 

"Don't worry about me. Go find yourself a hot chick and have some fun." He smirked as Shane turned his head to a group of sweetbutts. "The one on the left, with the dark hair. She's good. Tireless."

"We can't have that, huh? You'd be waiting hours for me."

"Well you deserve that, after all the good care," he winked. 

Shane's hands slipped into his pockets. "Nah, I'm good. I don't need a chick right now. Mila, you know..."

Mila. Right.

Kozik knew that wasn't the real reason why he was not interested in the croweaters and he wondered how long if would take before Shane dared to admit it. 

"Whatever kid. But you shouldn't grieve over that chick. It's sweet that she stops by now and then to keep me company, but if it makes you feel uncomfortable I'm gonna ask some of the girls around here."

"No I don't mind," he said quickly – a little too quickly. "Maybe uh, maybe you're right. Maybe I should try to have some fun with someone else. Then uh, see you later?"

Kozik chuckled softly. No way that he was going to that girl. He was probably going to take a smoke outside, making Kozik believe he was humping a chick. 

"Gimme another hour okay?" he said. "After that I doubt I have the energy to get in bed." He looked around to see which of his brothers was the most drunk. 

Definitely Tig. He rolled the wheelchair to his friend. 

"Yo drunken asshole. Why don't ya let me win a game of darts? Have a chronic lack of euphoria."

"Sure brotha." Tig laid an arm around his shoulder, but since Kozik was sitting so low it felt more like a headlock. He moved the wheelchair to the corner and picked up three darts from the table. 

It was a challenge, playing darts while sitting. But it was easier than playing pool seated; he could barely see the balls. 

As expected, Tig's drunk head made a bad player of him, and Kozik discovered after some time that he was actually doing well from this position. At least there was one thing he could still do.

. . .

After an hour, someone rolled his wheelchair backwards. "C'mon granny, it's time for your beauty sleep."

Yawning, Kozik agreed. He yelled a goodbye to the others and leaned back lazily as Shane pushed the wheelchair outside. It didn't take long before Juice showed up next to them. 

"Hey," he said. "It's not that late. You wanna watch a movie?"

"Nah I'm fine," Shane muttered.

"Don't hold back for me kiddo's. I'm gonna sleep like a baby," Kozik said, who had seen the disappointed look on Juice's face. He looked over his shoulder to the prospect. "He's right kid. It's barely 11. You're too young to sleep around that time on a Saturday night."

"I don't feel like watching a movie," Shane said stubbornly. 

"Well we can also – I dunno, game? Smoke pot?" Juice's voice was almost sounding desperate and it didn't leave Kozik untouched. 

Shane however didn't relent. "I see you tomorrow. Bye." He quickened his pace, moving the wheelchair to the van. 

Kozik suppressed a sigh as he climbed into the car with help of Shane. He sat down on the seat while his roommate was lifting his chair in the cargo hold. 

Through the windshield he caught a glimpse of Juice, who stood a little lost in the middle of the parking lot. With hanging shoulders, he stared at the van. 

. . .

When Kozik was in Shane's apartment, he decided to say something about it. He rolled the wheel chair towards Shane, who had flopped down on the couch, and cleared his throat. "You think I'm homophobic?"

Wildly, the boy looked up. "What?"

"You don't know the meaning of that word?"

"Of course I do," he grunted. "But I'm not... gay."

Kozik rolled his eyes. "Bisexual then."

The boy clenched his teeth. "I'm not bisexual either."

With a sigh Kozik leaned back. The first two days Juice had been around a lot. He had helped to move his stuff and the day after he'd stuck around. Even a deaf blind would notice that there was something going on between those two. It was shown in the way they looked at each other, and all the moments Juice was briefly touching him when there really was no need to, and he really didn't understand why Shane wanted to hide it. 

"But he is in love with you."

"I know that."

Kozik studied the boy's face. "Well, it's your call kid. But there's no need to hide it from me. I see why you find it hard to come out in a world like ours, but I really don't give a fuck. I know you two spent almost every evening together the past weeks, so I really can't see a reason to change that now."

"It has nothing to do with you," Shane answered with a grim face. "It's just fucking annoying when someone's constantly pushing for more while all you want is being friends."

Kozik held his glance. "It's also fucking annoying when someone's lying straight into your face. C'mon Shane. I've seen the two of you together. You're no better in keeping his eyes off him than the other way around. And that's fine, you know. To be honest I never saw you look at Mila as I've seen you look at Juice over the past weeks. So even if you're not lying to me now, you're definitely lying to yourself. Whatever it is – I'm already feeling like a burden and knowing that I'm turning your social life upside down is making things worse. So I'm gonna say it again; I'm not homophobic, I have no problem with you and Juice and I think you're hurting him unnecessarily now. 

"He's a big boy, he'll get over it. I need a smoke."

After those words, Shane walked out the door. 

Sighing, Kozik watched him leave. Maybe it was none of his business, but he couldn't get rid off the feeling that he was complicating the boy's life by moving in with him and he hated the fact that the kid was too stubborn to see that there was nothing to be ashamed of. 

That kid had saved his life. The only thing he was getting in return now was being in a fight with what had been his best friend or maybe even his lover just a couple of days ago. And although Kozik knew that things were out of his hands now and that he had done everything he could, he still felt guilty. 

He felt like he was an intruder in someone else's life.