Guardian Angels ✔

27 - No Longer The Same

Alex shoved her hands inside her pockets as she stared at the fresh grave. It felt surreal. Suddenly Miles was gone. In the blink of an eye, without having to do anything, without being exposed. The relief however was minimal. It had been a too easy way out for him. She had wanted him to suffer, she had wanted to hear him beg for mercy. Getting even, that should have given her resignation. 

But there was no satisfaction now. 

Sure, this solution was much better. She didn't need to be afraid to leave traces, her identity was safe. Now that he had died like a rat, as a traitor, nobody would honor him. All he got was a hole in the ground. Exactly what he deserved. He couldn't have died a more dishonorable death– and still, the dissatisfaction kept gnawing.

Alex cast a last glance at the disturbed earth, spitting on the grave. "Hope you rot in hell, asshole," she grumbled. 

She turned around. Rat kept standing there a little longer, but Happy walked with her to the bikes. Juice and Chibs had returned to the clubhouse a while ago, so Tara could remove the bullet and stitch the wound. 

"I'm proud of ya," Happy's deep voice sounded next to her. She felt his heavy hand land on her shoulder. 

Surprised, Alex looked to the side. She couldn't remember he'd ever talked to her and she'd certainly never heard a compliment coming out of his mouth, to anyone.

"Don't know many people who'd pulled that trigger without blinkin' an eye."

Alex shrugged her shoulders, she knew better than showing him how much his words meant to her. "I'm not afraid of dying."

She sat down on her bike, waiting until Rat was done with saying his goodbyes. 

. . .

Alex got permission to go home as soon as she was dismissed at the clubhouse. She was glad about it; she had been awake all night. 

In the bathroom, she brushed her teeth first. Still, she had the feeling the taste of Miles' filthy dick was in her mouth. The thought of it made her sweat. For a moment the stench of his unwashed sack was surrounding her and she could feel him inside her mouth again. Squeezing her eyes, she threw up. Nothing but bile left her throat; she'd already puked out supper and since then she hadn't eaten anything. 

After spreading toothpaste through her mouth for at least ten minutes and washing her face, she left the bathroom. Would Tara already be back in the hospital?  

The thought about the doctor made her doubt again. Tonight she had intended to visit the woman after she got home, to tell her what had happened. She hadn't taken her birth control pill tonight and she wanted to be absolutely sure she wouldn't bear a child of that asshole. She didn't look forward to an S.T.D. or other damage either, so she really needed to trust someone with the fact that she was a girl. 

It wasn't easy at all, after all, Tara was the fiance of her VP. If Alex made an appointment, Tara's confidentiality belonging to her profession would make sure she would shut her mouth, but Alex thought it would be too risky to register herself in the hospital. Who knows who else would have access to her file... She however knew Tara had been there when Kip died, which gave her the feeling she would understand her better than anyone else, and apart from that Tara had no reason to rat her out, as Miles had. 

She would take her chances. 

. . .

An hour later she was in the hospital, knocking on the door with the right nameplate. Usually, the nerves would have formed a knot in her stomach, but after everything that had happened tonight and the morning after, Alex only felt an emptiness.