+Lil Peep's Pov+
I walked in the kitchen and seen Stephanie drawing something at the table with headphones on. When she looked up and seen me she took the headphones off.
"Hey. Did you say something?" "No. Just looking." "Come here."
I went over to her and sat down. She scooted her notebook towards me and started biting her pencil.
"I'm still working out some stuff but I'm gonna do this picture."
She showed me the picture on her phone and I looked on the paper again. It was already starting to look just like me. I looked at her and decided I'd ask.
(Picture she was drawing in the media.)
"Hey..why weren't you mad that I talked with my ex?" "Because I don't feel like it's right of me to control your life. You can talk to who you want." "We dated for a long time and she even gave me this ring."
I showed her my silver ring with the black diamonds on it.
"And I still wear it." "Okay.." "I missed her." "Gus? What are you doing?" "I'm telling you the truth and you don't seem to care at all." "I don't care. I said I trust you. You've given me no reason to not trust you." "Fine." "Fine what?" "Just fine. You're not mad so whatever."
I got up and went back upstairs to the bedroom. I knew Stephanie was going to come in after me, which she did. Closing the door behind her after she came in.
"What the hell is your problem?" "I don't have a problem." "Yes you do. Because if you didn't, you wouldn't have come back up here." "I don't have a problem." "Gus...I don't wanna fight with you. I just want you to feel ok. Clearly you're not and I'm worried." "Just because I bought xans?" "Hey, I know they can be for your anxiety but I don't want you hooked again on the other shit. Not all over again after we've worked so hard to leave them alone together. I know it's a bitch and I know the weed probably isn't enough. But I need you Gus. Haidyn needs you. You said you wanted a son and I plan on giving that to you. I want you here to see everything with me though." "I didn't buy them because I was anxious." "Then why did you? Tell me. Let me listen. That's what I'm here for. For you to use me and talk about anything you want without feeling judged at all. I know what it feels like to feel the way you do because I was doing the same shit, remember? I was letting guys treat me any type of way, I was partying every night. Doing drugs until I couldn't remember what I did after I took them. I wanted to feel something too. But sometimes it's okay to just..talk to someone about it all."
"My soul is tired Stephanie. It's so tired. I feel like I'm losing my fucking mind. I'm happy. And you know that. But deep down inside me there's just this screaming voice that wants me to do all the bad shit again. It begs me to. More and more everyday. But when I look at what I have I feel that there's no need for me to feel that way. There's a lot I could do to keep my mind off things besides the stuff I used to but..it's not the same. And there's so many people depending on me..there's so many people who love me and want me here but I just don't feel how they feel."
I looked at her and felt tears coming.
"I don't know what I'm doing Stephanie.."
She came and wrapped her arms around me.
"I don't know what I'm doing anymore..."
She hugged me tighter and I only let her.
"I love you Gus. And I hate that you're hurting." "I've felt like this for so long and I don't wanna feel it anymore." "Well I'm here. I just want you to know that I'm here and that you'll never go through any of this alone."
I grabbed one of her hands and kissed it.
"Do you promise?" "I promise."
She kissed my forehead and I started wiping my slight tears.
"I love you Stephanie." "I love you too." "And I'm really sorry I bought the xans." "Babe..don't apologize for that. I'm not gonna penalize you. I know you're already beating yourself up over it, I don't need to add on. I just want you to feel okay, okay?" "Okay."
She kissed my cheek and then looked at me.
"Do you wanna watch a scary movie?" "Yeah. That'd be nice." "Okay."
She stood up and held her hand out to me. I took it then we got into the bed and turned a scary movie on.
+Stephanie's Pov+
Gus ended up falling asleep on the movie we were watching. I didn't mind because I was sure he needed it. I was playing with his hair and just looking at all his features while he laid his head in my lap. He was so handsome. His tattoos all over and his half and half hair. His figure that took up most of the bed by height. He looked so cute while he was sleeping. He always did. I now felt like a weirdo stalker though because I was just staring at him while he was asleep but, I couldn't help myself. After awhile he started waking up and moving around. He finally stayed still and opened his eyes.
"Do you feel any better Gus?" "Mhm. I feel much better."
He got up which made me a little sad because now my lap was empty and I could no longer study his features. I was so plain and boring but yet he was this canvas of tattoos and colors and it was nice to look at. He went into the bathroom and I went downstairs to check on everyone. Only Bexey, Emily, Goth and Emery were there. Haidyn was in her crib playing with some toys. I came to pick her up and I kissed her cheeks. She smiled her cute little baby smile and I sat on the couch next to Emily.
Emily said,"Hey Steph." "Hey. Where's Jamie and Tracy?" "In the bedroom."
Goth took one hand and made a circle with his index finger and thumb then took his other hand, putting his other index finger through the hole back and forth. Bexey looked at Goth and started to laugh.
I said,"When did they go upstairs?"
Goth said,"Way earlier. I know they're having-." "Hey! Not in front of Haidyn." "Right. Sorry."
I shook my head which only made Bexey laugh more. I then decided I'd make a bottle for Haidyn so I went and did. Afterwards we all ended up watching a movie together in the living room.
