+Lil Peep's Pov+
+Time Skip+
I was just coming off stage from a show and I was tired. But, not just physically tired. Mentally I was starting to stray from reality and I'm not sure why it was happening now when the tour isn't nearly finished. I was also starting to really miss Stephanie and Haidyn. I was also getting tired of the over-the-phone. I wanted to be around them. And every time I talk to Stephanie I can never tell her any of this is going on because she seems so happy in the small moments that we get to talk. I felt like I was silently drowning though and I hated it. I hated all of it.
"Gus....earth to Gus."
I looked up and Emery was standing there looking at me.
"Huh?" "I said are you okay? You don't look too good." "Oh, I'm fine. Thanks for asking. Are you okay?" "Yeah, but, a bump is forming and I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited." "Well, if it counts for anything, I'm excited for you and Goth." "Thank you. But back to you, I asked if you were okay and you said you're fine. I don't think that's true though because usually when people say they're fine it means they're not. And you can talk to me about anything." "No..I'm fine, I'm okay." "Now you sound like you're trying to reassure yourself."
I started walking down the hallway we were in and beckoned Emery to follow. So she did and once we were far enough away from everything and everyone I sighed as I stood against the wall.
"I'm just tired..mentally more than physically and..I'm not sure what to do about it without ruining things for everyone else." "What do you mean ruining things?" "I mean dumping my emotions onto other people knowing they have things of their own to worry about." "You should call Stephanie. I know it's definitely not the same as being with her but I realized you guys haven't been communicating as much." "We haven't and I wanna see her. But I can't right now and I'm wondering if I can do this. She can always get my head back in the game whenever I'm stressed out and anxious but now she can't do it as often. Which is fine because she shouldn't have to be bothered either. And I wanna tell her these things without worrying her but...when I do get to talk to her, I can't. I just act natural and try being strong for her cause I know she's struggling, too. Having Haidyn on her own and all.."
I put my head down and realized talking to Emery about all this might be stressing her out.
"But you know what? It's fine. I'm fine. Everything's fine and I'm probably just overreacting as always."
I smiled at her and stood up straight.
She then said,"Gus you don't have to-." "No it's all good. I swear. I don't even know why I'm..why I'm saying all this."
I scratched my forehead with my index finger and smiled again at her. Hoping she'd just let it go.
"Well..are you hungry?" "I'm starving." "Lets get food then." "Okay."
So we walked off together to go get food and I was hoping she'd forget the conversation we just had.
+Stephanie's Pov+
I was sitting in Haidyns room drawing as she laid in her crib when I started to get a call on my phone. I looked to see who was calling and seen it was Gus. I smiled and answered on the third ring.
Me: Hey baby.
Gus: Hey. How are you?
Me: I'm okay. What about you?
Gus: I'm okay...
With the way he said it I frowned a little.
Me: Are you sure you're okay?
Gus: Yeah. I'm sure I'm okay. I miss you though.
Me: I miss you, too.
Gus: It's nice to hear your voice.
Me: Gus are you sure you're okay?
Gus: I'm sure. Is it a crime now to miss your voice?
Me: No. Not at all. I'm just trying to make sure you're alright. You don't sound too good.
Gus: Why does everyone keep saying I don't look or sound good? I'm fine. Everything's fine. I wish everyone would just stop with that shit.
Me: You're not fucking okay. This is hard on you isn't it? I'm coming out there.
Gus: What?
Me: You're not fucking okay. And I'm coming out there to see you.
Gus: No. I'm your husband, I don't need you coming out here for me. I said I'm fine and I want you leave it alone.
Me: What the fuck Gus. Why do you do this? Why do you get into these modes then try to play happy go lucky with me? I am your fucking wife goddammit and I want the whole entire fucking truth. Which is that you're not okay and I just want you to tell me what the fuck you're actually thinking. Since you're my husband and I love you. You fucking asshole!
Haidyn started crying in the background from my yelling and I stopped immediately. I came to her and pulled her into my arms from her crib. I started cooing to her and kissed her forehead softly.
"I'm sorry. Mommy's sorry. I'm sorry."
I rocked her at the same time and I just kept cooing to her. Once she calmed down Gus sighed.
Gus: Baby...I'm sorry...I'm sorry..
Me: Gus...I'm only worried about you because you sound so down. And I hate when you're like that. I want to be there for you..physically..more than anything but I can't right now. And I really hate that you had to leave..Haidyn misses you..I miss you..and I wish we could all just be together again...
I felt some tears coming on and I know he could hear it in my voice which made me feel worse because I could see he was already stressing.
Me: But you're gonna get through this part okay?..we're gonna get through this..I promise you.
Gus: I don't know if I can do this without you..
Me: You can. You can baby. You can do this. Because I believe you can do this. You're stronger than you think you are.
Gus: What if I'm not?..
Me: Just keep calling me..please..keep calling me and texting me and keeping contact with me. Please.
Gus: Okay. Okay. I will.
I could hear the slight tremble in his voice like mine and I hated it. I hated that we had to be apart. I wanted him here. With me. Where he's safe.
Gus: I'm sorry if I ruined your night...I didn't mean to..
Me: You didn't ruin anything, I love you. Do you hear me? I love you, so fucking much.
Gus: I love you too Stephanie. And I love Haidyn. And I miss both of you.
Me: Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?
Gus: I'm just glad we talked honestly..and Emery was right, I did need to talk to you.
Me: I'm glad we talked too. And I'm sorry I yelled at you. Heat of the moment.
Gus: I know that baby.
Me: Good. Now have you eaten and gotten sleep today?
Gus: I got sleep and me and everyone else went out to eat.
Me: Good. That's good. I'm so proud of you.
Gus: Thank you.
I could hear the smile on his face and it made me smile.
Me: And don't you ever lose that smile..while we're apart..always keep that smile you have..it's very infectious..show it to others while you're out there touring..
Gus: I will think of you when I smile.
Me: Okay love.
Gus: I love you.
Me: I love you, too. And I'll call you tomorrow.
Gus: That sounds good to me. Bye Stephanie.
Me: Bye Gus.
We hung up the phone and I smiled to myself. Playing with Haidyn's fingers as I went to make her another bottle.
