Freier Fall: A long way to go...

Chapter 69. Heartbroken

69: Heartbroken

Kay

As soon as he hung up, he felt the blood rise in his face. Marc was with Jörg... He was sure. "When I asked him, he didn't deny it... Scheiße!" Sitting in the cube of the stairs, Kay felt the fear in his stomach. "What if my greatest fear becomes reality and it's true that there is something more than friendship between them?" Kay lamented while at the same time, he was accessing Jörg's Instagram.

"If it's true that they are together, it will be easy to find out," Kay thought, like a madman, searching through Jörg's publications without success. He knew that Marc rarely used social networks; however, to rule out any possibility, he opened Marc's Instagram and saw the last photo he had uploaded. It was a few months ago, but seeing that image made his heart shrink; there they were on their backs walking towards the lake, himself and Matty holding hands. And at the bottom of the photo, it read: "My two great loves" #mylove #dadandson #happiness #hope

Unable to avoid it, his eyes filled with tears and these, clouding his eyes, fell to the screen of the phone. With one hand, he wiped his eyes, longing for that memory, where everything seemed perfect. "At what point had everything been fucked up of making the decision to break up with Marc and leave his house?" Kay thought as he saved the image on his photo reel.

He started to get up off the ground, with the intention of getting out of there, when he opened Marc's Facebook, and the feeling he felt upon seeing the recent publication was brutal. A live video, in which Marc could be seen holding a glass and toasting, then turning the camera over and recording Jörg giving his show in Salzburg. "I'm not in Munich ... He had said" -While Kay watched them both laugh and enjoy themselves in a bar in Austria ... "And what if they were staying together?" -.

He didn't know for sure what it was. If the recent discovery, or the sum of the previous events. But Kay began to feel sick. Nausea seized him and with great retching began to vomit. The scene was pathetic: kneeling, leaning against the wall in the cube of the stairs, vomiting and trying to hide the tears that slid down his cheeks.

"Is it true that I've lost you, Meine Liebe?" He wondered, staggering up from the floor and running down the stairs. "Where was that strong and self-confident man, who used to be?" He mentally punished himself as he left the building to his car.

While he was walking towards the parking lot, it started to rain; without worrying in the least to take shelter from the rain, Kay kept walking at a slow pace to the Audi. Once seated behind the wheel, he stared at the horizon, while his clothes slipped and wet the seat. He was stunned. Everything he feared most was happening.

That son with whom he dreamed so much, didn't exist and Marc, "his Marc" and Jörg were together. Marc was very reserved and unless he was extremely happy, he would record a video like the one he had just seen. And Jörg's smile, looking at Marc and pointing at him, only showed the pleasure and euphoria they felt together.

Like a masochist, he played the video over and over again, trying to memorize even the smallest detail. It was as if he wanted to punish himself for what was happening. "Everything is my fault..." He repeated as he watched the video once more.

Like a flashback, the scenes of the latest events came to him: Marc's reaction after the ultrasound and his attempts to make him understand; as well as his own response to Marc's attitude: severe and selfish words were the only things he could remember having said to Marc. The reality is that all this time since Marc knew Emma was pregnant, he always tried to support him. "How could he have been so blind and not realize it?"

"He preferred to believe Emma's lies than trusting the man who had taught him to be happy ..." Kay agreed sadly.

He picked up the phone and dialed Marc... but almost at the first second, he hung up, before even started calling. "Why do you want to call him?" "If you already know he's with Jörg... you pushed him to be with Jörg, by abandoning him without looking back". "Be a man and accept the consequences of your actions" -Kay reproached himself, while little by little his features began to change, changing from a dejected face to a determined one. He began to feel the adrenaline rush through his body and, starting the engine, he squeezed the throttle fully.

His vision was blurred by the tears that ran down his cheeks and the raindrops that crashed against the windshield. Kay held the steering wheel tight as he accelerated more and more, resting his head firmly, against the back of the seat. With one hand, he wiped the last tear, suddenly showing an unalterable face.

He stared at the road, which in the darkness, looked like a wolf's mouth. He advanced without taking off for a moment the foot of the accelerator. He knew how fast his car could be and now more than ever he wanted to prove it. The speedometer marked 160 km/hour, 180 km/hour... he wanted more. "Come on!" He shouted as he hit the steering wheel with one hand and stepped on the accelerator. The car was flying and he felt like he was on a glider. That feeling of flying was so real that he imagined he was doing it at that moment. Suddenly, he stopped listening to the noise of the engine; he could only feel that sensation of softness around him...

One by one the images were formed: a green meadow, a lake, laughter; himself and little Matt walking and playing together. The feeling of fullness and happiness seizes him while taking the little child by the hand, he can observe Marc watching them sitting on the shore of the lake; Marc makes a gesture with his hand calling them; Matty releases from Kay's hand and runs to meet Marc, both embrace each other... Marc holds him in his arms smiling, while he says: "Come Kay... stay with us..." Seconds later, Matt extends his little arms: "Daddy, come here with us, daddy, Kaaaay!" - He calls. Kay goes to meet them, but no matter how hard he tries, he can't reach them, there is something that moves him further and further away and he despairs...

Suddenly, he can't hear them anymore; they get farther and farther away, just as the image of both of them becomes smaller and smaller until it disappears... And instead, an asphalt track appears on the horizon... Kay can see himself, inside the car then. He's surprised by that feeling he has just experienced. As if he had been dreaming...

"What am I doing?" He thought, coming to his senses, while putting his foot on the brake, but due to the water that was spraying, he made the tires skid on the asphalt, so with both hands, he tried to control the car, which began to turn on its own axis, which caused Kay to hit the door since he wasn't wearing the seatbelt.

They were thousandths of a second, in which he had no control of the car, he only felt how he turned and thought that at any moment, any tree or another solid surface would stop that inertia. Miraculously, none of that happened. Little by little the car gradually decreased its speed until it stopped completely on the side of the main road. His heart was beating a thousand an hour, due to the fear. He was pale and sweating profusely. "I was about to die..." he thought, scared."I don't want to die..." -he declared aloud, with the certainty that it was true. That experience had returned him in one fell swoop to reality.

Although his future looked uncertain, without the son he had so longed for and without the man who taught him how the real love was, it was clear that he couldn't give up. Regardless of the result, he would fight until the last breath to seek his own happiness, either with Marc or without him. With his heart guiding him, Kay started the engine and headed home.