Freier Fall: A long way to go...

Chapter 63. Loneliness

63: Loneliness

Kay: one week before

Kay looked for the last time the lightened house before to get up in the Audi. From he was stood, he can see Marc's silhouette walking through the room. Deep down, he had the certainty to be committing the worst mistake in his life. He was aware that this rapture could cost him to lose Marc definitely, letting the free path to Jörg to conquer him, -if he didn't achieve it yet-. But all suspicions about that possible cheat, in conjunction with his wound pride, they prevented him from turning back.

Exhaling a whisper, he got up into the car and started at full speed. "Scheiße!" –He muttered already regretted feeling the fear in the stomach, while he took the freeway which would take it to Gauting.

He was in the middle of the way when without any advice he ran over from the path. He stopped the car and turn off the engine. He rubbed his face with both hands hugging the steering wheel he laid down on it. "What was he doing?" –He thought desperate-.

He was very aware he needed to grab something because if not, he would turn crazy. Because of that, and without thinking, he had decided to look for Emma to be closer to his baby. "But at that time of the night, she would be asleep and he had to work the next day". -He considers anguished-.

"Shit!" –He shouted-, and without contained for one more minute, he started to cry. Parked in the middle of nowhere, he was looking at the dark path thinking that this was how his future was glimpsed. He only wished his baby was born and Emma could fulfill her word to give him to him. It was the only idea that would maintain him with the strong enough not to commit a stupidity.

After a few minutes and more calm, he switched on the car to head to the center of Munich. He'd look for a hotel to stay that night due to he couldn't come back to his house after all the recriminations that he had told Marc. He should have thought with more calm the situation, before ending their relationship.

That night he felt fatal; No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't avoid that feeling deep pain in his chest that began at the precise moment of saying those words: "I reached my limit. We're done. " Therefore, almost all night was in vigil tossing and turning in bed, trying to discern at what point everything had gone to hell. It seemed that life was laughing at him and that for one reason or another he couldn't be fully happy. With that thought in mind, he began to go back in time, remembering the moments that had marked him deeply.

"Throughout his life, he had only been able to enjoy flashes of happiness." He thought dejectedly. Once he discovered his sexual identity and had the courage to recognize it, the difficulties began. First, his own parents never accepted him, so he decided to get out of his house and never having contact with them again. He rarely talked about them or how he felt the fact of not having them around, but the reality was that he weighed a lot. And on the other hand, having to deal with obtuse-minded people, who criticized his preferences was something that had had to overcome over the years and more in the work environment in which he was lived, where "in theory", all of them had to be toughs men and heterosexuals.

Throughout the years, he never maintained a steady relationship until he met Marc. Before him, his life was basically to go out with any guy that seemed attractive, but beyond sex, there was no complicity that made him want to stay more than a month with any of them.

On the other hand, he remembered perfectly the first time he had seen Marc. He had already arrived at the Academy a couple of weeks ago and had settled in his room; there, he enjoyed the solitude, since he didn't have to share a room with anyone until Brandt -his superiors- informed him that he would have a new partner.

That Sunday afternoon, he ironed his uniform for the next day and settled on the bunk to start reading "The Perfume" by Patrick Süskind. Immersed in the reading, he barely noticed when the door opened and an attractive man with green eyes and almost his height, entered the room. When their eyes met, he immediately felt a twinge of desire that he quickly dismissed. They greeted each other briefly and Marc introduced himself, after that he started to accommodated his kinds of stuff. He was a man of few words, but there was something in Marc that inevitably attracted him from the beginning.