Gazing in the Mirror

December 5 - What Is It That I Am Practicing ?

Truth is rhythmical: if it implies stasis, it
is platitude. Truth is syncopated: if it
supplies all the terms, there is one term
too many. Truth is barbed: if it comforts,
it lies. Truth is an armed dancer.
~ Robert Grudin, "Time and the Art of Living
(quote contributed by Siona to the Gaiam blog)

Teach and practice, practice and teach –
that is all we have; that is all we are
good for; that is all we ever ought to do.
~ Ernest Holmes

Not long ago, I was called upon by Spirit to revisit what it is I am practicing. This shake-up came at an interesting time when I had arrived at a point where I was no longer "seeking". When I first began the outreach of shepherding an online community to teach a metaphysical perspective on life, each new discovery brought such a passion and excitement that I could hardly hold myself back from rushing to share it with the others who had gathered together with me. Then suddenly it happened – a calm acceptance of whatever Life was being and a realization that there was no Ultimate state of being for me to actually achieve – unless it was only that acceptance. I became comfortable and contented with no need for excitement or entertainment or stimulation or contentious debate over which belief was right or wrong. I found myself with a definite preference for a more holistic middle way and for harmony as an indicator of "rightness" and had within me a deep acceptance of wherever anyone else was upon their own way – in short a stasis.

Ah but a stasis is not Life's way !!, nor is it Spirit's way. So, along comes someone to stir up the pot and oh did it stir things up for me !! Suddenly all I was certain about was spinning about dangerously. Suddenly all I thought I understood about any purpose in my life felt "in play". Suddenly I was being called upon to take a stand for what it was that was important to me and I discovered that I didn't have any clarity about that. I found myself floundering about for some kind of still and solid ground upon which I could stand and regain my equilibrium. But that desire teased me with all sorts of unexpected realizations of things I had not noticed before. I should have been more prepared for responding to this. My oldest son, then 11 years old, liked nothing more at that time than to stir up the emotional intensity in our household to a level that is hard for my peace-loving nerves to appreciate. I ought to have mastered an even emotional reaction to that after a decade of practice but I discovered that I had not.

So I found myself reaching back into my memories to reconnect with the roots of why I felt moved to begin an outreach and what had brought me now to this point. Then I followed that pathway back to the present moment. I tried to recognize realities – such as someday I will be gone and then what ? Such future considerations were helped along by such everyday necessities as estate planning and establishing the boundaries of a family cemetery to be located on our farm. Other realities included 3D concerns of legal and financial liabilities to my spiritual community for having created the darn thing to begin with. Beyond that was my personal perspective that one cannot force other people to do anything. The best gifts that others who have been sharing this journey alongside me can offer are those freely given without even the coercion of my wishes or being made to feel there is any shortcoming in what they are already willing to do or offer.

What Is It That I'm Practicing ? Loving unconditionally, being tolerant and accepting, compassionate, empathetic and willing to share insights drawn from a long life of colorful escapades and follies if these can be of any help to another. How does one create a space that fulfills not only their own needs but also the needs of a diverse group of human beings who have somehow found their way into a space that one feels a high degree of responsibility for ? To begin with one must be willing to listen and to not be attached to what one finds the most comfortable for one's own self. Can I step outside my own comfort zone to allow something to occur that might be useful to the other people around me ? It certainly is not that it must be MY WAY and no other way. Can I stretch my own vision of the possible to see beyond what I am naturally inclined towards ? I can't know the answer to that until I try some alternatives. And the quandary is that I don't even know what alternatives are there for these circumstances.

At that time, I asked in my weekly Life Visioning guided meditation – what is trying to emerge ? I suppose that is what has been coming through others to me triggering my own introspection about it all. I once went through a hugely difficult and long period of overwhelm where my coping strategy was to push away everything that was non-essential. I pushed away my children's constant demands for attention. I pushed away any work that was non-essential (like housekeeping to the point that my husband hired a housekeeper to help me). I pushed away a desire for non-stop activity and found myself craving aloneness and solitude and quietness. I pushed away business interactions that might bring in revenue but no certainty of that. Is it any wonder that a deep desire for quiet was the response in me ?

So Spirit is not going to let me rest on my laurels. What is trying to emerge is whatever is next. I honestly admit that I don't know what that "next" should be. I can only take the next "logical" step that presents itself to me through the channels that Spirit has developed within me in order to interact with me. That channel is certainly my own individualistic kind of inner guidance. But can I deny that you who interact with me are also Spirit's channel for trying to reach me with important information for me to consider ? I cannot deny that because we are ALL Spirit's expression in human form. I see that I have not arrived at stasis. Spirit is the source of all movement in Life through time. Spirit won't allow me more than a brief moment to catch my breath and stop the uncontrolled spinning for even a rock is not allowed to remain stationary forever.

~ perspective

Integrity is when my internal self is
perfectly aligned with my external self
and when that is out of balance it is
easy for me to recognize.
Life is movement and change, therefore
there is no destination, only waypoints
to give rest from the constant motion
that is time passing and circumstances
developing.
I am not an island though I am an
individualized self whose core source
is larger than that external self and
that larger includes the other people
who share this particular journey
through time with me.
I am called upon to consider the place
where the needs of the other people
in my own life can be met comfortably
by me and where it is not my business
to intrude.
I am open and receptive to new ideas
and ways of being which move me into
a greater livingness.

#acceptance #beingness #comfort #danger #guidance #harmony #metaphysics #peace #rightness #tolerance