Gazing in the Mirror

October 12 - Living Forgiveness

These tools work because
each of them is simply the
delivery system for the
secret ingredient – the
energetic imprint of Radical
Forgiveness; ie the willingness
to be open to the idea that
there is nothing to forgive.
~ Colin Tipping

... the without is but an
extension of the within, and
the within is the cause of
that extension. If we want
a complete clearance of
forgiveness, we must give a
complete clearance to
everything and everyone.
~ Ernest Holmes

I have seen how resentment held onto can eat into a person's life robbing them of happiness in the only moment they have to live. This is too sad. It is so unproductive. Often the person related to whatever unhappy circumstances does not even know that unpleasant thoughts are being harbored against them. Don Miguel Ruiz, the Toltec shaman of the "Agreements" series, considers these to be equivalent to a black-magic curse. However, like all negativity, it is much more likely to bounce back against our own self than to harm another – unless that other has an equivalent vibration operating within themselves and in that instance it is actually self-hatred that coincidentally does any "work" that seems to occur.

One of my own favorite techniques for releasing or clearing these attached negativities is the process called Radical Forgiveness by Colin Tipping. I was attracted to the concept that the method has the capability of collapsing similar patterns of energy that have a tendency to reproduce themselves in similarly "colored" expressions (emotional feelings). Through the Radical Forgiveness process we allow the feelings to come out into the open to be fully expressed and then we do the turnaround in which we come to realize there is nothing to forgive. Whatever happened, happened. It was a channel for wisdom or learning that serves us in some way but having accomplished its purpose can be let go of forever.

One of the forever greatest blessings of my own life was the opportunity to experientially share the Radical Forgiveness meditation with my daughter. Her step-mother was dying and her youngest sister was at that point the caregiver. My own daughter had spent countless hours before that as her step-mother's patient's advocate ferrying her parents around through a bewildering maze of treatment options for the stage 4 melanoma that had metastasized into brain tumors. The last days, weeks or months of a loved one's Life can be a roller-coaster of intensity. Her youngest sister was prickly with self-judgment that was prohibiting any assistance from my daughter and this situation of being held back from offering aid at the last significant moments of a loved one's life was causing my daughter deep pain, sorrow and suffering.

So we made arrangements to meet by phone one Saturday morning for the purpose of "treating" the circumstances. It was highly emotional for both of us. I found that it was necessary for me to release my own judgments. I was honestly surprised to find that I was still harboring resentments and fears that I would never be able to prove or know for certain regarding my daughter's father. And it was clear to me that in these circumstances the father was also a definite "aspect" in what was occurring. Arriving at yoga, prior to my arranged telephone conference "meeting" with my daughter, I was in the midst of a "full-blown experience" of very deep emotion. Fortunately I have a wonderful yoga teacher and she helped me with an intentional healing energy to calm my heart and mind. My yoga class did the rest of the work to clear and prepare me to be a "good energy" for my daughter.

The meditation was emotional for my daughter but it allowed her to go beyond the emotional pain of cutting her own self off from the meaningful experience of walking the last miles alongside her beloved step-mother. It allowed her to work alongside of her troubled youngest sister and do all the work necessary for the final memorial services for their mom. While it did not end "all" of the unpleasant residual feelings between them, it did begin a process that over time did assist in the ultimate and complete clearing and healing of their sibling relationship. Within my daughter that work was already done before time did the rest. Within her half-sister there eventually arrived that healing. We cannot condition our willingness to forgive on the acceptance of forgiveness by the other person but I have found in my own situations – that over time – even the most intransigent of them are malleable.

Byron Katie has a similar process that she calls The Work – [1] Is it true ?, [2] Can you absolutely know that it's true ?, [3] How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought ?, and [4] Who would you be without the thought ? And then, she suggests that you "turn the thought around" and recognize 3 specific, genuine examples of how each "turnaround" is actually true for your own self. Forgiveness is like taking an eraser to a chalkboard full of unhappy memories and harsh interpretations and intentionally wiping the slate clean – allowing all that does not serve one's highest good to be cleared from within our own judgmental core causes.

~ perspective

As soon as I am aware of any
judgment or criticism of another
person I seek to turn it around
or at least let it go.
I understand that my thoughts
about another person are a real
energy that is causing conditions,
situations and outcomes.
I realize that it is possible to
wipe away all the mistakes of the
past and that every moment, every
hour, every new day, it is possible
to begin anew.
I forgive everyone but understand
that I am forgiven only by my
own self.
I live the present moment with
an inner peace and tranquility,
never holding onto thoughts
that do not serve me.

#criticism #death #energy #family #happiness #judgment #release #resentment #suffering #yoga