Gazing in the Mirror

December 9 - The Gift Of Remembrance

Not that which we give,
but what we share, —
for the gift without the
giver is bare; who bestows
himself with his alms feeds
three, — himself, his
hungering neighbor, and me.
~ James Russell Lowell

It is impossible for a man
to conceal himself. In every
act, word or gesture he
stands revealed as he is, and
not as he would have himself
appear to be. From the
Universe, nothing is or can be
hidden.
~ Ernest Holmes

What is it that we are actually giving when we select gifts for loved ones and acquaintances or send out greeting cards as part of our holiday rituals ? A gift given out of duty is a hollow gift no matter how much is spent on it. Cards sent out simply because one feels obligated to do that lack any emotional quality attached. If we are conscious and aware about our actions and not simply following some prescribed programming of consumerism like a flock of sheep then we want the gift to matter to the recipient. We are seeking to let the recipient know that we think about them and we give a bit of our own self in selecting a gift indicating hopefully that in some way we are in resonance with the recipient.

So what are some of the gifts we can give at this time of year to remind the people we care about that they matter to us ? In any gift or greeting card sent is some degree of our time. In today's busy world time is a supreme gift as far as my own life is concerned. When I do something for a family member or friend I am using some of my own time for their welfare. I don't mind doing things for these loved ones when I have the luxury of a bit of time and feel a degree of understanding for the circumstances that lead them to ask some favor of me. However if the need for me to wait upon them becomes a habitual expectation then I must think twice. For my doing something for them in a state of resentment sours the gift I might otherwise be giving.

How I actually live my life and how I express my being may also be a gift to others. If how I am or what I do is life affirming and beneficial to the common good then I have left a gift of myself and an example to others of what such behavior feels like and what it accomplishes. When I am patient or tolerant that is a gift of acceptance. I am accepting the imperfections that being human includes. If someone is dismayed that they didn't do something better I can acknowledge their disappointment and accept that obviously they were doing the best that they were able to or knew how to do. Most of us do not highly esteem ourselves. We know our own shortcomings too well. We can give a definite gift to those we care about when we see them as embodying the best qualities we can imagine. This gift of recognition has a tendency to then draw those qualities outward for personal expression by the one we have realized them for.

A gift that might not be valued enough is allowing people their privacy. At some point in my life I learned not to ask the kinds of awkward questions of people that we have all experienced and that put us on the spot of having to provide an answer or otherwise seem to be withholding something or hiding something from someone we would otherwise care enough about to be honest with. We can allow people to tell us what they want us to know. We can let them offer whatever they would have us to know about them instead of forcing something out of them. Listening is such a precious gift in a self-absorbed world. When the hearer of what one has to say of a delicate nature has the right heart and mind it will draw from the one sharing fearlessly a needed relief. We want to share but we do not want to be judged, criticized or second guessed as to some situation in which we were involved where we can no longer change what has happened.

There is another aspect to honoring privacy within others and that is the gift of honestly sharing our own self. Not needing someone to draw our truths out of us. Not being afraid to admit where an experience did not turn out as we hoped it would or in which we failed to live up to our own expectations. Sharing about how we overcame some hardship or endured some humiliation or difficulty only to emerge stronger and still standing is a gift to the hearer. This is not whining, wailing or venting – that is not the kind of self-disclosure that I am suggesting. This is about sharing the truth that to be human includes difficulties and hardships. By sharing of our self genuinely and honestly we may reassure another person that what they are feeling or experiencing is normal or at least understandable.

There are many kinds of gifts. Certainly objects that we can afford where the one we are giving this to can at least appreciate or even be grateful for receiving the gift that our perception of them thought to give them, which is often something they would never have thought they wanted – all of these are good and I do not wish to indicate that there is anything wrong with giving items. Yet we can also give the gift of our self all year long without the need for an occasion. It costs us nothing beyond something that is priceless to most of us – the time spent to give our attention. We each desire to matter somehow. It can be gratifying to know that our lives have the added meaning of having been useful and to have served some purpose beyond our own simple enjoyment of the beauties and pleasures of incarnated life.

~ perspective

The best gifts I have to offer
my loved ones are not necessarily
found in brightly-wrapped packages
tied up with a bow but are gifts of
a selfless heart providing the
blessings we all need.
When I give a present or greeting
card to someone I try to include
the gift of giving a bit of my own
self along with it.
The only way that the Divine can
give anything to us is through us
from one to the other.
I let those I love or care about
know that I am thinking of them –
it can be a short phone call, a
quick note on a decorative card or
the link to some information I
think is especially relevant.
I also receive the gifts given me
with a full recognition and
acknowledgment of their worth –
not the monetary price they
represent but what they say
about the giver and our connection
to one another.

#acceptance #attention #consumerism #expectations #heart #honesty #listening #patience #privacy #tolerance