Gazing in the Mirror

March 17 - Contentment

...what is the purpose of life?
From the moment of birth
every human being wants happiness
and does not want suffering.
Neither social conditioning nor
education nor ideology affects this.
From the very core of our being,
we simply desire contentment...
~ Dalai Lama

Happiness comes from quiet
contentment, an inner sense of
certainty which cannot be shaken.
The mind must reach a place where
it no longer remembers past anxieties
or looks into the future with uncertainty.
~ Ernest Holmes

Some time ago in conversation with my husband I had reason to say simply that "I am content". Certainly I am happy to be here. I love this wild forest. I am happy to have a compatible partner. I am happy to have a "family" life. I've been single. I know what I am or am not missing including some freedom of personal choice without a doubt. In my current situation that is also a greater need to be harmonious. It comes with living with other people and I cannot only be ruled by my own desire at any given moment. There are trade-offs.

I remember when a friend of mine who married right out of high school but did not have a child with her husband until well into their marriage was contemplating leaving the marriage. I spoke to her of my perspective. First if the person is truly toxic – leave as fast as you can. Life is too short to be damaged that way and spend one's precious time so unhappy and suffering needlessly. However if the person truly has any good quality about them, then it is worth working through the issues or choosing not to focus on them but simply allow what is to be exactly as it is. There are ALWAYS issues between two separate individuals. The question is – are the issues "the spice of Life" or do they harm ? There is no PERFECT companion. That is a fantasy. If we are lucky we come close to that ideal, an approximation of it; but one in which we are not in denial of reality. She left him and sometime later admitted to me that I had been wise back then and she had some regrets and yet the new reality was that it was no longer possible to return or go back to what once was.

My own contentment mostly comes from within myself. It is not something that another person can give me. It is making good choices that are life affirming and healthy for my own needs. A good relationship can serve one's well-being and a horrid relationship will destroy any possibility for contentment – it could indeed be hell. I have reached a point where I have few desires. I still entertain certain pleasant fantasies that are not too far from being a possibility. I may yet experience one or two of these someday. One is to travel around the planet and see my virtual friends in person (since my friendships now are global). Another is to find myself accepted as a peer by "spiritual celebrities" and to a very tiny minor extent that has actually already happened for me though I am not a celebrity myself. Another is to fully spend my days only on pursuits that nourish my soul such as sketching out in nature. To a great extent I already do a lot that does nourish my soul. There is still that sticky need to create revenue to pay the bills. I don't really mind what I do to "work for a living" but I have to push myself to do it sometimes. However, I know my situation could be less free and much worse and so I am truly grateful.

Another source of my own contentment is that I am comfortable in my own skin. I am delighted with the qualities of my understanding, clarity, expressions of occasional wisdom and that I seem to be relatively easy for other people to get along with, without having to change my innermost nature to accomplish that. I am mostly content with the quality of my days. I am mostly content with the health and well-being I seem to possess. I am mostly content with this physical body. Sometimes I fantasize that my body was somehow different than it is but then it would not be "me". Aging shows on this body but I am mostly okay with it. I wouldn't trade wisdom for youthful beauty – if that is what I'd have to give up to have that appearance "back".

Cicero is quoted as saying – "If you have a garden and a library, you have everything you need." The garden is among my fantasies mostly, though we usually accomplish some poor approximation of one. The library I have in abundance and more books than hours to read them. Yes I am truly "content" with what I actually have, while recognizing there are other things I could have and knowing that the "things" aren't what make me contented. Having set and accomplished so many goals I've lost count, I'm fully convinced as to what degree I do and to what degree I don't create my reality. I am immersed in a time and place that impacts my expression. It's all a part of being embodied. We are by necessity narrowed down and limited in physical expression. So there are many "kinds" of us and I believe in many time periods in which we have lived and different languages and cultures and environments we have experienced. All of these are attempts of the One Mind to get a glimpse at bits of what It is.

While I am the type of person who gets some satisfaction at setting and achieving goals and while I am always up for a challenge even if it frustrates me and even though I love the newness, uncertainty, surprises and the adventure of a good journey – I am at the same time "content" with what IS for me at this time. I consider reaching "contentment" not to be some destination from which there will be nothing new or at which I discover boredom – because I am wide open at the core. I am open and receptive to whatever Life chooses to bring me next and I've no worry that I'll be disappointed in that regard. The road goes on forever . . . .

~ perspective

I have the remembrance of times
in my life when I have been unhappy
and suffering, these remind me to
be deeply grateful for the balanced
state that I find myself in now.
I recognize that Life is able to surprise
and happiness is to some degree a
choice and not entirely that because
stuff happens and we can find ourselves
in the midst of living hell.
Yet I believe that it is not "conditions"
that make me unhappy but my thoughts,
my attitudes, my beliefs and my behaviors
in the midst of unpleasant conditions
that make all the difference.
Learning metaphysics has given me
hope in the midst of difficulty, hope
that things can and will change,
whereas without such experiences I
might be inclined to focus too obsessively
on what's bad and not see any way out.
Remembering to be grateful for even
the little "good" things in Life gives me
a tool for distracting my attention from
obsessing when things grow difficult.

#acceptance #aging #allowing #art #beauty #choice #companionship #fantasy #finances #freedom