Gazing in the Mirror

December 26 - Considering Endings Before They Are Reached

For those who follow Tao,
those who can accommodate
endings gracefully are
among the most admired.
~ Deng Ming-Dao,
365 Tao for Dec 26th

Never limit your view of life
by any past experience.
~ Ernest Holmes

In November 2013, I participated in the NaNoWriMo event for the second time in my life and completed it for the second time but this time I felt fulfilled, whereas the first time I simply threw words down on the pages of my word processor without any structure, "story" or organization. I feel very good about the 50,000 word work that I completed in one month's time. It actually told a story and as the author I was delighted as it took me not only into the deepest internal places of my own self but brought a high degree of peace to my soul regarding Life itself and hopefully would prove to be a lasting gift of comfort for my family after my death – may it be many years before that comes upon me !!

I wrote in fictional but first person form about my own death from a terminal illness. I explored the emotional ramifications upon the family I actually live with in this life. I explored my spiritual beliefs about existence as well. I also brought into the story an exploration of current events that are not a happy way of Life as a complete contrast to the life that I actually enjoy. I have tentatively titled it "The Dying Season" and I may even publish it someday, once I have time to go back through and edit it more carefully. I need to break it into chapters and add a few special quotes or poems here and there for effect. It may take me less time than I expect once I actually get started and I could actually find the time in the coming 2020 year. It has been 7 years now since my first rough draft and no editing has been done. I am grateful I decided to dive deeply into a topic that had been of personal interest to me for a very long time.

In the 365 Tao by Deng Ming-Dao for December 26th endings are explored as the year end approaches. In his essay he states – "We cannot do without limits and endings. They bring definition to our endeavors. But if we are to use them to our advantage, we have to plan how to meet them." In doing my NaNoWriMo work, it was a wondrous opportunity to "plan" to meet death as I would like to – in full conscious awareness and acceptance. I also appreciate that having a limited length of life encourages me to live fully because the length of our life while limited is also not of any definite duration. Babies die and some people live to be 100 years or older. Life always exists as an uncertainty.

This last week in December always brings me into a state of reflection. Not only do I reflect upon the year just past but on so many other years and life experiences. It is a mini-life review that we are blessed to have the opportunity for each year. My written work that November in 2013 was also very much a life review. Life can so often pull us through each day at such a fast pace that we truly are not able to absorb all that is going on around us, to us and through our involvements. Having a tradition of reviewing our life periodically can give us the time we need to absorb, evaluate and consider the nature of our various responses to the events that have occurred throughout the year.

The year just passing has brought some interesting "turn-arounds" in my life. Changes realized that I did not see coming. With endings come hopes for space to allow newness to enter in. When life is overfull we tend to push people and possibilities away. I know that I was so overwhelmed for about 6 years duration that I lost a degree of joy in living and kept pushing the people closest to me away because I simply did not have enough reserves to meet all that was demanding my attention. I lost some potential for "enjoyment" that I regret but cannot recover. Time passes with children growing up. We don't often pause to consider how quickly the precious time of childhood will leave us without such simple joys as children open our eyes to see.

I've learned that unending sameness – one way or another – is not a realistic belief. Change is constant. Something I had expected to support with my personal efforts for the remainder of my lifetime suddenly made clear to me that its end was coming – soon – and I had not expected that. Sudden, significant changes are not easily absorbed by my personality. I like time to come to terms with a change I wasn't expecting. Life does not always give us such a luxury but this year my life gave me that very thing. I can know an ending is coming as surely as the sun will set here this evening but I have the luxury of slowing down its arrival and managing this particular ending to suit my soul's needs and desires regarding that acceptance. Deng speaks of those "who were fully in touch with themselves" and "could know the moment of their deaths. While they were still vital they wrote farewell poems. Such people knew how to consider endings before they reached them. Therefore there were no regrets or lingering ramifications once they passed. The purity of the next cycle was ensured." I appreciate the sentiments.

~ perspective

I like the perspective that
judges an ending as simply
the end of one limited story.
At this year-end I choose to
open a new year like I would
open a new book.
I don't know how or when
my incarnated life will actually
end but because I like
mystery and surprises the way
things are suits me just fine.
I truly believe that an end is
simply the beginning of
something else – always.
A graceful exit becomes possible,
if one is able to recognize an
ending before it has completely
arrived and they are able to
adjust to that reality beforehand.

#beliefs #change #death #existence #joy #overwhelm #purity #regrets #uncertainty #year-end