Gazing in the Mirror

December 2 - Restorative Justice

Life must go on;
I forget just why.
~ Edna St Vincent-Millay

In order for the world of
God to emerge through us,
we must become still to
recognize that the world
of God is emerging as us,
even now.
~ Ernest Holmes

"Be still and know that I Am God in the midst of you." I was reminded this morning that seeing the perfection of God everywhere and in everything may not always be possible for every person at any given moment of time. I was reminded of a dream I once had around Christmastime. I was in downtown St Louis and alone in my car. I had stopped and gotten out of my car to ask for directions. I had my purse with me. The person I approached shot me in the center of my body in order to steal my purse. I was still conscious. I was very upset, I would have given my purse willingly to him. Instead he had taken my most precious possession – my very breath and physical mobility on Earth. I experienced the frustration of trying to cause my body to stand up and it simply not obeying my demand. Long before I had this dream, I did have a real experience of having my wallet stolen right out of my lap at a rock concert. I will admit that I foolishly chased after the person. What did I think I would have done if I had caught up with him ? I didn't think, of course. I simply reacted.

How does one reconcile being the loved one of a murdered person ? What does one say empathically to such a person ? Words fail us. Therese Bartholomew produced a documentary about how she worked through the murder of her brother Steve in "The Final Gift". Her video ends with a face-to-face dialog with her brother's killer Karl in a South Carolina prison. The film is a story of resilience and the complexity of being human. Filmed as she seeks to ask the questions in her own heart – "what was his (her brother's killer's) life like before the night he shot Steve? What is his life like now in prison and what will life be like for him once he is released?" Her "film addresses universal ideas of forgiveness and redemption as well as the larger societal questions – how do we make peace with crime, support the victims and restore the offenders?"

As a spiritually inclined person I found my self drawn to a concept that Therese discovers on her own journey – "Restorative Justice". It does no good to wish away a reality that has already manifested itself. Restorative Justice gives an opportunity to those affected by crime to participate fully in the responses to a specific crime. It recognizes that government's role in any justice system is simply to preserve a just public orderliness. It recognizes that it is the community that must be entrusted to build and maintain a just peace. One of its goals is to restore offenders to wholeness as contributing members of a society.

I am not surprised this morning to discover that The Center for NonViolent Communication has a Restorative Justice Project. I would have been personally disappointed if my google search had not found at least  one article or blog from that perspective. This effort is an alternative to the conventional justice system. Dominic Barter created Restorative Circles in the 1990s in the favelas of Brazil and the process has now been applied on the community level in 22 countries. A primary sponsor for his work has been the M K Gandhi Institute for Nonviolence at the University of Rochester where he delivers a series of seminars on the practice of restorative justice.

As our heart begins to question the "whys" after such a tragic loss it is vital to remember that governmentally we have a legal system, not a justice system. An acceptance of the hard reality that one has been robbed of the presence of their loved one is a process. We cannot truly expect other people who do not share the unique impacts of such an experience with us to truly understand. We are called upon to be patient with their good intentioned efforts to sympathize or comfort us. There is a very deep level of shock and denial that is an aspect of being forced into such an experience. If we find ourselves called upon to be supportive of an acquaintance that has had such an experience we should attempt to understand the nature of it. It is in a very real sense unbelievable. It comes upon one without warning and it is totally unexpected as well as tragic and in reality a crime that will have unique involvements and complications.

It should be expected that a person impacted by an event of this type will need a longer period of time to fully experience their anger. If you are in a supportive role you can express your own permission for the person to be angry in your presence. Remember that true forgiveness is a highly personal, internal soul work. Never express out loud to someone you are being supportive of that they "should" forgive. Remember that a horrible injustice has actually occurred. If you are the person struggling to cope with such a loss, remember that stories of how other people found "peace" in such a situation are simply expressions that the person cares about your pain and wishes to relieve your suffering. It may help to remember that this sharing is their own effort to achieve relief by finding commonality in the experience of sorrow.

~ perspective

Bad things do sometimes happen
to good people and kindness is
always a good response in any
supportive effort.
I acknowledge that there are
horrifying effects to living a
physically manifested life and
I do not attempt to marginalize
nor diminish that reality when
being supportive of a person
directly impacted.
In a human perspective there
are tragic losses and these are
painful for those left behind.
I recognize that coping with grief
is a process that may include
despair at the injustice felt.
I allow the expression of powerful
emotions in my presence as an
assistance in healing others that
I can facilitate.

#anger #comfort #crime #denial #empathy #grief #justice #prison #sorrow #support