For my dear Catarina ❤️

I love you

Kristina

It's currently 7 am, I can't sleep because I am thinking of one person. The person that came to my life all of a sudden. The person that changed my life in a better way. The person I absolutely adore and love the most in this whole freaking world. My best friend. Catarina.

Dear Catarina,

We have been through ups and downs, a lots of them actually, but I am still impressed how we manage to work it our every single time and I am really really glad and happy that we do cause for me, losing you seems impossible. If someone asks me if I'd rather lose my whole arm or you, I'd choose to lose my arm cause damn Catarina, you mean to me more than anything else, more than I can explain.
There's no number nor word that will represent my love for you.

I am sorry for hurting you, I am sorry for sounding cold and distant, I am sorry for making you think that you are a second choice, I am sorry for not texting you near my friends or parents. I am sorry for not treating you the way you deserve, I am sorry for not being the person you deserve. I am sorry for literally everything I did to hurt or to disappoint you or to make the beautiful smile of yours fade away from your face.

I know I can't be there to hug you or protect you from people that hurt you, I know I can't be there to beat their asses, I know I can't be the one with who you send papers during the class, I know I can't be the one you fully deserve in a best friend, but I am trying to be the best as I can be to you and make you at least a bit happier, but that's sometimes hard cause I mess up, accidentally, and you end up hurt which is never my intension.

Some months ago, when I get to know you a bit better I wanted to make you feel loved the way you deserve, I wanted to make you feel special, happy and less insecure. Now I want exactly the same things, but my mission now is also to hurt you less and to make you realize you have a person you don't have to hide things from, you can talk to whenever you want, you can trust, you don't have to leave when you think I want that cause I never want that, you can literally spam me while I don't answer, I really wouldn't mind it. You have a person that loves you, that constantly thinks of you, that gets excited to talk to you, that also gets extremely jealous sometimes (*cough* always *cough*), that wants you to feel like a freaking queen you are.

I am sorry for hurting you and making you jealous over Karla or Katarina. It was all my fault, I get it, I started the fire with that flame. But, I want you to know there is no Karla and no Katarina in this world that will ever replace you, you are my only one, my weirdo, my love, my best friend, my love, my everything, my whole universe and you'll always be. I am sorry for making you think the opposite, you are my only one always and forever and there's no need to be insecure about me and my other friends. They are nothing compared to you. You are simply amazing and perfect the way you are and I am so lucky, thankful and blessed to have you as my best friend.

In some years if we tear apart, I hope we won't, but if we do, if someone asks me who was the person I loved the most in the whole world when I was 13 I would say "it was my best friend, Catarina, I really loved her, she was my everything"

Well, I really do love you Catarina, I know I say that a lots, but I really really do, there are a lots of things that remind me of you, so many memories we made and I am really thankful for each of them, I hope we'll make it through another 7 months, maybe a year, maybe a few year, we'll see.

There's only one life, we have to live, I think, we have to live every day like it's the last, without any fears or boundaries, like every day is the last. We have to try new things and learn from our mistakes. I have learnt from my mistakes and sometimes I am glad I did them because now I know what to do to be at least a better person, to you.

I am so thankful for you,

With love,

Kristina