30-Day Plan

Day 29

Good morning, Can. I hope you are okay.

The seniors said you left early after practice.

If you can meet me this morning, I'll be waiting in the café near the IC building.

Tin waited for a good ten minutes before getting up. He still haven't received any message from Can and he is really convinced that he is being avoided.

For what reason? He does not know why.

Please talk to me na.

He turned sideways to look at Charmander. "Do you know what might be wrong? Did I do something wrong?"

He got out of his bed to turn on his laptop on his study desk. He had his USB on the desk and he was searching for the video diary video he finished editing.

He copied the file to the USB. He looked at the screen indicating that it is currently copying the video from the laptop to the USB with dread.

He looked for the paper in his drawer with the TinCan rules.

1. They will send a good morning text after they wake up and a good night text before they go to sleep.
2. They will eat breakfast together every school day except if there is an emergency.
3. They will go out on a date every weekend.
4. Tin will not call Can 'Cantaloupe.'
5. They will kiss only once a day.
6. Tin is allowed to make a video diary with Can.

Looking at the rules now, nervousness crawled in his skin and stopped on his neck as if choking him, making it hard to breathe.

"But... I can't breathe."

Tin closed his eyes and took deep breaths, slowly but steadily.

Is this the kind of situation Can meant when he said he can't breathe?

Will I be alone again?

The question haunts and mocks him in any possible moment of vulnerability.

He wasn't scared of being alone before. He was getting used to loneliness. He grew up alone so nothing really surprises him about it.

But that was before his life with Can.

He does not want to go back to a life of loneliness now that he knew the warmth and happiness and peace that Can made him experience.

He had nothing to lose before because he does not have anyone. But now he has someone he wanted to be with --- someone who he looks forward to seeing every morning.

"And if you still feel that you want to be only friends with me after 30 days, I will completely give up on you. I won't force you with dating and love and all the feelings you wanted to avoid again."

He remembered himself saying he will give up on Can if his 30-day plan does not work out.

But can he even give up on Can?

Can Tin give up his breath of fresh air in this suffocating world?

Can he give up the very person who was able to put up with his attitude and vulnerability?

Can he give up that one person who defended him in front of Tul and Trai Medthanan?

Can he give up the only person who was able to get past the walls he guarded himself with?

Can he give up the only person he trusts?

Can he give up the very person who made him feel loved and taught him how to love after only knowing a world full of deceit and hate?