Can You Save Me?

Chapter 10

NATALIES POINT OF VIEW*

I looked over at Harmony and Louis pecking kisses at each other, and whispering in each others ears.  Harmony had really changed my life when I met her, and I'm glad I went to that meeting. Until I met her, I felt as if nobody cared about me. My family treats me like crap. It's always about their problems, and I just want my dad to notice I'm not okay. I haven't been for awhile. I feel like I have missing pieces of me, and I tried to find them until I gave up. I just didn't care anymore. I used to waste my time crying and being upset when I got bullied, but then I stopped. I'm numb now. Niall and I are going out now, but my feelings are still the same. Nobody asks if I'm okay. When Harmony attempted, everybody was so concerned, especially Niall. I know this is terrible to say, but I felt almost jealous. Why are they so concerned about her, when I have problems too? Why don't I matter? I feel so selfish for thinking this too. Harmony is beautiful, funny, kind, who wouldn't be upset if she tried to take her life? And then there's just me. I haven't told anybody about my problems (except the main thing in the meeting with Harmony) so I guess I shouldn't expect them to be worried. But I just want someone to notice that I'm not okay. I want someone to ask me if I'm okay, and say i know you're not when I say I'm fine. Although, a part of me doesn't want anyone to find out. This has been my secret, my journey, for years, and I'm not sure I'm ready to give that up. My depression and sorrow, my emptiness, is my comfort blanket. I learned to live with it. I can't even remember what it felt like to be happy. But maybe I deserve to feel like this. I'm an awful person. I'm fat, I selfharm, I'm ugly. Nobody likes me, they probably only pretend too. I looked over at Niall, who was sitting next to me. He smiled, and poked my nose. 

"What's up, love?" He asked confused, probably seeing I was upset. I shook my head. 

"Nothing, I'll be right back, kay?" I said, forcing a smile. he nodded and went back to playing on his phone. I walked to the bathroom and locked the door. Looking into the mirror, i was so disappointed with what I saw. I just want to end it. I deserve the worst. I can't trust anybody. Maybe that, or I just don't want to bother anyone with my problems. They seem silly, because other people have it so much worse. I looked around until I found Harmony's razor. I knew she still kept one somewhere. After rinsing it off, I dragged it across my skin. My mind screamed, begging me to stop.  

No, I said to myself, you deserve this. 

And I did it again and again, until I had several deep horizontal lines across my arms. They throbbed, still bleeding. They were really deep. I panicked a little, but I was proud of how deep I could cut. After a while of sitting in the bathroom, they were still bleeding. I realized that they were too deep, and if I didn't get help then I was going to bleed out. Understanding this, I unlocked the bathroom and walked out. With a sweatshirt on, I walked to Harmony and Louis. 

"Thank you for being there for me," I said to her. She looked at me confused. 

"Take care of her," I said to Louis, he nodded, not understanding.  I walked over to Niall and kissed him passionately. 

"I love you, thank you for trying to save me," I said to him, and I ran out of the house. I ran and ran until I got there. To the bridge. Bridges were my worst fear, and the last thing I want t do in my life was face my fear. By now my arms were stinging so bad, and I was getting dizzy. I knew I didn't have much time left. I climbed until I was at the very top. It was pouring outside, and it was really slippery. The cold metal of the bridge was digging into me, as I clinged onto it.  At the top, I suddenly felt fearless, like nothing could stop me. I stood up and spread my arms, letting the wind and rain hit against me. Looking at the rapid water, I decided that this was how I was going to go. I felt nauseous and knew I was going to pass out soon. Right as I was going to step off, I heard someone. 

"STOP," He yelled. But I didn't I stepped right off into the flightless air. And in that moment I knew that these short few seconds were worth what was coming. And I smiled for the very last time, as everything went black. 

Everything was white. That was the first thing I noticed. It was almost luminescent. I felt safe, and peaceful. This was it, I thought. This is my heaven. I felt so comforted and loved, like everything was going to be alright. It was so enlightening. I saw a part of the whiteness get brighter. Having nothing else to do, I walked over. 

"Are you sure?" I heard a voice say. I turned and saw Niall. I scrunched up my eyebrows.

"Niall, what are you doing here?" He looked so at rest, so patient and understanding. He chuckeled quietly. 

"I'm not Niall. I'm an angel, and when I came here I took the shape of your guardian angel." Wait, so Niall was my guardian angel? What?! And I just killed myself! I'm so confused. 

"Niall needs you now, so you need to go back. It's not your time yet." He said. 

"But what if I don't want to go back? And why does he need me? He's my guardian angel?" I had a million questions going through my head. All of a sudden, it was black again and I heard voices. 

"Is she waking up?" Someone said, weakly. Harmony? Louis? I'm not sure. They sounded desperate though. I slowly opened my eyes, and everybody rushed over. 

"What were you thinking?"

"I had no idea." Someone said in tears.

"I'm so glad you're okay." 

I looked at them. Niall wasn't with them. 

"Where's Niall"" I asked. They all looked at each other, until Liam walked over to me and took my hand. Panicking, I yanked it away.

"Where is he?" i said again, raising my voice. 

"they think he's going to be okay, but when you jumped, he tried to stop you. He jumped in after you. He's in intensive care now, because he broke several bones and got internal bleeding." Oh my god. 

"This is my fault," I said, burying my face in my hands. They all rushed over to comfort me. 

"Shh he knew what could happen. But you're okay now," Harmony said. "He saved you. Looks like you have a guardian angel." 

AUTHORS NOTE: okay yesss guess<3 hes her guardian angel<3 PLEASE please comment on what you liked or what you wuld change. and pleasee vote. this is my first story and it would mean the world to me