Don't Judge Me (Being Edited)

40_ 26th January 2011

I did it! I fricken did it! Omg you don't understand how hard it was to write this. I'm both proud and disgusted with myself. Honestly. I ought to treat myself (and maybe slap myself) for this chapter. Sigh... but it's here and it's over, kinda. I passed my landmark and I believe I am half way through the book, or two-thirds or something like that. Anywhooo... you didn't come here to hear me ramble. Please, continue reading about my girl T. 

P.S. this is quite a sad chapter (though tbh, not as sad as I thought it would be, idk maybe just because I wrote it), just don't say I didn't warn you. 

Love you guys, comment, vote, follow me- I don't bite, I mean, only in words, but not in real life, I swear! 

ihateusernames :)

The morning of Tuesday the 26th January 2011 started normally enough. I woke up and Susie’s mum made me breakfast, Susie’s dad was already at work. We ate and showered and Susie and her mum both fussed over my date that night and I gushed because truthfully I was excited, it would be awesome and I’d be with Luke. What was there not to like?

And then my new normalcy of school and work and being with Susie and ignoring Callum began but it wasn’t so bad because I didn’t have English on Tuesdays, so I didn’t have to act like he didn’t exist- though I was admittedly kinda crap at that.

Luke wasn’t at school, but he’d made this big deal of not wanting to see me before we went out on the date (like we were getting married or something), he wouldn’t even tell where we were eating or what show we were going to see, and as annoying as it was I didn’t really mind too much, I kinda liked playing along with his little game.

Lessons came and went and then there was lunch.

Now don’t be mistaken, I didn't always have lunch with Susie. Sometimes it would just be with the girls (I’m just going to be real here, I can’t remember their names) we sat with, sometimes it would be alone. But don’t fear, whether alone or not, I still ate lunch.

That day, that Tuesday, was one of those days. Until it wasn’t.

There I was, sitting alone, nursing a (I don’t know what it was, let’s say bowl of pasta or something) and then someone I hadn't spoken to in what felt like decades sat down on my table across from me.

I didn't really register him sitting down at first, I had been daydreaming, but I can’t tell you what it was about. I can tell you that when I looked up I took a deep, sharp breath and promptly choked on my pasta.

That made him laugh.

And after I choked it up, I laughed too.

“You alright there, Antonia?” Callum asked. His voice was warm and solid and round. I was aware that Callum’s voice had changed from the squeaky high pitched Alvin and the chipmunks like voice. But I think that was the first time that I noted it sounded good, like really good.

I nodded, because I didn’t think that I would be able to form coherent sentences for him. I felt my body already betraying me. It was stupid that Callum could just sit down and speak to me and then suddenly everything felt ok. It was so stupid, I felt like those girls that said “how high” whenever their boyfriends said “jump”. I felt so friggin ridiculous.

I looked down, consciously, and slowly put my fork into my food, took it out again and then scrapped the scrap into my mouth. My chewing was slow and thought through, all of me fixated on food.

Callum cleared his throat but I refused to be shocked that time. “Antonia, you can talk to me you know.”

I glared at him, involuntarily, (who was he to be telling me what I could do?), “I know that.”