Don't Judge Me (Being Edited)

57 _ The End

Breaking up is not an easy thing to do.

I say that completely ignorant to the actual process of breaking up.

Breaking up when you're 13 is not real breaking up. That breaking up consists of no longer talking to a boy (or a whatever) that you never really spoke to that much anyway. Big deal.

Although maybe I'm being mean to 13 year olds – sorry. Maybe it isn't age. Maybe it's something else that makes a break up hard. Real love? Perhaps. True understanding? Lies?

I don't know. I've told you already that I'm ignorant.

It's just-

I've never thought that life was meant to be fair. I have constantly thought it unfair and unjust and like it was out to kill me – but isn't that what life does?

But my God. My God.

Wow.

Have you ever lied in bed next to someone you love? You know that they love you too? That security, that warmth. My God. But that doesn't exist. That cannot exist because not only are you both stupid, you are both too hurt, too closed off, too angry, too sad, too unhinged.

So close, but so far.

Always so far.

Neither of us spoke once we knew the truth.

Callum laid back down and faced away from me.

And that's how we spent the night.

And then the day came.

It came quickly.

Birds started cheeping and the sun streamed through his blinds.

Callum turned over onto his back, telling me he hadn't slept at all that night. Although he didn't need to. Sleep evaded both of us.

I decided to turn all the way around and look at him.

I wondered about Ty and Susie. I wondered about Callum's future. I wondered about his past.

"What A-levels did you do?" I asked.

He glanced over at me, "Um..." he cleared his throat, "Maths, Further Maths, Physics and Biology."

I laughed, "You did four too?"

He smiled at me, "What did you do?"

"English Language, English Literature, Psychology and Philosophy." I reeled off.

"Of course." Cal reasoned.

"Do you have a place at uni?"

"Nah. I didn't apply. You?" Callum replied.

I was shocked, "Seriously? But what about your plan. Becoming a doctor."

"Yeah." Callum said, "I don't know. I guess... I just thought the future wasn't really a thing for a while."

"Oh." I said.

"I know. It doesn't make any sense."

"Yeah it does. I get it."

"You didn't apply either?" He asked.

I shook my head.

"We could both apply this year." Callum turned towards me. I thought him handsome. I liked it. This 4 am discussion about the future. Everything seems real at 4 am.