Don't Judge Me (Being Edited)

21_ Every-days

Luke wasn’t at school on Monday. Though that’s not the way I want to start this chapter it’s how I'm going to because this fact was bothering me. I distinctly remember Luke saying that he’d see me on Monday. Just before he left. I remember. And I know I was not going crazy, no matter how many times I ask myself if I was sure I heard what I heard. I definitely heard what I heard and it was not stupid of me to be angry, suspicious and confused that Monday because Luke had said he’d be there. I'm positive he had said that!

Nevertheless, let me leave that now. I’m getting testy for no damn reason. I'm going to start this chapter now. And I know just what I want to call it: Every-days.

On Monday morning I snuck out of Callum’s arms before he woke up, sparing a moment to notice my best friend. He looked different. His lips weren't swollen as per usual. I almost laughed at the thought that us not ‘practising’ was out of the ordinary but when I thought about it us kissing had never been weird, not really. Once we’d passed the initial awkward first kiss we’d been at it like um… well not rabbits, I guess we’d been at it like people that kiss a lot. Crap that was a bad metaphor.

That’s the problem with writing this all down I can’t just cross things out and start again, it makes the book look messy. I’d rather rip pages out of the book than have it look messy.

So in case you were wondering why you’re stuck with my rambles and bad anecdotes then it is because I cannot cross anything out. One or two spelling mistakes, sure, but masses of text, it would kill me to do it. I’d rather start the whole saga again. Unless you like rambling, in that case there you go, another few lines of me talking about nothing. I hoped you enjoyed it.

Anyway… Callum.

I was staring at him, like a freaking weirdo.

“Take a picture, it will last longer.” He mumbled into his pillow.

I chuckled softly and leaned forward to kiss his cheek or something but then remembered that we weren't doing that anymore. I don’t know why I was going to kiss him. I think it was just congratulatory. You know, like a well done for making me laugh. Callum turned to me his eyes all puffy and filled with sleep. I allowed myself to wipe them softly- I mean friends are allowed to do that, and even if friends aren't allowed to I'm sure best friends are.

Callum shook his head a little, rubbing himself into my palm like a little puppy dog. “Where are you going?” he asked sleepily.

I consciously rubbed my hands down my clothes. Or his and Hayley’s clothes I guess, it still shocks me how they just lent me their stuff when I didn’t have clothes to wear. I mean, Hayley would always take her time when giving me things but she’d always give them to me. “I'm going to my house.” I answered, “I don’t have any school clothes here.” I actually didn’t have any clothes there. I made a mental note to bring more over.

“Oh.” Callum yawned sitting up. “Ok, I’ll see you in 20 minutes.” He turned over and pulled his duvet closer to him. I almost laughed; he did that most mornings when I snuck out. Callum could always hold onto that magical dreamland and fall back into it at his whim. I envied and admired that.

I nodded moving away from my best friend and opening the window going to get ready for another day, the usual emptiness that filled me felt wider than usual.

I don’t understand why. Everything was normal. In fact things were more than normal. It was one of those Every-days. You know those days that are basically exactly the same as every other day of your life? That was that Monday: every other day of my life. Maybe that’s why I didn’t like it. It was too much like my normalcy. Even in those past few weeks that had been almost normal I had that zing of Practise, that idea that I could go home and have Callum make my body feel things that I’d never even thought of allowing someone to make me feel. Suddenly that was gone. Maybe that’s what was wrong.