Don't Judge Me (Being Edited)

34_ The Monopoly Man

Here we go.

I'm back and ready to tell you this story.

I didn't sleep much that night, and from what I heard next I can tell you that neither did the other occupants of Luke's house.

I sat in the dark with a tear-soaked pillow not doing its job of suffocating me but instead breathing in and out with my dank hoarse breaths. I wished it wouldn't. It made me think it was alive; it reminded how much I didn't want to be.

All the sounds of the world came through the window, but nothing from outside the room. And I wish wish wish Luke had come back. But I wished even more that Callum would crawl through the window and make me feel better somehow: because he was the only person who knew how to do that. And you know what? I couldn't even cry about thinking that, I could only hate myself. I was done with tears.

Someone did come into my room, but it was neither of the boys I thought about that night- and my entire life.

It was Luke's uncle- Richard Jordan.

"Quite a stunt you played at dinner." He commented. It didn't even sound as though he was speaking to me, but more like he was regarding the darkness, as though he frequently visited gloomy, empty rooms to perform a soliloquy or two. But when the obscurity didn't reply he resumed, saying, "I know you're not asleep. You snore."

I sat up, enraged, "No I don't!"

The man chuckled, "Oh children, they never fail to amuse me."

I scrunched up my face and thought bitter thoughts, mainly calling myself an idiot for walking straight into his little game.

"Despite your little foolish error there, you're a smart, little girl you know." He told me.

I sat and stared at him dumbly. I didn't know whether I was meant to reveal myself as some kind of super genius and declare that I knew how smart I was; or if I was meant to continue this whole being dumb "act"- *cough* not an act *cough*; or if I was meant to be offended about the fact that he called me little.

I chose the latter of course. Old habits die hard.

"I'm not that little." I said, matching the lighting of the room.

"Not that smart either, I guess." He said fishing again.

I bit my lip, stayed silent, and hoped he couldn't see how scared I looked.

He stepped up to the bed and made a move as though he was going to sit down on it.

I flinched. So much for that...

He cocked his head to the side; he seemed darker than the shadows. "What happened between you and Luke?"

I blinked, not sure what he was asking me, "When?" I managed to say, after another awkward pause.

"Earlier. In this room." He responded.

I stayed quiet and looked at my bare toes. I silently wished I still had Callum's ninja socks on. And even quieter than that, I wished for Callum.

"You didn't have sex did you?" He asked casually.

I convulsed, repulsed that this man- this old man that I had only met earlier that day- was asking me about my sex life. "NO!" I basically yelled.

The dark man grinned. He then laughed: that loud, whole, thunder laugh I had heard him perform towards Luke earlier on. "I know you didn't have sex." He chuckled, "A smart girl like you, give it away to a ditz like that."

I frowned, "How do you know I'm so smart?"

"True, if you'd been that smart then you would have hidden the spoon at dinner instead of just sending Luke to get a new one. Then again, your efforts would have been in vain. He didn't notice that it was right beside you."

I bit the inside of my cheek. That man had been watching me the whole time. A shiver went down my spine.

"It's ok, I won't tell." He whispered, placing a chubby, dark finger on his lips. I couldn't help but look at them- they were just like Luke's.

"Thank you." I said quickly, looking away just as fast.

I could hear him smirk, and I wondered what at, but I pushed my wondering mind away. I didn't have the energy.

I just wanted to sleep a thousand sleeps.

Really, at this point I should have been thinking about food. There was a time when food was my main priority but then, that whole section of my life really, I didn't think about food at all.

And with good reason too. I guess I should have mentioned this before, but I didn't. So I'm saying it now. I'd lost my appetite. Yes my stomach still grumbled and my head hurt and I would get dizzy and tired very quickly. And yes, I knew these were all faults of not eating properly. I knew I was hungry. It wasn't like I had forgotten or something.

I just suddenly had difficulties eating.

Well, not suddenly...

There were times when I was younger, like a lot younger, maybe 10 or 9 or something, when I would purposely not eat any food when I was at my house. It was partly because there weren't really many edible solids in the house, even then, and partly because I think I was attention seeking or something stupid like that. Not that either of them paid much attention.

And so it became a form of punishment. When I was particularly angry at myself, or frustrated with my being I would stop eating. It was like I had conditioned myself into starving whenever I believed I'd done anything wrong.

To eat would begin to make me feel physically sick when times were hard. I've been trying to deal with that for a while now, because I do understand, after some events that I'll tell you about later, that killing yourself is not the answer. But I didn't understand that then.

Sometimes I would imagine that I would finally get to this beautiful place where I could sleep a thousand sleeps and that I would never have to ever wake up.

Could you imagine it? I would close my eyes and never have to feel or think or live again. I wouldn't be tied down to this world anymore. I would have my own world, my own perfection that would most definitely, whether a dream or a nightmare, be better than life. Because right now, my dreams are my only solace in life- and goddammit they're not even real life...

But I digress, I guess.

"I like you." The dark man said, breaking my reverie.

I glanced up at him and I wondered. I wondered what it meant for a shady stranger that entered my almost-boyfriend's room in the middle of the night to say that they liked me. Thinking about it now, it doesn't sound good.

Then, in the dark where I felt I belonged, it felt... well, it felt kind of nice to be accepted.

"You're not like other girls." He continued, "Not like the others that Luke has bought home. You, you don't belong here."

I blinked. I didn't get that. Where did I belong then?

"I'm going to do something for you. I'm going to give you a get out of jail free card."

I stared in silence for a while and then finally said, "What?"

"I'm guessing you've played monopoly before."

I searched my mind for the game and then I remembered; I don't get why it took so long to come to me. I'd literally played it the other day with Callum. I nodded.

"So look at it like this, when you need me, and I mean really need me, I'll be there to help." And then he left. And I stayed and must have fallen asleep some time later, though I don't really remember doing so.

The important part of this chapter, I guess, is what I woke up to. There, on the floor, right where my feet where as I swinging out my legs, discombobulated and so darn confused as I'd woken up in an alien bed, was a monopoly card- a get out of jail free card to be exact, and on the back of it, slashed across the red background and an equally red question mark was an eleven digit number.

Thinking about it now it makes me want to hurl and cry and wish that I'd never EVER rung that number on the back of it.

But then, on that Friday morning, I felt safe.