Don't Judge Me (Being Edited)

16_ The Ball

this dedication is simply because your comments make me smile, and you're writing a book about Harry Potter :D  i do like Harry Potter, those who haven't done check it out. it's called "the only magic i need"

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There a lot of things that your body goes through when you’re a teenager. Things like: growth spurts, uncontrollable hormones, mood swings, spots, puberty… love.

And I, for one, had been ready for all of them.

Yes, I read the books, stupid factual ones, embarrassingly girly ones about them trying to get the guy of their dreams, I read them all. And I was ready.

I thought I was ready.

Turns out, no matter how much revision you do, it’s not enough.

Love had not been a theme that I really liked in stories.

Love didn’t really appeal to me when it was just love. I could never understand it. It was so… thoughtless. Love, I mean, not the people in it.

Love didn’t think about what it was doing, or what it got people into. It just… was.

Mr and Mrs Williams: they were the happiest people I knew, they were in love.

My parents: they were the worst people I knew, they’d been in love- even if it had just been for a night.

Love is an action, not a feeling.

I remember reading that somewhere. I stared at the words for ages.

Did that mean it wasn’t really love when I watched Luke from afar wondering what would happen if I ever did press my lips to his?

Did that mean it wasn’t love to stare at him, with his slight smile and black suit and pale pink shirt (which really suited him), like I was a starving woman and he was a KFC Bargain Bucket?

Does it mean that you have to show love, prove love, before it can be truly classed as it?

I don’t know why I was thinking of love while I looked at Luke. I guess, maybe, I was trying to work out if I really was in love with him.

The word love, when coupled with Callum, seemed like too much. When Susie told me she loved Ty I turned my nose up at them and said that teenagers didn’t know what love was.

Who was I to tell people what love was if I was going gaga over some boy?

Because, despite what the quote says, when I looked at Luke I felt the most overwhelming feeling that could only be described as love. And though, in the moment, I truly felt like shit I couldn’t stop smiling.

Because of Luke, I loved Luke.

Luke looked concerned, I couldn’t help but smile at that too. He probably thought I would be cold in the dress or something. I knew it looked a bit flimsy, but it really was warm and comfortable.

I literally skipped down the rest of the stairs and stood in front of him breathing heavily, he smiled warily at me. Luke reached forward and stroked my face, “You’ve been crying.”

I blinked a few times and watched as Luke drew his hand back and showed me the tear drop.

I’d been crying? It didn’t make any sense, what had I even been crying about?

“No I haven't.” I said, or rather, tried to say. My voice was thick and hoarse; I felt a large lump in it that just wouldn’t go down.

Luke frowned and I felt my eyes sting.