RE-UNITED: The New Chapter

The Pain Pt. 1

I gasped when I heard Lauren said that. Her words were like breaking my heart into tiny pieces. The way she said it, her breaking voice, her disappointment stare, and mostly her calm voice was definitely makes everything in me just starts to shaking and breaking. I couldn't be able to move. The screen's still showing Lauren and I, staring at eachother without any single words came out of our mouth. I clinched my hand and not realize that I'm crying until I feel something hot comes out of my eyes, and it was literally just fell to the ground without having any moment to goes through my cheek. For the second time, I feel myself broken and angry again. Not at Lauren, but at me. I broke my promises.

Before I could say any words or lose control, the screen's changing again. The same place, but different moment. I could see that the desk next to my bed are almost empty. I could see Lauren sat on my bed, while holding a little teddy bear. Mr. Gribble, I remember. I gave it to her when she was 5. I remember that moment.

I could see tears on her face, somehow it makes my heart hurt even more. There's nobody there except Lauren. This is the moment after I left, I knew it. "I miss you, Moose." She whispered. Then I heard a guy called her name downstairs. Lauren wiping away her tears and put the doll on my bed before she got up and going downstairs. The screen just follows her movement. It was her dad. our dad. my dad. he called Lauren useless, stupid, and then just push her to the wall. He, then, just walk away like nothing happened. My baby sister crying, and I could tell you that it hurts whenever she takes step to upstairs.

Another memory came. It was the moment where I see that my parents abusing my three baby sisters. And Lauren was hurted the most. One memory came and it shows how dad stabs Lauren right on her right waist. There was blood, and I could see that Lauren's getting paler and paler. "NO, LAUREN, HOLD ON!" I yelled here, obviously won't make any different and they all won't hear me. but it was a reflex movement. I feel so angry to both of my parents. Amy and Dani were crying on her side, trying to clean up her stab wound while Lauren was there, look pale and not showing any single movement.

She wakes up the next day, then start to shaking and I could tell you that she can't breath. Amy and Dani noticed it and they both got panic too at the situation. Lauren was having a panic attack. "L-lisa, Lis-sa, Mo-moose, Li-" she said while Amy trying to convince her to copying her breath. I broke down crying again, then it hit me.

I feel an awful pain starts taking control in my head. It was happened all of the sudden. Without warning, without phase, without anything. All of the things that I've watched on the screen just flashing out in my head. All of it just start to appear on different and in a non-explicit time. "STOP IT, PLEASE! STOP!"

"NO, LAUREN!" I yelled so loud until I could feel blood on my throat. I can't take the pain. it's all too much. it's not just the pain that the one who always appear when I tried ot remember. But, all of the grief and suffers and painful moment that my sisters has been through are there too. All of the laugh, the sadness, the miserable moments are there too. In my head. I witnessed how my parents abusing my three baby sisters. And the worst, the scary, and the most painful part is,

I feel them all.

This is lot more painful and scarier than when I was at the beach. Even it was nothing if it comes to be compared by this. at first theres a lot of face that spinning around in my head. They came so fast, and then get replaced by a new one. I don't even know when one of them is fading away. It's all just going so fast. slowly, I feel something painful in my head. It was like the last time I tried to remember when I was at the lake with Lauren, but this way much worse. It won't stop. And I didn't knocked out. It feels like someone who did this doesn't want me to stop. "PLEASE! IT HURTS! STOOP!" I'm screaming, adding the pain in my throat to my list of pain that I have in mind. I broke down crying and screaming while holding my head, savoring all of the pain that I know I cannot ever ignore.

Slowly, I remember something from my past. It feels like watching a flashback video, but with the fastest mode. It won't let me stopping the memory and watch it for a bit longer just like in the screen. It keeps going and going. And it was like puzzle. Slowly pieces that meant to be in the puzzle board just getting into its place. and some of them are so beautiful, until it beats my pain for three second straight. I saw my old friends face, my parents, my brothers, then my sisters. All of the people I have known before in the past was there. Not literally, but I mean all of the memories about them are there too. Whenever a piece come and tried to take its place, I feel like someone hit my head with a frickin huge hammer. I groan in pain, and honestly I feel like I can't take it anymore. I feel like I really want to give up. on this. on everything. The pain that attacks me just feel like too much.

As my brain had a thought like that, it all suddenly stops. They're all disappear just like in one-click. And so is the pain in my head. I take a deep breath before trying to get up. I hope I'm back to the lake when I open my eyes, hope this all just a dream. But then I was wrong. I'm still here. In this place. I look around, still can't believe that this whole thing is actually real. My heart beat faster after all of the pain and the panic attack of the fact that this is all real. This is happening.i feel my whole body is wet by the sweat.

"It's nothing. All of it in your head, is nothing."I look at the person who said that. I found the little me is still standing there with her emotionless face. Feeling a bit angry at what she said, I stare into her eyes. "You're not the one who felt it. How could-"

She cuts me off, then cupping my cheek with her little hands. "I am you, Lisa. How could I not feeling all of that painful moments?"

I feel hurt hearing it because of the tone that she used when she said that. I could almost feel there were disappointment, anger, sadness, sorrows tone mixed so well until it became solid when she said that. "Embrace the pain, Lisa. You need to feel the pain so you can get back your memories. it's not because you want to, but it's because you have to."

"You need to know everything that happened. You need to know, what happened after you broke my promises. And the only way to earn it is to embracing the pain. it's all worth the pain, Lisa, all of the memories. you will find what you're looking for after you have gone through it all." I look at her eyes with tears in mine. She's right, I can't give up. I need to know what happened. But the thought of the pain earlier just makes me have no gut. I don't want to go through it all. I don't want to. Its all just so painful. So torturing, and I don't know if I can survive or not.

"Do it for Lauren. She needs you so much right now." the little me whispered. Then suddenly I feel theres strength going inside me. I could feel my heart beat faster because I feel so scared but yet I feel so certain about what am I gonna choose.

"I'm ready."

HAAAI HELLOOO GUYS! I LOVE READING YOUR NICE COMMENTS YESTERDAY, IT MAKES ME HAPPY SO MUCH SO I DECIDED TO DO AN UPDATE HEHEHE BECAUSE FIRST I FEEL HAPPY AND SECOND I GOT AN IDEA LOL

anyway, today i had a conversation with a cimfam+swiftie on instagram, we talked about the lauren's bullying and the podcast season two. omg you guys need to see our stories! you wont believe what have we found!!!! just a reminder, it will makes you cant go to sleep after reading them OMG. find it on instagram; DANCIMFAM or NEVERLETMEFALL1989 hahaha you really need to see our stories!

oohhhhh and tell me what do you think about this chapter okayy?? and theres obviously will be a part two! so stay tuneeeeee! BAHAAHHA OKAY THEN

OH AND YOU REMEMBER WHEN SHE'S AT THE BEACH RIHGT? yes, that was the beach she talked about in this.

I LOVE U SO MUCH MI READERS. BYEEEE SEE YA LATER! COMMENTS!!!!