Would You Do It Again?

Chapter 15

KATHRYN

I stared at Amarah as she played with her toys. I convinced Andre to leave because he has classes today. He didn't want to leave her in the care of anybody, so I volunteered to stay with her for awhile.

As I watched Amarah I thought of what happened between Andre and I the night before. I told him I hated the very little girl who sat in front of me now. Each time I looked at her though, I couldn't imagine ever hating her. This girl, she was my life, but I didn't like that she wasn't mine.

When I was a little girl I dreamed of having three or four kids. The typical American dream. A suburban house with a white picket fence. Maybe even a dog, even though I have a strong fear of most dogs.

"Mommy are you and daddy still amigos?"Amarah asked quietly. "Papi Johns is teaching me Spanish."

I laughed. I walked over to her bed and sat beside her. She pushed her dolls out of the way and grabbed my hand.

"You're daddy and I are perfectly fine. Why are you asking?"

"I heard you arguing last night,"She frowned. "I hate it when you argue."

I pulled her in for a hug, "You're daddy and I just disagreed on something baby. We'll argue often, but it doesn't mean we aren't friends."

"I know you fucking lying! Donald Trump called you?"PJ shouted.

I took a sip from my glass of wine, "Yes, I told him I'm not sponsoring this lil publicity stunt of his. I hung up the phone and everything."

"Bitch! You hung up on the president of the United States. You a whole fucking fool, hoe."

"You acting like I hung up on Obama PJ. That's not my president."

He laughed and mixed the ingredients in a bowl. Amarah sat at the table coloring a book. Phrey and Andre were out getting groceries.

I stood up from the island and downed the rest of my wine. I felt a sharp pain in my stomach. I cried out in agony.

"Girl you okay?"PJ said concerned.

I nodded my head, "Period pain I think. Ima go take a shower. Call me when dinner is ready."

"Okay bitch. Don't die on us now,"He joked.

I gently giggled and walked down the hall. I turned into my room and sat down on my bed looking at my stomach. There was no sign of damage from the outside, so it was probably just period pain. I haven't had a period in forever, as long as I can remember.

My phone buzzed. It was Darnell of course. I turned it off and began to grab my clothes to take a shower. I grabbed my black yoga pants, a tank top, and my favorite pair of granny panties.

I walked into the bathroom and turn the shower on. I felt the sharp pain again in my stomach. I opened the cabinet and grabbed a few aspirin. I took them dry and started to undress.

I examined myself in the mirror. I had lost so much weight just from doing nothing. Most of my clothes were baggy, and I hated it. I've been trying to gain my weight back but it felt damn near impossible.

The water in the shower was scorching. I just stood there letting the water serenade me. It was calming and relaxing, something I never wanted to leave.

I grabbed my loofah and bent down to grab my shower gel. I noticed the red liquid flowing from my body. I bent down and observed the blood flowing down the drain. There was tiny clots, then they grew bigger. I picked one up. Tears flowed from my eyes and I figure out what it was.

I had a miscarriage.

I turned the water off and sat down on the floor crying. I've always wanted kids, just not now. I couldn't understand the thought of losing something I didn't know at all.

"A girl or a boy?"I asked holding my stomach.

The pain shot through my body again.

"I would've named you Tommy or Jorie,"I cried.

The blood kept flowing and I just sat there. I didn't move. I couldn't. All I could think about was that baby who just left.

A couple hours later...

"Kat! Ya 'ight? I ain't seen ya all day!"I heard someone shout.

I jumped up and looked at the red streaks that had dried up. I stepped out of the shower and threw on my clothes quickly. I knew where I was going.

I opened the door and saw Andre standing there. I pushed past him and ran to my car. I quickly started it up and drove off before anyone could as me questions. I was doing a 90 all the way to the richest neighborhood in this state. He had this coming for him and he knew it.

The gate slowly opened as I pushed in the numbers. I got out of the car and immediately ran to his door. I hit it with all my might hoping it would crash down. The door slowly opened and revealed Darnell.

"How could you fucking do this to me?"I shouted.

He stared at me like I was crazy, "Kathryn what are you doing? It's like 5 in the mor-"

"You got me pregnant! You knocked me up so I would stay with you!"I shouted. He looked down at his feet, "You fucking bastard!"I shouted as I punched him in his chest.

"Kathryn please let's talk about this like adu-"

"You knew! You knew this whole time! You knew I was pregnant!"I shouted.

"I told them to terminate the baby, but obviously that didn't happen. I got you pregnant when you told me you first wanted a divorce. When you fell into a coma it was either you and the child, or just the child. So I told them to terminate it. I guess your body is just now reacting because you just wo-"

"You told them to kill my baby?"I cried.

"Our ba-"

I punched him in his mouth. He stumbled backwards and hit the end table, which made the glass vase on it fall.

"My baby! I hate you! I never want to see your dusty old ass anymore, you fucking bastard! Rot in hell!"I screamed.

"I want a brother."Amarah whined.

"Baby, mommy can't have kids right now but I promise as soon as I get bett-"

The door opened and in walked Andre, "Daddy! Can you give mommy a baby?"Amarah shouted. "Uncle Phrey told me that men give the babies to the women, not the stork. I asked how but he wouldn't tell me."

"Woah woah woah, can I get a good afternoon first?"Andre asked.

"Good afternoon father,"Amarah replied smartly. "Now can you give mommy a baby or not? If you don't then I'll get someone else to do it."

"Drop that tone fo' I whoop ya lil girl."

Amarah pouted and looked at me.

"We aren't going to give you a brother or sister until you learn how to act,"I said.

Andre smirked, "So we gon..." He cleared his throat.

"You're hilarious Andre."