The Grim Lost

The Party

(Despair's P.O.V.)

My jaw dropped silently. Ruin was going to a social gathering and leaving everyone in the hands of these two?! I closed my mouth abruptly, hoping she'd at least look at me. No such luck. She continued dictating to them what they were supposed to do in the two hours she'd be gone.

"Kids bathed and early to bed, that'll keep them out of the way while you take my place in the pack meeting tonight. All mated wolves are to be assigned dwellings other than the pack house. Yes, that does include you, Chaos. Perhaps I can finally get Skotadi out of my house..." Her muttering went on without any acknowledgement.

Chaos raised her eyebrow, looking the alpha over, "You're not going out in that are you?"

"No." Ruin replied hesitantly. I rolled my eyes, unconsciously reaching for her in the depths of my mind. Her eyes finally met mine.

"Why are you even going out? You hate leaving the house unless it's an emergency," I said. Wondering why the pain in her eyes was still present, I ran my fingers through my hair. 

Ruin looked away, murmuring, "Sisterly bonding time."

The words felt like a knife as I turned away and slowly walked out. I wasn't sure why I even was in her office in the first place. I broke it off. I needed to think. So why did it hurt? 

She deserved someone better. Someone who could suit her lifestyle. I tried being that and wasn't happy. Happy... a word that was so highly abused that it no longer held true meaning. Her mark was already burned from my flesh. Dusk saw me walk out the front door and cornered me on the steps.

"Where ya going, twin?" he asked. His sight was able to see directly through any mask I put up so I stuck with telling him the truth.

"I don't know yet. Maybe my dad will take me back. I just can't be around Ruin right now," I told him.

"You accepted her rejection and left her after she gave you everything. You leave yet come back. She leaves and you follow her. Both of you have a gravitational pull toward each other. It's deeper than the second form's level. Pull your head out of your ass and tell her how you really feel. If you weren't happy tell her why. Don't just walk away because things are getting complicated or hard. Seriously, would you quit being stupid?" Dusk said, snapping near the end. I glared at him. I wasn't trying to be stupid. Dad and I had discussed this at great length. Yes, I still cared for Ruin. Didn't mean I was going to spend every waking moment within a mile radius of her. 

"I did it because I need to try to find myself before trying to commit myself to someone for the rest of my life," I said.

"You didn't seem to have been lost in the first place when you proposed."

My blood ran cold, "Shut up."

"No, Despair. It's time to step out of your own head. Figure out what the Hell you want and let us know," Dusk said as he turned to go back inside. "We'll be here."

I sighed, walking down the pathway that lead to the woods. I was just going to wander around until I felt better because honestly, the blackberry device in my back pocket felt heavier than a twenty-five pound weight. Ruin found out they were a thing and insisted everyone in the pack get one. I wasn't a fan of being a lone wolf so I relented. Time passed quickly and the sun vanished from the sky.

I wasn't sure how long I'd been out there when it started buzzing. Picking it up, I answered without checking who it was, "Hello?" 

"You'd better come quick. She's about to make a big mistake," said the voice on the other end. 

"Havoc? What's going on?" I asked.

"Ruin got a bit too drunk..." she said.

I growled, "I'm on my way." Turning around, my body had never moved so fast before in my life. I knew she wasn't at the pack house. Why was I being called to keep her in check? There was time to answer that later. 

Before I knew it, Ruin's scent had invaded my nostrils, along with the heavy smell of vodka and tequila. I stormed into the factory building and followed my senses to where Havoc was trying to pull Ruin of some random dude without a shirt. I knew the second she sensed me because her drunken smile crashed down into a broken pout. She looked over at me. 

"Come here. Now," I growled, pointing at the ground in front of me. Ruin hung her head low and came over to me. 

"Despair, I am so sor-"

"Save it, Havoc. I've got to get her home." I scowled. I picked Ruin up bridal style and walked out. She nuzzled my neck where her mark had been before I seared it off. Seeming to realize that, she stopped and tried to pull away from me.

"Put me down," her voice thick with wasted emotions. I ignored her, continuing on the way back to her house. She weakly pounded my chest, "Please. I don't want to be a burden to you. Especially since I was your charity case."

I froze, looking down at her, "Do you really believe that's what I thought of you?"

"It's what it sounded like..." she shrugged, tears openly pouring down her cheeks. It began to snow but apparently it didn't register to her. There wasn't a reason to doubt why, her body temperature was enough to warm herself, me, and possibly three Eskimos. It was like my emotions were nothing. I cared for her the way Mother Nature cared for the Earth's wildlife. Yet...

"Ruin, you weren't a charity case. I honestly loved you. But as time went on and you became busy with the pack; I saw that you had a life I wasn't ready for. I couldn't be happy like that," I told her. 

She stayed silent, her bare arms crossed over her chest as she curled into herself. I adjusted my hold on her so she was sitting on my hip like a child. Ruin laid her head on my shoulder. There was no way this was going to be easy. I sighed and set her down on the front steps.

"This is as far as I go." I said when she looked at me with an almost hopeful expression. Looking back down, she nodded and went inside.

I finally allowed a few tears to slip out. I loved and I loved, and I lost her.