Disconsolate| LS

26

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Two weeks turned into a month and pretty soon a month turned into two months. The more time Louis spent away from Harry the more things became clear.

He really let Harry walk all over him. He realized now that Harry never treated him fairly.

He took his anger out on Louis and then when he was angry for doing it to Louis he'd go and take that self hatred out on someone else through sex. But then after Louis ran away and opened Harry's eyes a little, that's when he started to use Louis for sex. Granted, Louis let him because Harry was closed off for so long that they didn't do anything really sexual for almost two years.

But he still did it. Louis' mind was clearer now. He'd come into terms with things that he hadn't before.

Maybe Harry was the issue after all. He was feeling more free now than he ever has. As much as he'd like to admit it, his feelings for Jules strengthened, but he couldn't say anything. He wanted to hold onto whatever he had left with Harry.

On another note he wanted to explore what could be done with Jules. Jules made him feel young and lively. He pushed him out of his comfort zone, he made him try new foods, made him do stuff he wouldn't normally do, wear clothes he wouldn't normally wear. Jules just brought out a different side to Louis.

A side to him that he was really starting to like. A side he didn't get to experience in his last few years with Harry. When he thinks about it, not even in the first year of Harry and Louis being together did he feel anything like this.

He felt like he was in the honey moon faze at that time and everything moved too quick. Of course he never got to experience a honey moon before. Harry never even proposed.

Around the second month Harry began to crack. He started to send Louis messages, voice calls, anything to get his attention. He really missed Louis. He felt lost.

Confused. Hurt. It was indescribable the amount of nothingness Harry felt without Louis. The only time he felt something was when he would think about Jules. That sparked an anger in him than nothing else has.

He blamed Jules for everything. Louis would've never started drifting from him if it weren't for Jules.

Louis would've never left him if it weren't for Jules. He'd be here if it weren't for Jules. But in his mind somewhere he knew that this was all Louis' doing and he needed to be strong in case Louis came back.

But a little voice in his head constantly whispered to him that Louis may never be back.

Harry was a mess. He was missing work. He was on the verge of becoming an alcoholic. Just add that to his whole list of problems, no big deal. Zayn has even given up on him. Zayn. His best friend in the whole world for the last year, was giving up on him. If that didn't make him pull his head out of his ass he didn't know what would.

He tried to hang on. Tried to do his best. But he just felt like he wasn't succeeding. If anything, he was going in reverse. It was getting worse not better.

His days were feeling longer not shorter. He was feeling unhappy, not content.

He wanted his Louis, not a bottle of beer.
-

"Jules I swear if you touch me one more time," Louis warned with his eyes still glued to his phone.

"You aren't paying attention to me! My feelings are hurt," Jules gave a pout and stared at the boring TV.

"You're fine."

"You're mean."

Louis looked up to the hazel eyes that were already piercing his.

"Don't be mad at me little cupcake!" Louis cooed as he grabbed Jules cheek.

Jules grabbed Louis' hand and intertwined their fingers. "Yay! Your attention!" He joked. Louis glared and tried to pull his hand away.

"You're so annoyinggg!"

Jules laughed and let his forehead rest against Louis' shoulder.

"You love me."

"Yeah, yeah," he grumbled while unlocking his phone.

-

"Mate you can't call in sick again. You have to show to work," Zayn spoke through the receiver.

"I can do whatever I damn well please," Harry stated with red eyes. He was hungover and not happy.

"They're gonna fire you lad. 'M only looking out for you, but if you're gonna be a dick then fine," Zayn muttered before hanging up.

Harry sighed and went to his messages.

[2:02 pm]
Zayn:
Im sorry :(

Was he sorry? Not really. Did he feel sorry for himself? Perhaps.

This whole "break" thing was a mistake. He should've never let Louis go. This was his fault for not being persistent with him.

He could've prevented all of this. Harry would rather Louis be here screaming in his face then be gone for a while 2 months without saying a goddamned word. Not even a "Hey, sorry about everything. I'm doing fine."

Leave it to Louis to be petty. Or whatever. Harry didn't know what to make of the situation anymore. All he knew was that he felt like a failure and now he had no one by his side. No one understood him.

But oh, Louis has Jules. It's okay. Everything's fine. He bets they're just friends. But he doesn't know how much he counts on that.

Especially with no word from Louis since they last spoke. He should've forced him out of the car. Made him talk. Instead he lost his balls and walked away like a coward.

Man Harry you are a fucking idiot sometimes.. he thought to himself. He took a swig of the half empty bottle in his hand. The living room was a nightmare. There was empty bottles, a couple old boxes of take out on the coffee table. The living room blankets were unfolded and everywhere on the couch, napkins spewed here and there throughout the room, and worst of all,

Harry looked like the god damned center of the train wreck.

You could see it in his face. The way his eyes dropped with lack of sleep. The way his smile didn't appear genuine, more sadistic like. The way his usually curly hair was all out of sorts. Oily, knotted, everywhere.

He was just living his nightmares, and he didn't know how to escape.

-

Sorry this is kinda short.

Thoughts?

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Unedited.