My Childhood Player

Chapter 14. "You owe me now"

**

It's been two days since my blow out with Colton and so far life sucked.

I guess you could say I was in a mood of some sort but I wasn't exactly angry, No. I was depressed. Depressed at the fact that I may have ruined my chance at finally getting along with Colton. Depressed at the fact that Colton told me he cared about me. Then took it back.

I just couldn't do it. I couldn't just accept Colton back into my life as if it were nothing.

On the outside I know I may look like I seek attention but on the inside I know that deep down, I don't want Colton to care.

If he had known what I have been through all these years then maybe he would understand where I'm coming from.

I act the way I do simply because I couldn't give less than a fuck about what people think about me, Simply because I don't want anyone to see the real me.

And after all these years my so called 'Front' the facade I put up isn't a facade it's the real me. I've changed and maybe once this starts to sink into everybody's head, I will finally be left alone.

But for now I don't want Colton to be my friend, I don't want Colton to care about me, I don't want anyone caring for me for that matter.

**

Smoke blew out from my lips as I inhaled the cigarette.

They say that smoking slowly rots you from the inside out, Others say that it's a form of release. Something to relieve us from the stress weighing in on our shoulders.

I usually do it for fun, For the hell of it.

But right now I needed it.

Some would think it's a gift, to be able to mask what emotions are running through you and others would say it's a curse, Because having to hide what your feeling for other people's benefits isn't as healthy as you think it is.

I shook my head and butted out the cigarette before making my way back inside the Crawford mansion.

I entered through the back and saw that it was nearly two in the morning.

I sighed and made my way up the long beautifully shaped stair case and made my way to my room.

I sat down at the window seat so I could gaze out at the sky.

Something that Colton and I would do often when we were younger.

My thoughts seemed to revolve around Colton a lot this past few days.

"Hey" I heard from behind me and I turned around to see Jackson leaning against my doorframe.

"Hello"

"You smoke" It wasn't a question, It was a statement.

"Once in a while" I looked back out at the glowing stars.

"It's not healthy"

"I don't care"

"Why not?"

"Why should I?"

"Alex.." He sighed exasperatedly.

"Jax.." I mimicked playfully to which he smiled softly.

He walked into my room and sat on my bed leaning on the head board.

"Any particular reason you choose to poison your insides with nicotine?" He asked.