worlds pass by | dear evan hansen

Chapter 30

It was Rachel who walked into Kasey's dressing room and found her sitting at her dresser, staring blankly at her script.

She immediately rushed to Kasey's side, sitting down in the chair beside her. "What happened?" she asked, taking in Kasey's red eyes.

"Someone from Spongebob told me what was going on. Jace was fired," Kasey said, her tone flat. "They got him fired."

"Who?" Rachel demanded.

"The leads. Ethan and Gavin, probably."

"I'm so sorry, Kasey."

"It just makes me so angry," Kasey said, turning toward Rachel, her jaw set. "It should never be like this. Broadway should never. The workplace should never drive someone... to kill themselves. That shouldn't happen."

Rachel swallowed. "You're absolutely right."

"There must have been something someone could have done. I just keep thinking... what if I had noticed? What if someone had said something to the union or just anyone? If they'd done that-"

"Don't, don't think like that," Rachel begged. "You can't let yourself do this. You can't constantly be thinking about what you might have done, what could have been done. I don't want you to go down this road. I'm afraid that you'll never stop thinking about the 'what ifs'. I know it's hard, I know you're always going to wonder."

"You don't have the right to judge me for what I do and do not think. Jace killed himself. He's dead," Kasey snapped. Rachel blinked.

"Alright, then."

"That's not what I meant, Rachel- I just... I'm just so frustrated, and angry, at everything right now. I wish he'd said something."

"I know, sweetie, I know."

Kasey sighed.

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is half-hour."

She sighed deeply, running a hand through her hair. "I guess I have to get ready for the show."

Rachel stood up slowly and started to leave. "You should call out," she said, stopping at the door. "If there's something you need to do."

With that, she disappeared into her own dressing room, leaving Kasey sitting there, head tilted to the side.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rachel wasn't surprised when Kasey was absent from the show. Olivia had gotten ready in record time, and performed for the matinee.

An hour before the evening show, the rumors began. Nothing was confirmed yet, but-

Spongebob's evening show had been cancelled. 

She suspected she knew why. Her guess was only confirmed when she stopped by Kasey's dressing room, to see who was there- Kasey, or Olivia.

Kasey was there. She seemed composed as she brushed eye-shadow onto her eyelids. 

"Do you know what happened?" Rachel asked cautiously.

"Yes," Kasey answered without blinking. "It needed to be done. You were right, there was something I could do about it. Now no one else will have to deal with that kind of environment again. Not on that show. Not while I have any kind of a say in it. I won't let what happened to Jace happen to anyone else."

Rachel smiled a little. She couldn't deny that she was proud of Kasey. Speaking out was difficult, in an industry where image was everything.

"I'm glad that you said something."

"So am I," Kasey said, as she sprayed her hair into place. She turned to Rachel. "Thank you, for encouraging me to do that. I don't think I could have done it without you."

"Of course. Always."

Kasey took a deep breath. "Do you have some time?"

Rachel checked her watch. "About ten minutes. I can wait after the show, if you need to talk, but I do have to get ready and put on makeup."

"No, it's--- Moira wants to start planning the funeral."

Rachel's heart sank. "I'm sorry, Kasey."

"I knew it was coming," Kasey said quickly. "But... I don't want to do it. It makes it seem so much more real, when we start talking about gravestones, and flowers, and guests. It seems so unfair."

"It's not fair, Kasey, you need to know that. You've done nothing to deserve a burden like this. I know it's hard to think about how to memorialize Jace... Try to think of it as therapeutic. For closure. To let go of some of what makes this hard."

Kasey fiddled with the ends of her makeup brush. Finally, she looked up, eyes glistening. "I don't want to forget him."

"Oh, Kasey," Rachel sighed, wrapping the younger girl in a hug. "You won't forget him. He will always be with you, and he'll always be watching over you. I think he would want you to be able to get some peace about all of this."

"I feel like I'm betraying him, somehow, by moving on. Like he'll be angry."

"He would never be angry for that. He loved you."

"Apparently that wasn't enough."

Rachel swallowed. "If anything, do the funeral for Moira and Andrew. So that they can find some closure the way that they need. I'll help you do what you need, too."

"You really think the funeral is going to make them feel better about losing Jace?" Kasey asked quietly. There was no anger in her voice. She just sounded resigned.

"It would give them time to remember and reflect with people that care about him. They would know that Jace meant something to more than just you."

Kasey sighed. "I'll talk to her. Thank you for your advice."