worlds pass by | dear evan hansen

Chapter 20

author's note: i don't usually write these at the beginning of chapters, but from here on out things are gonna be dark. just want to say that if you have any triggers with depression/suicide, be careful reading this. and, as always, feel free to contact me if you need anyone. you're not alone :) have a great day, wherever you are!

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Time flew by. Now, there was less than a week until the wedding, and Jace was definitely feeling the pressure. The expectations behind the wedding seemed so high- a lot of people from Broadway were coming, not to mention his parents and his brother.

This was the most important time in his life- and if he didn't match the standards Jonathan had set at his wedding, his parents would both be disappointed. Mostly his father, who already disapproved of his impending marriage to Kasey. For some reason, Andrew and Kasey never connected. And that hurt.

Both Jace and Kasey planned to miss a week of shows, starting the day before the wedding. That meant they would have one day to prepare, one day to get married, and five days for their trip to England. 

The director of Spongebob called Jace into her office, presumably to talk about Jace's week-long vacation from the show.

"Jace, I need to talk to you," Tina said, sitting Jace down on the couch. Her face was deadly serious. Jace's stomach sank. 

His heart dropped to the floor before she even said the words. "The creative team thinks that it's time for you to leave the show," she told him.

Jace opened his mouth, but nothing came out. It felt like there was a weight sitting on his lungs. He couldn't breathe. 

"They don't think you're meshing well with the cast, and they think it's affecting the performance of others. I really do want the best for you, truly I do. And trust me when I say this, but I didn't want this to happen. This is coming from people more powerful than me."

Jace finally found the words to speak. "You're firing me," he said flatly, fighting to keep his voice steady. 

Tina gave him a look of pity. Jace hated it. He wanted to slap the expression off her face, but he was frozen in place. He wanted to protest, to ask why.

"I really hate that this is happening," Tina continued, moisture in the corners of her eyes. "I love your performance. This is not a reflection of your talent in any way, please remember that. I don't want you to leave thinking you failed. If anything, we failed you. I've seen you struggling. I know what the cast is doing."

"Then fire them!" Jace exclaimed, standing up. "How could you do this?!"

"It's not up to me," Tina cried. "I'm so, so sorry, Jace. But they're terminating your contract on November 30. Your final show is in two days."

"You can't do this."

"I wish I could have stopped their decision. I tried, I really did. But I know you'll find another show, where you can be free of everything that's happened here."

Jace tried to form words. "Why?" he finally managed.

"Honestly? I don't know."

"Please, Tina, give me a chance. My wedding is in a few days. How am I supposed to tell Kasey?" Jace ran a hand through his hair.

"I'm sorry."

"No, you aren't."

"Jace, I think you need to go."

Jace set his jaw and turned on his heel. Before he stepped out the door, he opened his mouth to speak, but Tina had already turned back to her paperwork. As if Jace had never been there. As if she hasn't just fired him and ruined his career.

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He didn't go home for a long time. It didn't matter anyway- Kasey had two performances, so she wouldn't even notice his unusual behavior.

Thoughts flashed in his mind like bolts of lighting, one after the other.

He'd just been fired. He never would have pictured his career going like this. He never would have thought he'd be fired like this.

This wasn't how it was supposed to be. He was supposed to be happy, he was supposed to be at the peak of his career.

Instead, Jace was the lowest of the low. They'd hated him so much that they'd fired him. Because he wasn't good enough. Because he had been so bad, that they didn't even ask him what he thought before doing it.

How was he supposed to tell Kasey?

"Heard they finally fired ya. Thank god," Gavin called across the street as Jace walked toward the apartment.

"Screw you."

"Says the man who's just been fired."

Jace's face flushed. How could he have known about that? "You asshole."

"Nothing you can do about it now. They'll just think you're trying to get your job back. Not that they'll give it to a failure like you. What're you gonna tell your girlfriend?" Gavin jeered. "Poor Kasey Winslow, married to a man who can't even keep a job."

"Don't you ever talk about her," Jace spat. "Don't you even say her name."

Kasey. He couldn't face her. How could he go home and tell her that he failed, that he'd been fired?

He'd never been good enough for her. This was just another reason why he didn't deserve her. He was useless, talentless, and now jobless.

He was supposed to be the one to provide for her. He was supposed to take care of her, and comfort her, and give her anything she could possibly want.

If he couldn't be there for her, and be the strong one, she needed someone who could. And that wasn't him. Not anymore. He was nobody.

She didn't need him.

Jace started walking, pulling out his phone and scrolling through the contacts for one number.

In a dressing room blocks away, a phone rang. It rang seven times, but fell silent, unanswered.