worlds pass by | dear evan hansen

Chapter 23

A walk that would have taken Carleigh fifteen minutes on a normal day took her only seven. Kasey hadn't been specific, but Carleigh knew it was bad. She could tell just by the flat, detached voice Kasey used on the phone. She knew her friend too well for that detail to slip by.

The entire way there, Carleigh prayed that everything would be alright. Kasey already had gone through so much. She didn't need something to happen to Jace, too. She didn't deserve it. 

It seemed like the security guard was waiting for her when she got there- he opened the door instantly, bypassing the fans who were still gathered at the stage door. Only Taylor, Phoenix, and Michael were outside signing things. All looked subdued. 

Carleigh heard a girl ask "Why wasn't Kasey in bows?"

And Phoenix had no answer.

That's when she knew.

It was almost unheard of for a manager to pull an actor out of the final bows. It was so close to the end of the show that if the actor had to leave, they just waited until the bows were over.

Whatever had happened must have been so much worse than Carleigh was hoping it was.

Jennifer met Carleigh in the door. "She's changing out of her costume. Just... take care of her. Make sure she doesn't do anything stupid."

"What happened?" Carleigh asked anxiously. 

Jennifer shifted her weight awkwardly. "It's probably better if she tells you. But I'm worried. She seems to have taken it all in too quickly."

Carleigh took a deep breath and climbed the stairs to Kasey's dressing room, passing Rachel's, Jennifer's, and Phoenix's before she reached Kasey's door.

"It's Carleigh," she said, stepping inside. Kasey was just putting on her jacket. She turned, and, in an instant, she threw her arms around Carleigh's neck.

After a few seconds, Carleigh pulled away, holding Kasey at arm's length. "What happened? Tell me."

Kasey swallowed. "I don't.... I don't know much. All I know is that- that Jace committed suicide."

Carleigh's heart broke. "Oh, Kasey... Is there- is there anything you need?"

"I'm going to the apartment now. Please come with me," Kasey said. "I can't do it alone. I don't know what I'll do if I'm alone."

"You won't be alone. Not today," Carleigh promised. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Police cars, lights flashing, were parked outside of Kasey and Jace's apartment building. Christy Altomare sat on the curb of the sidewalk, arms folded over her knees. John Bolton was next to her, on his phone.

They stood up when they saw Kasey and Carleigh approaching.

"I'm so, so, so sorry," Christy said immediately, tears glistening in her eyes. "I tried to contact you as soon as I found out, but-"

Kasey cut Christy off by wrapping her friend in a hug. "It's not your fault," she murmured, and then pulled away. She took a breath to compose herself. "Tell me what happened."

Christy and John exchanged glances. "Jace called me, during the matinee. I didn't pick up, I was onstage. I didn't find it until later, an hour or two after," Christy explained. "Um, I called you first, but you must have been doing something else."

"We called the police. His message... we thought we should get here as soon as possible," John, sensing Christy's hesitance, continued. "We called the police, they met us here."

The two were quiet. Carleigh squeezed Kasey's hand tightly. 

"I think you should go in," Christy said finally, her voice soft. "I think you should see for yourself. It's not for me to tell you."

Kasey swallowed and nodded. "Thank you, both of you. I know it couldn't have been easy. I don't know why he would have called you, Christy, but... thank you, for trying. It- it means a lot to me."

"I'm so sorry," John told Kasey. "If there's anything we can do, just let me know."

"Go home. There's nothing else you can do. Just... don't tell anyone, not yet. I want to be the one to announce it. It's only right," Kasey said, her voice resigned. "And don't blame yourself. There was nothing you could have done."

The two gave Kasey one last hug before they set off down the street. 

Carleigh glanced up at the floors of the apartment building, knowing that one of the lighted windows was Jace's, imagining what they'd find when they went up. 

"Kasey Winslow?"

Kasey turned. It was a young police officer, holding a clipboard. "You can go up, if you'd like. I'm sorry for your loss."

Those few words. I'm sorry for your loss. It already felt like Kasey had heard those words more times today than she'd ever heard in her life. She'd always hated those words. Was this what the rest of her life would be? People apologizing, because everyone she loved seemed to die?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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