worlds pass by | dear evan hansen

Chapter 24

Kasey could just see the top of Andrew's head as he and Moira emerged from retrieving their bags. Her heart was pounding.

How could she face the parents of the boy she had failed? 

Because, after all, that's what she had done. She had failed them- she was supposed to take care of Jace, and know what was going on. She should have seen something. She should have seen the signs, gotten him help, something. She hadn't even though that the bullying was still going on. She thought he'd taken care of it.

There were so many things about Jace she hadn't known.

Funny how the truth comes out when a person is gone, she thought bitterly. 

She saw a flash of blonde hair, for a second thinking - hoping - that it was Jace, only to be disappointed when it was not Jace, but Jordan who emerged with Moira and Andrew.

Moira threw her arms around Kasey as soon as she saw her, already sobbing. Kasey's breath caught in her throat, but she choked down her own tears and instead awkwardly hugged Moira back. 

They separated after what seemed like an eternity, Moira's mascara running down her face. Andrew stepped forward.

Kasey couldn't help but take a step back, unsure of what Andrew was about to say. 

Andrew cleared his throat. "I- I know we've never gotten along, Kasey... but I know what you've done- what you tried to do for Jace. And I can never thank you enough. You don't know how close he was to- to this kind of thing, before he met you. You gave us a few more years with him. You'll never understand how much... how much that means. To me," he said haltingly.

Kasey gave him a watery smile. "I'm sorry I couldn't have done more."

"It wasn't your fault," Andrew told her gruffly. "He wouldn't want you to blame yourself."

"I know."

"We don't have to hug, right?"

"No," Kasey said with a little laugh. "No, we don't have to hug."

"Good."

Then, it was Jordan's turn. Kasey almost couldn't bear to look at him. He looked so much like Jace that it hurt. His hair, his eyes... From a distance, he could have been Jace.

But he wasn't. Jace was gone.

He hugged Kasey tightly, and for a moment, she could almost believe that Jace was there with her. "Even with what happened, you're still a Reynolds. No matter what. I promise you, I'll always be there for you. Even if Jace can't. I promised him, if anything ever happened... I just didn't think it would be like this."

Kasey opened her mouth to reply but couldn't come up with anything to say, so she just nodded. Jordan seemed to understand. 

"You're always welcome. Anytime. I know Rachel would love to have you over, and Ally's obsessed with you. If you ever need somewhere to get away from New York City."

"Thank you," Kasey said simply. 

They stood there awkwardly for a moment, no one sure of what to say next. Without Jace there, nothing really connected them. He'd been the one to bring them together. They'd flown over so quickly because their tickets were for the wedding. Not this. 

Kasey never would have imagined that she'd be mourning instead of celebrating the week of her wedding. 

"We can head out," she suggested finally. "Is- is there anything you need?"

Moira and Andrew exchanged glances. "I'd like to see my son," Andrew said finally. "I'd like to see where it happened."

Kasey swallowed. "We can, if that's where you want to go."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She wasn't sure which part of this week had been the worst- seeing Jace's body the first time, in the apartment, or the second, in the funeral home.

They'd already prepared his body. 

It was strange to see him lying so still in a casket, when he was usually so full of life. He was dressed in a suit- the same suit he'd worn for the opening night of Spongebob. It was ironic, really, since Kasey was sure that it was Spongebob that had driven Jace to commit suicide.

Moira's cries were the hardest to hear- a mother who had just lost her son. 

Even though Kasey knew it wasn't her fault entirely, she couldn't help but feel responsible. 

How was it fair, that Jace was dead, and Kasey was alive? Jace had a family- a mother, a father, a brother, a niece. Kasey had no one- no one except Carleigh. 

In that moment, Kasey would have traded places with Jace in a heartbeat. If it could spare Moira's anguish, if it could somehow fix everything that had gone wrong. 

But instead, she was still there, and Jace was the one who was gone. 

She couldn't look, couldn't stay and witness the Reynolds' pain. She was all too familiar with the feelings that they were going through. 

First, her parents and her brother. That had been hard enough. But she had only been seven, and the memory of them was fading. So that pain had dulled.

Then, Paul and Wendy. At least, with them, she knew that the fire had been an accident. She'd grieved, but was reassured with the fact that they'd lived happy lives until their deaths.

But Jace- his death was unbearable. 

She couldn't put into words the pain his death caused. It was too much, too difficult. He'd promised her he'd stay, and yet, here she was. 

He'd promised. 

No one seemed to tell the truth, Kasey thought bitterly.