worlds pass by | dear evan hansen

Chapter 29

There were a few hours before the next performance began. Kasey was listening to an audio book on the way to the theatre- the same one she'd been listening to before Jace died. But she wasn't registering a single word. She had trouble concentrating much of anything lately- everything was overshadowed by Jace's all-too real absence.

It was enough to just perform. That got her through the day, at least, and stopped her from thinking about him every minute. It let her breathe. Even it wasn't all that different from her own life, at least she could pretend to be someone else for a few hours. 

She felt guilty thinking like that- like Jace's death was a burden. But she couldn't deny that it was. 

"Excuse me," someone said, tapping Kasey on the shoulder. She pulled out an earbud. 

"Can I help you with something?" she asked, a little abruptly. 

"Um, yeah. You're Kasey Winslow, right? Jace's fiancee?" the man asked her. He looked strangely familiar, but Kasey couldn't quite place where she'd seen this person before.

"That's me."

"I'm Cole. Cole Gilbert. I'm in the ensemble of Spongebob. I think there's something you need to know. And I don't think that anyone's told you yet. It's about Jace. Do you have time?"

Kasey took a deep breath and took out the other earbud. "I have a few hours before the matinee. I'll give you that much."

"That's more than enough."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cole followed Kasey to a small cafe. Neither of them ordered anything- they just sat in an area furnished with plush chairs. 

"Explain," Kasey said, not unkindly. It was hard to sit and wait to hear what Cole was going to say. The circumstances surrounding Jace's death were still muddled- part of her was afraid to know what had driven him over the edge. The other part of her was afraid of what she'd do when she knew what happened.

"They didn't want us to talk about it, or tell you. They're trying to keep it on the down low, I guess, because they don't want the show to get reviewed. There's an ethical code, you know," Cole said hesitantly. "The ensemble and I... we think that you have a right. To know what happened."

Kasey's eyes narrowed. "Go on."

"This has been going on for a while... but you probably know that the leads weren't exactly... welcoming... to cast members they didn't like. They tend to treat the ensemble and crew like trash, and for some reason, they decided they didn't like Jace, too. I don't know why. He was the ensemble's favorite. He appreciated us more," Cole explained. "I guess they didn't like something about him. In the workshop, when it was someone else, it was fine. Everyone got along."

"But then, on Broadway, that's when the harassment started. It was just little things. They passed it off as hazing at first, because Jace joined the cast late. Then I think the leads got big heads about all the publicity, and they started acting out."

"It was manageable for a while, but then it started to get worse. For everyone they didn't like. Every show was awful, behind the scenes was awful. Honestly, the only reason why a lot of us stayed was because of everyone else in the ensemble, and Jace."

Cole glanced at Kasey. Her jaw was clenched. "Do- do you want me to continue?"

"I need to hear everything."

"We started hearing things... the leads kept bragging about something they'd done. Then some of the ensemble overheard them talking about how they'd rigged the Tony awards. You probably know about that," Cole said. "Um, they figured out how to delete Frozen from the system. We all talked about it and we decided that we should say something. So we did."

"I guess they blamed Jace for that. Their eligibility was down the drain. And they took out all their anger out backstage. For the past few months it's really gotten bad. I'm leaving in a few weeks, and other people are talking about it, too. With Jace- with Jace gone... there's not anything really to stay for."

Anger started boiling in Kasey's stomach. She knew it had been bad for Jace... she just didn't know how bad.

"We tried to tell the leads that it wasn't just Jace that told the Tony officials, it was all of us. But he wouldn't let us take some of the heat. He was taking all the crap for us. I don't know why he didn't let us share some of the burden. But he was selfless. We all respect him for that. He definitely earned our trust."

"The leads weren't happy with him. At all. They wanted him gone. They tried to get him to quit on his own, by insulting him and telling him he wasn't good enough. We could tell that it was taking its toll. We begged him to let us fess up. But he insisted."

Cole swallowed. "The leads got fed up with trying to get him to leave. They must've gone to the producers and casting directors. They told them that Jace was harassing some of the girls, and said he was inappropriate onstage and off. They basically ruined his reputation. So much that the showrunners didn't really have a choice."

He stopped there, to wipe the moisture out of his eyes. "They gave it a few days, to investigate, but they're good. Really good, at lying. I think the producers had no choice."

"A little over two weeks ago, they sent an email to all of us saying that they'd fired Jace. They gave him notice. He had until he took vacation for the wedding. That night he didn't show up for our evening performance. The ensemble assumed that he'd just been getting ready for the wedding. But then they called us after the show and told us what happened."

Cole stopped there, eyes on the ground in front of him. "I should have done something. We all feel horrible about it, and we- the ensemble- just wanted you to know... we're always gonna be here for you."

Kasey exhaled, then stood up. "Thank you for telling me."

Cole stood up, too. "We loved him. We really did. We can't thank Jace enough for what he did, to try and make it better. I won't ever forget."

She just swallowed and nodded, trying to push down the anger and disgust that was rising in her chest.

"I need to go. But...  I needed to hear that."

Cole looked up at her with clear blue eyes, eyes that reminded her somehow of Jace... "I'm so, so, so sorry, Kasey."

"It's not your fault," she managed. 

She picked up her bag and pushed open the door to the cafe, almost running down the street to the theatre.

As soon as she stepped into her dressing room, she collapsed into her chair, buried her face in her hands, and cried.