worlds pass by | dear evan hansen

Chapter 16

Kasey thought she'd been nervous on her first days of Frozen and Hamilton- but right now, neither of those days could compare to what she felt as she sat in Laura's dressing room. Her dressing room, really, but she couldn't think of that room as hers yet. Everything- the role, the room, the show- didn't feel like hers.

Not yet. 

Jennifer knocked on the door just as Kasey was sliding her bracelets onto her wrist. She'd added a few of her own to the costume, not that anyone would notice. One was 

"Ready?" Jennifer asked, sitting down in the chair next to Kasey.

Kasey slipped her engagement ring off her finger and set it on the dresser, turning to Jennifer as she did so.

"Yeah," she said. "But... I feel weird, you know? Like I shouldn't be here. I feel like an impostor in Laura's shoes. A fake."

"You're not a fake. Laura knew what she was doing, passing the role on to you. You're so stunning in this role. I love you already, okay?" Jennifer told her emphatically, clasping Kasey's hands in hers. 

Kasey sighed.  "I don't want to disappoint people."

Jennifer tilted her head to the side. "You've never been in this position before."

"Is it that obvious?"

"No, not at all. I'm just more perceptive than most. I am your momma onstage, after all," Jennifer reassured her with a smile. She cleared her throat. "Let me tell you something."

"Don't ever compare yourself to Laura. Or to anyone, for that matter. You are your own person, and you got this role because they liked something in you that they hadn't seen before. Not because you're a duplicate of Laura. You're so very different from her, and that's not a bad thing. A replacement brings something new and exciting to the role. They're not there to be the original cast. So, instead of saying 'I'm never going to be like Laura', tell yourself that. Be unique. Show them another side of Zoe that they haven't seen before."

Kasey was quiet for a few seconds after Jennifer's speech. "I didn't know I needed that until now. Thank you."

"That's what moms are for."

Kasey's breath caught in her throat. She threw her arms around Jennifer's neck. Jennifer was stunned for a moment, but then she returned the hug, wrapping Kasey in her embrace.

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Laura texted right as Kasey was about to leave her dressing room to head to the stage.

Laura: you'll be great! i'm so proud of your progress and know that you'll nail it tonight :) love ya lots kase

Kasey: thanks! it's all because of you honestly. i cannot thank you enough for this.

Laura: ;)

Then, Kasey headed to the stage, to wait in the wings with Jennifer, Mike, and Michael.

Mike gave her a high-five. "Break a leg, dude," he said. "It'll be good. I'm so ready."

Kasey laughed. "Thanks."

Her mind was racing the entire first act. Everything was so new, so different. Even though she'd rehearsed for this, nothing compared to performing a show she'd only really watched from the audience. 

It was nice to wear comfortable clothes for the entire show- no more frustrating dresses or insane quick changes for Kasey. That was a plus, at least. 

There was definitely more swearing in this show. The words felt strange coming out of her own mouth- Kasey barely ever cursed. In her entire run in Frozen, she'd made sure never to say anything close to the F-bomb. Especially with Emma, Maura, Rebecca, and Lily around.

But in DEH, the cursing helped add to the layers of the show. 

Even though it was her first show, she felt oddly at home onstage. 

Perhaps even stranger, she thought that Dear Evan Hansen reflected her own life in ways that others would never be able to. 

'Requiem' went well. Kasey stuck to what she'd practiced, instead of what she was used to hearing. She'd made a conscious effort since the beginning to differentiate her style from Laura's, and even though it was hard to keep the two straight, the song fit naturally into Kasey's range. 

Instead of getting as loud as Laura had in "You were not the monster that I knew", Kasey chose to keep it quieter, more pensive. 

In that moment, she knew that she'd drawn the line for the audience. She looked out and saw the shift in some of the audience's eyes. They'd finally realized that she was not Laura, nor was she trying to imitate her. 

I will never be Laura Dreyfuss, Kasey knew. And the audience did, too. But, surprisingly, neither of them minded.