Secret Files PH

STILL THE ONE

STILL THE ONE

Let me introduce the girl who changed me in a lot of aspects. She didn't forced me in the first place tho, I changed for myself, for my family and for the better future ahead. She is Rona. Hindi siya yung tipikal na babaeng magugustuhan mo dahil sa ugali because I'm telling you, she is moody as f***. But she got this line always, "We only live once, so better give your best shot rather than being sorry at the end."

Hindi siya yung babaeng pabebe. She don't mind getting her nails dirty. She's not even into wearing those kind of cropped tops or ripped jeans. Simpleng tee-shirt, jeans or leggings lang, okay na siya. Yung ka simplehan niya, yung pagiging witty and moody niya, yung pagiging pilosopo and the way she laugh loudly yet healthy, yun yung nakaka attract sa kanya. She's carefree, she's not insecure and clingy. Siya yung babaeng mukhang suplada at maldita pero once you get to know her better, she's a certified locca. Siya yung tipo ng babae na once na lumilihis ka na ng daan mula sa tama, she'll going to nag you in a nice way. Para siyang nanay magsalita at magpayo. She'll make you realize things and without you knowing it, napapasunod ka na niya. Yes, she's that kind of girl.

That was her eight years ago when I first met her. That was her before I made her heart broken.

Hindi ko siya niligawan noon dahil gusto ko talaga siya. I was eyeing on one of her total hot chick classmate before, she's Chii. Obvious sa'ken noon na ayaw ni Chii kay Rona dahil masyado daw close sa mga kaklase nilang lalake. Kahit namang saang section, kilala si Rona. She's also smart and talented din kase and she's always at the overall ranking kahit pa nasa second section lang siya.

On the process of courting Chii, she asked me to do an impossible dare. That was to make Rona fall for me and have her heart broken. Easy piece for me. So without hesitation, I did. But unexpectedly, I was the one who fell first on my own trap. Patagal ng patagal, mas lalo akong nahuhulog. Cliche but true.

After high school graduation, I thought Chii's dare was over so I pursued courting Rona. Lumipat din naman kase ng place si Chii at ang pamilya niya so why bother anyway.

After 18 months of waiting, Rona finally became my girlfriend after the Aquaintance Party held month of February, 2011, during our freshmen year.

She as a girlfriend, was really fun 'til she decided to introduce me to her parents. Ang akala ko noon, simple lang ang pamumuhay nila. But no, I was wrong all along. She got a huge house, a car she can drive once she reach the legal age, maids who can do chores for her, a brother who's firm and strict and parents who is not always around.

Lahat ng positive vibes na meron siya ay taliwas sa aura ng bahay nila. Her house was elegant yet there's a gloomy atmosphere in there. Simula no'n nagbago na rin siya. Rona became vulnerable at times. Naging iritable at clingy siya bigla. Minsan, napapagalitan ko siya. Madalas naman okay siya, she has all this positive aura pero once na napagod na siya. She'll just kneel in front of the University Chapel and will only cry her heart out. We finished college together, still strong and fighting all those trials with hands intertwined hanggang sa nakahanap kami ng kanya kanyang trabaho.

Ako, bilang junior architect sa isang kilalang real estate company habang siya, nagttrabaho sa isang bangko habang nagrereview para tuluyan siyang maging lisensyadong accountant. We even started to live on the same roof together kahit na ayaw ng mga magulang niya no'ng una.

We're reaching our 5th year anniversary when Chii walk back in our lives, still the type of smokin' hot chick inside a bar. Nag ce-celebrate kami noong magkakatrabaho dahil sa katatapos lang na project when she approached me, telling my workmates that she's my girlfriend. So ako, nakisakay na lang, hindi ko pa naman kase nai-introduce sa kanila si Rona, so naniwala sila that Chii is really my girlfriend. Akbay, hawak sa bewang, sayaw, ganoon ko lang naman hawakan si Chii until we both got drunk, we started being intimate towards each other then.

Hindi ko alam kung paano ako nakauwi ng gabing 'yon. All I knew, I woke up with a heavy pounding on my head. Sa ganitong sitwasyon, nasanay akong si Rona ang nag aalaga sa'ken but that day, she was nowhere to be found. I thought nasa review center lang siya so I drifted back to sleep. Nagising ako ulit bandang hapon with my phone vibrating on the side table. Isa sa mga katrabaho ko na nakasama ko ng gabing iyon. Wala ako sa wisyo nang sagutin ko yung tawag niya but I suddenly get back to myself when he said; "Tang*na mo tol, kamusta na kayo ni Rona? Akala ko trip ka lang nung babaeng tingin ng tingin sa'yo sa bar kagabi, yun pala siya yung totoong girlfriend mo. Ipapahamak mo pa kaming hayop ka. Buti na lang kalmado gf mong gago ka bla bla bla.."

Hindi ko na nasundan yung sinabi niya basta ang malinaw lang, si Rona, nasa bar kagabi and possibly, she saw all the mess I did.

I kept on calling her but she's out of coverage. Halos lumabas na yung puso ko sa sobrang kaba so I decided to go out to check on possible places pero hindi ko alam kung gaano ako nakahinga ng maluwag when she entered our door. I hugged her tight, tears started to flow from my eyes. Sobrang mahal ko siya at takot akong mawala siya kaya siguro ganoon. Pero hindi pa pala tapos, she only said things na mas lalong nagpakumplikado ng sitwasyon.

Kapatid niya si Chii sa ama at sinabi na sa kanya ni Chii ang tungkol sa dare years ago. Halos gumuho ang mundo ko when she started to cry in front of me asking me those Why's.

I started explaining my side, telling her all the things she needed to know. Na dati pa yun, and I really fell hard on her during the process. Pero halos isang sampal ang marinig sa kanya yung linyang "Small things matters" at dahil sa simpleng bagay na 'yon, lahat ng alaala na pinagsaluhan naming dalawa, gumuho na lang bigla..

She started having her asthma attack, dali dali kong kinuha yung mga gamot at nebulizer niya pero mas masakit pala yung babalikan ko, her looking at the floor, with blood running down from her tighs..

I rushed her to the hospital. Mura, suntok, bugbog.. Lahat yon inabot ko sa kuya niya but I knew all of those were not enough bilang kabayaran ko sa ginawa ko sa kanya. Kahit pinapaalis nila ako, I stayed, kahit mukha akong tanga do'n at madungis dahil sa mantsa ng dugo sa damit ko, I stayed. Nanatili ako kahit na hindi nila ako pinayagang makapasok ng kwarto niya. I want to be there until she wakes up kahit pa na nasa labas lang ako ng kwarto niya. Pero mas marami pa pala akong lulunukin na salita at katotohanan.

Na matagal na pala nilang pinapaiwas si Rona sa'ken magmula noong pinakilala nila ako sa kanila. That I am nothing but a douchebag. Masakit tanggapin. Kaya siguro naging vulnerable siya magmula noon ay dahil madalas siyang papiliin kung ako ba o sila, kaya siguro hindi na naulit na magpakita ako, kami sa kanila. Kase habang ako, napipikon sa pagiging moody niya, siya, ipinaglalaban yung relasyon namin sa pamilya niya ng siya lang mag isa.

That day, I lost those important gems in my life while letting a stone stand as a gem for a while.

Nakunan si Rona and days after that, she broke up with me.

Masakit mang tanggapin but I learned my lesson in the most painful way. I tried reaching out on her, pero habang lumalapit ako ng isang hakbang, lumalayo naman siya ng dalawang hakbang.

It's hard knowing that I was the one who made her smile into frown. Na kung paano siya noon ay ibang iba na ngayon. Kung paano ko pinagsisisihan ang lahat dahil sa isabg pagkakamali.

Baby, it's funny how you took life challenges eight years ago as a math formula that only needed a simple solution and it's devastating that what happened years ago can't find any formula to get a perfect solution that lead us into parting ways. Masakit. Sobra. And I just can't imagine how painful it was for you. Ang daming tumatakbong what if's.. Paano kung ganito, paano kung ganyan and I just ended up being sorry for being a total jerk.

Sana, isang araw, God will make a way for our paths will meet again bacause baby, I am really missing you so bad.

Kaka-stalk ko sa'yo using different accounts, nakita kong nag share ka ng mga post ng page na 'to ng ilang beses. And I don't mind getting blocked again. Hinding hindi ako mapapagod gumawa ng paraan para pangitiin ka ulit gaya ng hindi mo pagsuko sa paglaban ng relasyon natin noon sa mga pamilya mo nang ikaw lang nag iisa.

Second chance. That is what only I needed from you, 'By.

JannCarlo
2014
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