Moving In || l.r.h

• 22 •

On the Friday I decided to go to school before things started to look funny. If I had stayed off rumors would have definitely spread and I would've been the center of attention - Milly's attention - and that was the opposite of what I wanted. All I wanted was to melt into the crowd and be ignored like how it used to happen.

When I got back from the shops with Calum, Kaela was gone but there was a a note on the side saying I wasn't getting away with this and that she had taken my blades over night so I couldn't hurt myself again, which I almost thanked her for. I went to sleep early that night to try and clear my head, not that it worked.

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"Hollie!" I heard Luke call from behind me. I debated turning around and falling into his strong grip that I seemed to depend on like it was a drug I was trying to give up. Even though I had never properly started it.

But I couldn't face him today. Not after what happened. I would break down if I even looked at him, I knew it. So I carried on walking, faster than before towards the girls toilets. I rushed in and collapsed on the door. Why did I think today would be okay? Of course it wasn't. Luke was always there, waiting. You try to avoid him but you end up walking straight into him. It just didn't make sense.

I waited until the bell rang before I left to go to my lesson, knowing Luke would've left to get there on time.

I rushed into the classroom, untucking my hair from my ear so it covered my face as I looked at my feet. Surprisingly the teacher didn't call me out for being late and I thanked whatever god was looking out for me at that moment in time. I shrugged my hair over my shoulders and made it so no one could see me unless the were right in front of me looking at my face.

I sunk into my seat and played with my thumbs the entire lesson, making sure my hoody didn't roll up and reveal what had happened that night. Being invisible was a lot easier when teachers knew that you weren't feeling good. See with teachers I was usually cocky and talkative, most of them knew about my problems because my bitch of a mum had spilled one day at a meeting. I hated her for it but at the same time it helped me out, when I seriously wasn't in the mood.

Sadly the students weren't like the teachers. They either stared me down as I walked into the class or, the really brave ones, would ask me where I had been for the two days. I would answer with the same answer I always did. I was sick. They didn't need to know the details. They didn't care.

Kaela was waiting for me in the lunch room on our normal table. Apart from it had the three boys on it that I was trying to avoid. I looked at her and she knew what I was thinking - no way, no way are you talking to me with them there.

She gave me an apologetic look and I knew, unless they left, I wouldn't have to say anything. I instinctively pulled my long sleeved black batman jumper over my wrists further so it went over my hands and I could play with it.

"Hey," Michael said, unusually chirpy. Calum was looking at me like I was some sick puppy he had to care for and I regretted asking anyone to help me to the shops but I knew I needed it. As I carried on the unspoken conversation with Calum about if I was okay, I felt another pair of eyes on me when I sat down next to Kaela.

I broke the eye contact with Calum, giving him an 'I'm sorry for everything look' and he shrugged, smiling weakly to let me know it was okay. But I knew it wasn't.

Luke's eyes were on me. I looked at him and his eyes instantly searched mine for some kind of explanation, or give away or something, to see if I had changed my mind and wanted him to - if he even wanted me anymore - but I wouldn't give anything away. I couldn't. Because the truth was, I didn't know if I wanted Luke, in any way. For so long now I had been dead set on hating him but now... Now I wasn't sure, that scared the shit out of me. But as soon as I thought of Luke like that the thought of Ashton flooded me and I got a pain right through my chest making me jolt forward.