Moving In || l.r.h

• 8 •

"I can't go out tonight, sorry Kae I'm busy," I said, as she walked over to me from across the parking lot.

"What why not?" She asked. It was a Wednesday night and we had planned to stay at hers for the night, we both didn't have to go into school until slightly later tomorrow, so we were going to out to the only bar in town that let us drink.

"Ashton wants to come over for the night," I said. She new about the kiss with Ashton and that I thought of him as more than a friend, but she didn't know what we were but that was because I didn't even know what we were.

That night, at his, I had fallen asleep in his arms and woke up in an unknown bed. It turned out to be Ashton's. He had carried me up and then slept on the sofa himself.

"Can't he come out with us?" she whined.

"I don't know babe, I'll text him now," I said shrugging. I got out my phone and tapped away at the screen as the text formed.

"Are you working after school?" she asked. Recently I had been doing a lot more shifts because a member of staff has gone on maternity leave so I have to cover for her.

"I don't think so. I can come round to yours first if Ashton can't come out?" I asked. She nodded, happy with the compromise and we walked into school hand in hand.

"How are you today?" she asked me once we were inside and in the middle of the noise.

"I'm fine," I replied quickly.

"Just fine? Hollie, we haven't talked about it in a while and I'm worried about you, just because we don't bring it up doesn't mean it doesn't happen," she said looking at me with sad eyes. I hated that look, purely because I couldn't bear the thought of making my best friend sad because of my problems. 

"I haven't brought it up because recently I've been okay with everything," I assured her but neither of us fully believed me.

"When was the last time?" She asked.

"Sunday..." I mumbled looking at the floor and twiddling my thumbs like they were the most interesting thing ever. I didn't want to look her in the eyes, if I did I would break.

"Hollie-"

"Hey!" Calum walked over and slung his arms around both of us. Of course they had to ruin it, I was glad I didn't have to talk about it now but I was angry that he had interrupted in the first place. I scoffed and stormed away from them all, blinking back the tears that were threatening to spill over.

I heard Kaela shout at him before running after me. She tried to grab my arm, but I sped up and walked into the class before she could get to me.

I didn't sit in my normal place for English because I couldn't be next to Kaela and Luke, my mind would explode. So instead I found another space at the side in the middle, as someone was ill and sat down, immediately burying my head in my hands.

The lesson dragged on forever and I felt eyes on me the whole time. They were practically burning holes through my back. But whenever I turned around there was no one watching me. Once,  I had caught Luke looking but that's it. It felt like everyone's eyes were on me but they weren't. I felt like a freak show everyone laughed at. I needed to get out.

I stood up and ran out of the class with my bag trailing behind me, knocking against my chunky thighs. I didn't care when I heard the teacher yelling at me to come back and stopping Kaela from running after me; I just had to get as far away from people as I could, while staying on the school grounds.

After about five minutes of running, I found an empty room that looked like an abandoned storage room. There was nothing but darkness inside and a lock on the door. I slammed the door shut and locked it before leaning against the wall and sinking down. I needed to snap myself out of this. I thought I was getting better, everyone thought I was getting better, but as soon as I was alone, I went into meltdown mode.

Time flew past as I just sat in there and cried silently. No one found me and I didn't want them to. I wanted to be alone. To be able to think things through without people taking pity on me and thinking they knew how I felt. No one knew how I felt and I didn't need a load of people I didn't like thinking they can help out a 'lost soul' to gain some sort of pride. It had happened before and I hated every second of it. As soon as you stand up, smile and say you're fine they piss off and forget all about you again. It was pointless and fake, and I hated fake people more than I hated normal people.

After I heard the third bell ring I decided that I should probably go and see Kaela, she would be going out of her mind.

I stood up and made the decision to go to the toilets before anything else. I unlocked the door and slowly slipped out, yet again unnoticed. I made my way to the toilets without being caught.

That's when I saw my phone flashing in my bag. I pulled it out, untangled it from the headphones and saw 40 missed calls from Kaela and 15 from Ashton a long with about 100 texts. I read the ones from Ashton first and gulped as I opened them. Kaela had obviously rung him because his texts were worried and they contained too many mistakes to be normal. I put my phone back in my bag and looked at my distraught appearance. i applied the concealer I had with me, in my bad, as well as my mascara and looked once again.

My hair was matted so I brushed through it with my fingers before smiling at my reflection and walking out into the empty corridor. I didn't even know where I was in the school for a moment. I looked around and noticed I was near the math rooms. Checking my timetable I realized that I had history and would have to brave walking to the other side of the school, trying not to get caught.

"Aren't you supposed to be in lessons?" I heard someone ask from behind me. I jumped and turned around stuttering.

"I just went to the toilet, I'm heading back now," I said, not looking into the teachers eyes.

"Okay well hurry up, we wouldn't want you to miss anything important," she said. I nodded still looking at the floor and hurried off out of sight.

Outside of history I could hear people getting yelled at. It was almost the end of the lesson and I debated even going in, but then the teacher saw me from outside and called me in.

"Sit down." Was all he said. Nothing about me being late, nothing about how much trouble I was going to get in. Just sit down. I nodded and walked to my seat, my eyes still glued to my hands so I didn't have to see everybody watching me.

Luckily Kaela wasn't in this class, I would have to face her on my own, but Luke was. I sighed when he lent over to speak to me.

"Where have you been?" he asked sounding genuinely concerned, not that he could actually be considerate.

"Why did you miss me?" I asked turning to look at him. He looked stressed, like he had been worried and I wondered what had happened, maybe his mum was ill.

"No... We-Kaela was just going out of her mind," He thought I didn't hear his slip up but I did. Did that mean he was worried about me going missing? He didn't even know why I had gone, I was only gone for three lessons, it's not like he even noticed I was gone. But when I looked back at him he looked perfectly normal like nothing had happened at all, no worry in his face or concern in his eyes, just the normal blunt blue eyed Luke. I sighed, I didn't know why I did but I almost wanted Luke to care. But of course he didn't.

"What are you looking at?" I heard him ask, smirking slightly.

"Oh there's this freak sitting next to me," I replied sarcastically.

"Oh is that right?" He asked turning to look at me with a smile on his face. That's when I remembered this was Luke. I turned away quickly and got focused on the last five minutes of peace I had before all hell started at lunch with Kaela. It sure wasn't going to make things better, I just couldn't take everything going on. I never could and recently I had even trying my best. That was what I was going to tell Kaela, that was the truth. I just hoped she left it at that before word got out.

A/N: So I thought I'd finally show you the weaker side of Hollie, what did you think?