The thing was, I didn't really really how it had happened, somehow I found myself walking the familiar back path that led to the bench overlooking the whole city. I needed to be reminded how small everything was, how small I was. It had always comforted me and I couldn't think of a time I needed more comforting than that moment.
My insides were stirring and my heart constantly skipping beats made me sweaty and nervous.
The cool wood of the bench welcomed me like home. I knew that my bare legs would react to the mould that inhabited patches of the bench but it was a small price to pay to the relaxation that was swarming towards me. My eyes fluttered down to where my thighs were squashed together and the twinge in my stomach returned. No matter how hard I tried somehow thin legs never came my way, I sighed.
The past few days had been tough but today was the worst. The hospital, oblivious to the disturbing family feud that had happened a few days previous, still had me as the emergency contact and phoned up to inform me that again Steven's condition had worsened, leaving him bed-ridden and refusing any treatment, claiming it 'would just prolong his pain and they should treat him with some whiskey that would actually work'.
Just the image of those words coming out of his dying mouth made me feel sick. How could he, still, be so obnoxious. The selfishness inside myself wrenched and begged me to scream at the top of my voice and after a while I could no longer resist and I allowed my body to cooperate with the subconscious request.
As the relief that swallowed me and my eyes closed, I felt a foreign presence surround me. Immediately I snapped out of my trance and whipped around, almost instantly wishing I hadn't.
He stood there, hands in his pockets, eyes petrified and gleaming with tears. My heart ached at his appearance and no urge had ever consumed me as much as the current one did to reach out and comfort him. Before I could, the memories of what happened just a few days previous, whilst I was in a state much like this fragile one, flooded my head. The hurt, heartbreak. Fear. His racing and cold blue eyes pierced the back of my own and the image clouded the one of the vulnerable boy in front of me. Once again my instincts begged me to scream but this time I would not give in, would not let him show the aching he caused me. The sudden movement I had completed strained me immediately.
He waited, I stayed poised and silence spread, as if the town below knew what was happening.
Neither of us said a word, I watched him as he scanned me up and down, searching for any sign of weakness or damage. The screen that had been put up in my mind shattered as the brokenness of the boy in front of me watched over me and I let myself relax the muscles that had tightened when I saw him. Slowly, I turned back around and watched out over the town below me once more, without saying a word.
I heard the fallen leaves rustle behind me and didn't protest. The bench whined underneath me as the additional weight was added on top but I knew it would not give way, it would comfortably bend to accommodate the new presence and myself.
Once again I did not flinch but carried on staring out into the falling sun. The sky was beginning to turn a dark purple that faded into blue closest to the stark white clouds. My energy seemed to have drained into the ground below me, powering the beautiful sunset in front of me; as my body weakened I felt myself lean into the strong, powerful being next to me, letting him take my weight completely and support me. I no longer wanted to fight or resist. I no longer felt I could, I just wanted to be supported and comforted and the body next to me was providing just that, perfect and complete relief; relief I hadn't felt in days and stress I had been holding in since I had left him.
Neither of us said a word, we didn't need to. His heat radiated into me warming me inside and out. We were having a silent conversation, he understood what I was going through and I accepted what had happened to him. I understood. But he also understood it couldn't happen again. If anyone was near by they would've thought that we were just sat in silence with nothing happening but all of this was going back and forth between us and when Luke relaxed next to me after feeling me nuzzle into his I knew we were okay again.
"Hollie," he murmured, breaking the silence for the first time. I hummed into his shoulder signalling my response. "I'm-"
"Don't Luke, don't apologise; I know and I forgive you, I didn't help I know that but can we please just-"
"Let me finish please, I just need to get this out." I waited for a moment and nodded my confirmation that I wouldn't interrupt. "I'm sorry, I know you don't care but I do. We had the perfect evening, you looked perfect, you were perfect, the meal was amazing and for a moment we were happy. I even saw you glare at that waitress because she looked at me too long and I couldn't help but feel enormously overwhelmed with emotion. But then that phone call came and fucked everything up. It wasn't you at all, of course you're more comfortable with Ashton because he is a friend. It's just I felt so disappointed because I just expected us to be at that point because I forget we haven't been together longer than 2 months. I got nervous because I have never done this before and I don't know what to do or say or anything. I'm in completely foreign waters, all I know is I just don't want to go through another day like the past few." His voice cracked multiple times but his tone stayed calm and collected, as if he had been dying to say this and repeated it over and over in his head.
I took his hand in mine and I felt my fingers slide in between his perfectly, his thumb laying on top of mine and occasionally rubbing circles.
Finally, after maybe an hour or so, Luke stood up, his hand not leaving mine, and waited in front of me, outstretching my arm. His eyes were pleading.
"Don't go home tonight, don't do that to yourself, please," he said. I saw a flicker of uncertainty cross his face as I paused but I couldn't find a fault in his request. I didn't want to be alone, I wanted to be comforted and I wanted to be with Luke. I nodded once more and stood so I was only inches away from him, his breath sending waves over my hair which was getting lighter from the shampoo and sunlight mixed. "Did you walk here?" There was only one car in the car park we entered and the question sounded more like a suggestion. But my voice failed me. I couldn't find it in myself to find it. I was still drained in every way. Maybe walking here was the reason why I was so drained and I hadn't realised. I shrugged and Luke pulled me into himself before opening my door for me. "I know it's probably the shittiest thing to say but it's going to get better okay? I know it will because I know you and I know how strong you are and bloody stubborn too so please, please trust me?" I knew it wasn't meant to be a question but he couldn't help it.
I looked up into his eyes finally and saw them searching every inch of my own for any kind of confirmation or reassurance. I tugged the left corner of my mouth up briefly and it seemed enough for him. He pivoted to the right and pulled the door with him, leaving it open for me to slide in and clip my belt over my heavy chest; it pressed down on me hard, almost suffocating.
The trip home took no time at all and soon enough Luke was undoing my belt and slowly manoeuvring me out of his car, carrying me like a doll and resting my feet down gently to the floor. If it had been any other day I would have pushed the help away and considered it almost offending but today, not one part of me wanted to resist, I just wanted to curl up in Luke's unbelievably comfy bed and never move again.
I was on the brink of tears and I knew it, as Luke accompanied me up the stairs and we received some looks from Michael who was watching some bad programme with Calum. Their questioned and concerned looks did nothing but make me feel worse, remind me of everything that had been said on the phone; everything I wanted to forget.
The bed felt like home, not the home that contained pain and reminders but that home feeling that you feel after being away on holiday or anywhere and you're glad to be back in something familiar, something warm and inviting rather than cold, cream and nauseating.
A.N: I know nothing happened in this chapter much but I thought we needed some character development between the two. It's nearing the end of everything now, i'd say not much more than 10 chapters left so thank you for sticking with me
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Moving In || l.r.h
Fanfiction'Luke, I'm too broken to fix.' 'That doesn't mean I'm not going to try.' The last thing anyone expected was what happened next. When they start moving in, will it make or break her? a.u.
