The Frat Boy || S.M.

Chapter 46 || "All About Me"

My voice cracks as I ask Xavier if I can come in. This gets his attention, waking him up a little. He nods, moving to the side for me to step in.

"Sorry, I'll put a shirt on." Xavier says, grabbing a t-shirt off of his floor. "My roommate, Jacob, sneaks into his girlfriends room on the weekends, so you don't have to worry about him being here. It's just us." he explains as I walk past him. I just nod, afraid that if I attempt to speak, I'll start crying uncontrollably again. "Do you want clothes to change into?"

"Yes please." I say quietly, my voice barely above a whisper. Xavier nods, grabbing a t-shirt, hoodie, and sweats for me to put on. He hands them to me, and I thank him.

"I know you get cold easily, so I gave you the sweatshirt just in case." he says. I smile weakly and nod, the sadness overwhelming me even more.

Xavier is so sweet; so thoughtful. I don't deserve him in any sense of the word.

I stand up, and without being told, Xavier turns his back to me so that I can get changed. I lift my tube top off and unclip my bra, watching as they fall to the ground. I grab Xavier's t-shirt, recognizing it as the one he always used to wear when we would hang out on rainy days. It was always slightly big on him, but on me, it engulfs my body down to the top of my thighs.

I step out of my jeans and into the sweats, pulling them up. I use the strings to tighten them around my waist, stopping them from falling down. Lastly, I take the hoodie he gave me and lift it over my head and pull it down, immediately feeling warm and secure with it on. I smile a little.

"I'm done." I say quietly, and he turns back around. I pick my clothes up off the ground and fold them, tucking them into my bag. I walk over and sit down next to Xavier on his bed, resting my head on his shoulder. "Xavier, I fucked up big time tonight."

"No offense Helaina, but I've known you for over a year now, and you always seem to be screwing something up." he jokes. "It's part of your charm."

"No Xav, you don't understand." I begin, feeling tears weld up in my eyes. I don't bother to push them away. "This is different from all of the other times before. I managed to fuck over two people who care about me while not even taking their feelings into consideration. I'm so fucking selfish and I'm sick of always being a fuck-up."

I'm crying now, my tears streaming down my face rapidly. I don't wipe them away, knowing that if I do, I'll get eyeliner in my eye and just continue to add to the pain.

"You're not a fuck-up." he says, going to wrap his arms around me and pull me into a hug. I jump up before he has the chance, shaking my head as I cry harder.

"Yes I am! I came here, which is just going to make everything worse! Shawn was already pissed off at me because of you, and what do I go and do? Come to your room at night, which will just make him even more angry!" I sob.

I'm crying so hard now that it's becoming difficult for me to breath. I'm starting to hyperventilate. Xavier notices and rushes over to me, helping me sit down on his roommates bed.

"You can hug me, Helaina. If Shawn cares about you, he would want you to feel better even if it's me you're hugging." Xavier says, and I nod. He's right.

I wrap my arms around Xavier, resting my head on his shoulder as I cry. He just sits there, holding onto me, quite literally giving me a shoulder to cry on. Xavier gently rubs my back until I start to calm down after ten minutes of consecutive sobbing.

"I'm so sorry." I whisper into his chest.

"For what?"

"For wasting your time by dating you."