Zoo // Louis Tomlinson

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Unedited            

I apologize in advance.

Louis’ POV

           

            Everyone always says they want to be famous, they want to be recognized everywhere they go and have their faces printed on glue sticks for Primary school kids. They want to be adored by the media and followed by a camera so they can build an empire like the Kardashian’s, or perhaps play in sold out shows at Madison Square Garden. Everyone has that dream and there is no point in denying it, because at one point in my life it was my absolute goal. I believed that I would hit the big times and fix everything. Suddenly my mum wouldn’t be struggling as a single parent going through a divorce. My sisters would be happy and know of everything I’d done solely because I wanted them to be better than I was.

            I was wrong though. Being famous or whatever the hell you wanted to call it was only rewarding for so long, and in short doses, because it wouldn’t help me fix any of my problems. I would still be constantly under fire because I simply wasn’t as good as the other boys, I would always be recognized as the boy who’s father left him, and I would never just be loved because I was Louis and not Louis Tomlinson.

            I believed all of those things for so long, that even now I couldn’t just break out of them to make an exception, but I felt as though something in my heart had changed in these past two months. That maybe someone was looking at me, and calling me out on my crazy, but enjoying it just the same.

            Lydia had never heard me sing, she’d never asked me to sing, and to be honest, I think she forgot about my life until we were right in the thick of it.

            I had done everything I was capable of to try to dilute my life so she would perhaps stay just a little bit longer. I just didn’t think it was working though.

            She’d been distant since we’d returned, all smiles and laugh until the next day when she woke up to the wild screams of paps around her complex. Fans were coming to the Zoo now for her, and hunting her down until I went to grab our lunches by myself.

            There was something absolutely wrong with the situation, something I couldn’t fix and as my phone rang, I knew this was going to break me in half.

            “Hello love.” I answered with a voice as slow as Harry’s, tucking my hands into my jean pockets and leaning against the wall of the slide room. She was supposed to have been here half an hour ago, and I knew she didn’t have classes today, so naturally I was worried.

            “I yelled at him, Louis.” Her voice was hurried and high pitched, like she was running as fast as she could for the sake of her own sanity.

            “Yelled at who?” I gritted my teeth, standing up straighter as I heard the background noises of shouting people mixed with the sounds of flashing cameras.

            “I don’t know who he was, he asked me if you were using me and I lost it.” She sounded on the verge of tears, the slamming of something frightening me as it came from her end of the phone.

            “Lydia, babe, calm down ok? Do you want me to come with Markus and Victor? We’ll come get you.” I tried to calm down, but it wasn’t reflecting well. I was so scared of what was to come after this, the life she believed she could handle, and I knew that she would grow sick of it much faster than anyone else. Lydia was her own person, she lived free and wouldn’t be held back, and I was holding her back even now.