American Woman: Book 4

Chapter 45

"Don't either one of you come near me." I warn. "I'm going to LA. Maybe I'll stay. Maybe I'll go somewhere with our girls. Maybe I won't even make it there. Wouldn't you both love that?!"
"Jensen, please don't say anything more. You are getting into territory where I'm going to have to involuntarily commit you." Laura orders.
"You'll commit me?! Me?! Where were you when he was trying to murder me?!" I exclaim, pointing my finger at Prince, who looks down in shame. "Who do I contact to report you? You suck at your job!!!"
"Please don't commit her, Laura." Prince begs. "This is all my fault. She wouldn't be doing or saying these things if I hadn't drove her to it..."
"Prince it doesn't work exactly like that. Yes this situation hasn't helped, but she has a chemical imbalance..."
"Why are you two talking like I'm not right here?! Stupid idiots! Do it! Commit me! I'll sue your ass..."
"Jensen, stop. Please just stop talking." Prince pleads. "Laura, please just let me be alone with Jensen."
She sighs and walks out of the room. "Momma, it's ok. I won't let her take you anywhere. If nobody committed or arrested me and you made sure of that, I'm going to do the same for you. But baby just like I needed help. So do you..."
"Fuck you! There's nothing wrong with me other than I'm stressed about you and our daughters..."
"When's the last time you've slept or ate?" Prince asked. "What do you think has been going on the last couple weeks?"
"What do you mean? I've been babysitting you!" I growl.
"No, you haven't. Baby sit down. We need to talk." He urges me and pulls me towards the couch. I reluctantly plop down. "Jensen, something is really off in your mind and it has been for awhile..."
"No..."
"Please hear me out. The more I've talked with Laura and we both have talked to Lenny, we have realized some things. A lot of things you thought has happened recently haven't happened. For starters, you and Lenny didn't do anything sexual together before you came back here..."
I laugh "oh god! I guess he doesn't want to admit it to you...."
"No Jensen. It just flat out didn't happen."
Prince corrects me.
"Ok fine. Maybe I dreamed it! I was so overwhelmed with worry at the time bc of you! So great! Now you have nothing to get over." I roll my eyes.
"Yes, you were very overwhelmed. I know I am the cause of that. I'm so sorry. You've been spiraling for awhile I think baby. Me and you at the same time basically. Lenny was worried that the girls had been neglected. He said they looked a little malnourished and unclean when he got there...."
"Bull shit! Fuck him! I hate him!" I shriek.
"You know he wouldn't lie about that. He's worried about you too. He said he wanted to send you back and hopefully get you some help. He called me before you arrived and started telling me he had the kids and was worried." Prince explained. "Then once you got here, yeah we started fighting and arguing I do know that. But I swear to God I didn't lay a hand on you or rape you. I didn't go off and take meth and all those things you were saying. I actually had weaned myself entirely off drugs by that point. We were arguing about the girls and then you ran upstairs and called Lenny saying I raped you and tried to kill you. But baby we think those bruises and scratches were self inflicted. I think you did it while you were locked in the bedroom. You had blood under your fingernails, not me. The next day, everyone was having doubts about your story bc of that and Mark said he thought the bruises look self inflicted but he also knew I had a drug problem so he didn't know what to believe. Lenny said he could hear me at the door begging for you to let me in but not threatening you...."
"He told me to come back!" I argued.
"He didn't know what to think at the time. You were claiming rape and attempted murder. But I didn't baby. I never hurt you. I had a drug problem, yes. But all this other stuff hasn't happened. You've lost touch with reality. You tell me you call and talk to Lenny and the girls everyday but he says he hasn't heard from you since that night you arrived back here. You don't sleep at night. You talk to things that aren't there..."
"No! You did that!"
No, I didn't. I'm not saying I don't have my own issues, I do. But I'm working really hard. I want my family back together. And I'm worried sick about you and sometimes bc of that all I want to do is pop a pill and let it take my mind off it for awhile. But I haven't. And I won't. I've got to be the strong one now...."
"No, I'm supposed to be helping you. You are in no shape to..."
"We will have each other's backs. And we have lots of people rooting for us baby. Please, let us help you."
"But what about the girls? Laura doesn't think Lenny should have them..."
"When did she say that?" He asked, surprised.
"Today! That's why I went off! She was saying..."
"Can we call her in here and ask what really happened?" He suggested.
"I know what happened!" I defended myself.
"Momma, look at me." He says, lifting my chin with his finger. "I know it's scary. There were times I didn't know what had been said or done either. You have to trust what other people say really was said and done. Not what your mind may tell you. Your mind is sick baby. Just like mine was on drugs. Just trust me. I won't let anything happen to you. You are safe here with me." He kisses my forehead and pulls me into a tight hug. He stands up to go retrieve Laura as I sit reeling.
Laura and Prince return and she begins telling me that we were talking about the last time I had talked to Lenny and the girls and when I said today she questioned it and then I had a meltdown. "I just don't even know what's real and what's not? What's happened since I've been here? What happened while I was in LA?"
"We are still trying to piece a lot of it together." Laura explains. "What we know and feel so far is you started having postpartum symptoms not long after Waverley was born, but very mild at first, and really overshadowed by Prince's problem. You got worse around the point you ran off with the girls...."
"I had to!!! Prince was talking to a drug dealer on the phone..."
"There was never a drug dealer baby. I was only taking the leftover pain pills from Shawn and your Percocet but only sporadically. I was really trying to stop. So you left Christmas night and the next day I called Laura and Brother Gibson for help. But nobody could get ahold of you. So after a few days I went to LA looking for you, but I couldn't find you at any of your families' houses or our LA house. I thought about Lenny's house, but I called him and he said he hadn't heard from you...."
"No! I called and asked him if I could stay at his house! And I called Laura and Brother Nelson about you. And you told your employees to not talk to me or they'd be fired!" I cried.
Prince looked at Laura for help. "Jensen, nobody received phone calls from you. We assume you let yourself in Lenny's house and stayed there without his consent. Prince searched for you and the girls for days in LA. He was distraught when he got back and thought you might have left the country or something. And he definitely didn't tell people to not talk to you. He was desperate to hear word from you and was hoping you would reach out to someone so he would at least know you and the girls were safe. But he didn't want to involve the police and get it out in the media. He was hoping you would show up and you did. Thankfully Lenny convinced you to come back."
"So Lenny just comes back and finds me and the girls staying in his house and he had no idea?!"
"Yes." Prince replied. "He said when he got home the night of the Grammys, he walked into the house and heard both girls crying and of course he freaked bc he had no idea you were there. So he checked on the girls and Waverley was dirty and acting like she was starving and Devon was locked in another bedroom and crying bc she needed to pee. He said they looked like they hadn't been bathed in awhile and Devon said she was hungry." Prince swallowed a lump in his throat. "So he cleaned them up and fed them and went to find you in the bedroom asleep. You woke up and started saying how I had a drug problem and a dealer and you had to leave with the girls. He was scared after what he saw with the girls and so he said he played along and told you to come back and help me."
"Oh my god." I sob into my hands. "I could have killed them."
"Jensen, we know you would never intentionally neglect or harm your children.  Lenny arriving when he did was a huge blessing. We've been monitoring you closely since you've been back. You came up with some fantasy of Prince attacking you and that he almost died and you saved his life. You have been having delusions and talking to illusions and hearing things. You thought you had Prince's cell phone and were listening to voicemails from his drug dealer. You think you talk to Lenny and Devon on the phone everyday."
"I'm so confused." I cry.
"I know you are baby." Prince says, rubbing my arms up and down. "We can try to help you make sense of things. What do you want to know?"
"So you were on drugs, right?" I ask.
"Yes. I got hooked on pain pills. That's all true. And I got some from Shawn and stole your Percocet. But after you confronted me, I truly did start cutting back. I should have gotten help, but I was making progress. Then you found the stash in the closet and lost it. Then said you heard me on the phone with a drug dealer and took the girls. I was distraught without y'all. I did everything in my power to find you and the girls. I didn't go to the Grammys bc I didn't want people to find out y'all were missing. Getting that call from Lenny both broke my heart and made me so relieved at the same time."
"But when I came back, you looked awful..."
"I'm sure I did! My wife and daughters had been missing for almost two months. I couldn't sleep or eat. I was just about to breakdown and get the police involved when Lenny called." Prince explained. "It wasn't bc of drugs. I've been off those for weeks now."
"So you didn't rape me?"
"Absolutely not. We haven't had sex since Christmas."
"You didn't lay your hands on me?"
"Never. I chased after you when you ran upstairs and maybe tried to pull you back, but nothing like you thought. Never choked you or said I was going to kill you or anything like that. I would never hurt you momma."
"You didn't overdose in the dining room?"
"No baby. I haven't taken a pill in weeks, much less overdosed."
"In Milwaukee?"
"Yes, I really did overdose there."
"So Dr. Curren...."
"Momma, nobody knows who this Dr. Curren is. We don't think he exists." Prince calmly explains. "I think he was someone that was helping me get off drugs, right?"
"Yes. He was helping wean you...."
"He's not real. I got myself off. And I plan to have hip surgery as soon as we get our life back in order." He assures me. "Can we do that please baby? I can't bring the girls back here until you are healthy. You can't help rehabilitate me until your healthy. We need each other baby. Please."