American Woman: Book 4

Chapter 27

Coming back home wasn't what I had envisioned. The last few weeks I was pregnant with Devon, Prince and I busied ourselves with finishing her nursery, installing car seats, and everything else that comes along with anticipation of a new arrival. Here I am at 36 weeks, and we've been off tour for over three weeks and nothing has been accomplished. Granted I know this is our second child and I guess it's normal to not be as thorough as you are when it's the first one. But at this point the poor child has the one coming home outfit that Prince picked out weeks ago and that's about it. We haven't even figured out if we are getting her a new crib or getting Devon a big girl bed and letting Waverly use the crib. No spare room has been turned into a nursery for her. None of Devon's old car seat carriers have been reinstalled for Waverly to use. Even the cradle hasn't been brought in from storage. And you can forget about a middle name.
Prince just doesn't seem interested in doing any of it or even having a discussion about doing any of it. Maybe he has forgotten that I had Devon at 38 and a half weeks. If I have this baby early we could possibly only have a couple weeks left. I was majorly stressed out and upset as his apparent detachment from reality that I was finally at a breaking point one afternoon as I came into the living room after putting Devon down for a nap to see Prince crashed in a recliner with the tv blaring. I grabbed the remote off his chest and turned it off. He immediately jerked up "hey I was watching that?"
"Oh really? What was on?" I tested him.
"A show. I was watching it."
"You were sleeping. What else is new!" I blurt out.
"What the hell does that mean?"
"It means all you've done for weeks is lay around and sleep. Do you realize I'm about to have our baby? She could literally come any day..."
"And so what if she does? We've done this all before. We got it. And I'm sorry that I need some down time after being on a major tour for six months. You don't realize what that takes out of a person. You could show me a little sympathy instead of being a pain in the ass." He responds, reaching for the remote.
I pull it away and sigh. "I understand you're tired. I'm tired too. And I think we do need to rest some before she comes bc we will be even more exhausted once she's here. But babe she has nothing. No place to sleep, no seat in any car, not even a middle name. We can't just sit around and think it will all fall into place without a little effort. If I didn't know any better, I would think you don't even want this baby." I accuse.
"How dare you?! Just bc I haven't hopped around here doing all the little duties you want done means I don't want her?! Of course I want her. But I also know a baby can survive without all the frills and thrills. I'll have the cradle brought in today and I'll put in a car seat by tomorrow. She doesn't need anything else. She can wear Devon's old clothes and use her old bottles. I'll pick up some diapers next time I'm out. She doesn't need anything else for awhile." He explains.
"So she doesn't even get a room? What happened to not wanting her to have all hand me downs? This isn't fair to her. I understand not having to go all out on cutesy stuff, but she deserves her own bedroom and some of her own clothes and toys. If she is wanted then it should feel like it. Plus this could be our last baby. I want to enjoy all the little moments, even preparing for her."
"She won't be our last. Honey I'm not stopping you from doing whatever you want. You want to go decorate a bedroom, then get after it." He replies.
"I want to do it with you. I want it to be like before Devon was born. When you wanted to be apart of every decision and the whole process. I've never seen you so hands off. This is the one time I want you to be a little more controlling." I explain.
"Ok, but not today. We will start tomorrow. I'm tired. I just want to lay here and watch tv and rest my body and mind."
"What's it need that much rest for? It's not like you are using it for much of anything these days." I mutter before I could stop myself.
"Excuse me?! What does that mean? Ok yeah I've been lazy. I told you I'd help you tomorrow. Lay off me!" He grows agitated.
Knowing I should stop but my mouth and emotions wouldn't let me, I blurt out "I'm talking about sex! We won't ever have another child when you can't even get hard, much less finish!"
"What the fuck are you talking about?! We've had sex plenty of times lately! Haven't heard you complain!" He stands up angrily. "But if you aren't satisfied momma, then come on let it out. Tell me what you feel. How I'm not pleasing you anymore. I can take it."
"I didn't say that..."
"No, you just accused me of not being able to get it up!"
"You can't! Haven't been able to for weeks. Since before the tour was over! I haven't told you bc I didn't want to hurt your feelings and I thought it was a fluke. But it's happened every time. Guess it's time for Viagra..."
"Fuck you! I don't need that shit!!! Maybe you just aren't getting the job done..."
"You wouldn't even know! You think you finish apparently! I swear it's just like when Lenny was high and drunk and could never perform! I don't get it!" I ponder aloud.
Prince's eyes grow wide, almost as if he had come to a realization of some sort. "I don't know baby. I guess I'm just getting old. I'm sorry I can't satisfy you. Maybe you need to find someone younger..."
"Prince stop. You know I don't want that. I want you. I didn't want to have this conversation in this way. Not in anger. I wanted to approach it with love and understanding. I just didn't know how. And then when I get angry I let things out that I've kept bottled up. I'm here for you. I'll go with you to the doctor..."
"I'm not going to the damn doctor about it. I can fix it on my own. My body is just drained. Give me some time, ok? This may be good timing. You and I won't be able to have sex for awhile after the baby comes anyway." He chuckles.
"So you're saying you don't want to have sex before the baby comes and the six weeks after? That could be over two months of no sex! You do realize that right?"
"We will survive. I can still please you other ways. If you want me to. But I'm going to give my body a break. Are you needing to get off right now?" He smiles.
I was in such utter shock but managed to shake my head no. I was not happy with the way the conversation ended, but I know Prince well enough to know it was over for the time being. If I were try to continue it, it would just turn into a fight. I would rather just be unsatisfied and unfulfilled sexually for awhile then to constantly argue with him. I'll just put my focus and energy into preparing for Waverly, with or without him.
And without him it was, for the most part anyway. He did have Mark bring in the cradle and put it in our bedroom. He also said he installed a couple of car seats, but I think he had Mark do that too and claimed he did it. He would point to things like colors of paint or decorations when I brought it to him but he never got off his ass to help in anyway. If I needed help he pawned it off on someone else to assist me. And maybe that all would be ok if I didn't remember how involved he was the first time or if he was doing his part with Devon but that was severely lacking too. For someone who got so impatient when she would interrupt him when he was in the studio, he didn't even try to keep her out of my way when I was working on things for the nursery. At one point, I had to rush her into the bathtub with paint on her, while also cleaning up where she had smeared it, all while hugely pregnant and Prince was passed out in a sitting position on the couch. By the time 39 weeks rolled around, I had done it all basically on my own, or with anyone except Prince. It wasn't as great as Devon's room, but it was the best I could do with the time frame I had, especially when I was also playing mom and dad to a two year old and trying to rest for my upcoming labor and newborn.
On the afternoon of October 29, four days before my due date, I was playing dress up with Devon while Prince napped in our bedroom.

I had her up on the vanity in our bathroom and was applying makeup to her face and she was trying to rip curlers out of her hair. "Devon, you haven't kept them in long enough baby. Leave them in a little longer. Here do your lips like this." I tell her puckering my lips like I was about to give someone a kiss. "Oh my gosh, you're so cute. I'm going to go get my camera. Stay right here." I sign "don't move" to her and she nods her head. I go to my overnight bag and grabbed our camera that I already had packed for the hospital. I snap some pictures of Devon and show them to her. "Here let's take our the rollers and take some more." She helps me remove them and I fix it a little. She looked like a little model and I snapped a few more pictures. "Daddy is going to think you look so pretty. Why don't you go show him while mommy goes pee-pee, ok?" I help her off the countertop and she sashays off to the bedroom as I giggle at her sassiness.
When I join them a couple minutes later, Prince glares at me from the bed where he was at least sitting up with Devon in his lap. "Why does my two and a half year old daughter look like a tramp?"
"What?!" I shriek. "We were playing dress up and make over. She looks pretty and classy. It's not like I'm taking her out like that..."
"You're damn right you aren't. Wash it off her! And leave her hair alone. Let her be proud of her natural hair...."
"Prince! You're taking this all wrong. We were playing like all moms and daughters do. I thought you would love it. She's beautiful! You know I like to experiment with her hair. I try to do things Kim Berry has shown me. I need the practice..."
"Just make her look like a little girl, not a teenager looking to get laid. You keep this up and she's going to be knocked up before she's out of high school."
"You're ridiculous! You don't like it then you wash it off!" I exclaim.
"Daddy don't like it, mommy. He thinks I not pretty." Devon says sadly.
"Nice! Real nice Jensen!" He screams at me. He picks up Devon and says "no baby girl, daddy thinks you are very pretty. But you don't need all this stuff. Daddy thinks you're pretty with no make up on. Let's go take it off." He carries her into the bathroom and I hear the water turning on. "Damn it Jensen! You used my makeup!!!! Why couldn't y'all use yours?!"
"Bc her complexion is closer to yours than mine!!!" I yell back.
"And that really matters when you're just playing?! Don't use my makeup or go through my stuff without permission! Devon no touching daddy's stuff anymore. It's mine. Not yours and not mommy's. Keep your hands off! Got it?!" He says sternly to her.
"Ok..."
"Yes sir!" He corrects her.
"Yes sir." She repeats in a small sad voice. "I sorry daddy."
My eyes immediately filled with tears hearing our daughter desperately wanting to please her daddy who was nothing but a grouchy asshole. Suddenly I hear Devon let out a blood curdling scream and my first instinct was to assume Prince had hit her. I race to the bathroom to see Devon crying hard and not able to speak but making the sign for "hot."
"What's wrong?!" Prince angrily asks her.
"She's signing hot! The water!" I shriek. "God Prince! You're scalding her! Just get out! You're fucking worthless! Just go back to bed!"