Please Be Okay // Dan Howell

Nine ~

*Chapter contains slightly graphic content/ mentions of self harm*
 
Aria's pov

'You make trying worth it' I hadn't been able to get those words out of my head since Dan said them the night before. I had no idea I meant so much to him.
"Aria?" Dan asked. I snapped out of my thoughts and turned to face Dan who was standing next to the bed and smiled at him.
"I have a chemo appointment in half an hour so I have to go." He told me. Right, Cancer I forgot about that.
"Oh, let me come with you." I said getting out of bed.
"No, it's fine Phil's gunna bring me. I'll be back in a couple of hours." He assured.
"Dan, I'm your girlfriend I don't mind going." I said to him.
"Please, just... stay here." He asked. I realized that he probably didn't want to see him like that so I agreed to stay at the apartment. I nodded my head in agreement and walked over to him kissing him softly.
"Text me in a little while okay?" I asked. He nodded and smiled at me before walking out.

I decided to take a shower and get dressed for the day since Dan and I had spent the entirety of the previous day in bed.
So I walked back over to my apartment, showered and brushed my teeth, and put my hair in a messy bun before getting dressed. When I was done, I walked back over to Dan and Phil's place to put away Dans shirt that I was wearing, along with grabbing my clothes from the previous night and my phone which I had left on the table in Dan's bedroom.

I sat on the couch in my apartment for almost two hours watching Tv before I got a text from Dan.
'On our way back, feeling kind of shitty but I'm okay. Can't wait to see you Xx'
I smiled down at my phone.
I quickly got up and walked back over to their apartment, walking to Dan's room to make sure everything was situated for him to rest when he got back.

When Dan and Phil finally got back, I helped Dan to his room and turned the light off before leaving and letting him sleep. His skin was pale and he had bags forming under his eyes. For the first time since I found out about the cancer, I actually believed it.
"The doctor said that the chemo will hopefully shrink the tumor down and prevent any new growth or spreading of the cancer." Phil said. His voice was weak and he looked tired and like he was about to cry.
"He's gunna be okay Phil." I assured him.
"He's not." Phil said quickly. "Normally I would try to be positive and to think on the bright side, but in this case there isn't one. Without the surgery Dan is going to die and there's nothing we can do about it." When he said those words my chest felt like it had been hit with a brick. I felt tears start to sting at my eyes and I ran out of the apartment and back to my own without saying a word to Phil. I wasn't mad at him and I didn't want him to think that. I was just... mad. At myself, at the world, at everything. I ran to my bathroom and felt my breathing start to get harder as I fell into a full on panic attack. I tried to calm my breathing but failed. After a few minutes of crying and wanting everything to stop, I finally gave in and grabbed my blade out of the drawer of the bathroom counter. I dug it deep into my skin over and over again and felt myself begin to calm down as I watched the blood drip from my arm to the floor. My legs grew week and I fell to my knees leaning my head against the cabinet and closing my eyes as I breathed deeply.
Fuck.

******
Another short one I'm sorry. I think the next one will be longer. ♥️♥️