Please Be Okay // Dan Howell

Five ~

Over the next couple of days, hanging out with Dan was weird. I was waiting for a good time to talk to him about what Phil had told me but every time I went to, something came up. Whether it was having to pee or remembering a meeting, it never failed.

After this happening so many times I finally decided to just say it.
"Dan I need to talk to you." I said out of nowhere. Phil seamed to know what I was talking about and quickly left the room. Dan noticed and looked back at me confused.
"What is it?" He asked, a hint worry in his tone.
"Phil told me." I replied. His face relaxed and he broke eye contact with me. "He's really worried about you."
"I know he is..." Dan said. "But I'm fine, really."
"Look, I know it's not really my place but I think you should get the surgery." I suggested. He laughed quietly to himself.
"So does everybody else I've spoken to." He said looking back up at me. "I'll give you the same answer... no."
"Why?" I asked. "I respect if you don't want to and I'm not gunna sit here and beg you because it's your decision. But why?"
"Because... I could lose everything I am. I won't be me anymore I'll just be some... empty shell of a person."
"But if you don't get the surgery, you're gunna die." I said cringing slightly at the words coming out of my mouth. Dan sighed and stood up walking over to me and sitting beside me.
"We're all gunna die." He said quietly. My hands were starting to shake again. He noticed and put his hands on mine gripping them tightly. "I'd rather die in three months, as me... than in however many years I have to live as some... corpse." I wanted to argue with him, but I he was right. If I were him I would probably make the same decision. "I'm sorry, and I know the situation sucks but I just don't want to live like that." I didn't know what to say. I was just listening to all the thoughts running through my head at that moment. I looked down at me and Dan's hands, his still gripping mine an felt a tear fall from my eye.
"I don't want to live without you." I said quietly. Dan moved one of his hands from mine and lifted my chin up looking into my eyes. He stared at me for a long time before he finally leaned in and kissed me. When he pulled away he rested his forehead on mine and I saw a tear escape his perfect brown eyes.
"I'm sorry." He whispered.
"Me too." I said.

   Dan's pov ~

      "I'm sorry." I whispered to Aria pressing my forehead against hers. I felt a tear roll down my face as she whispered back.
"Me too."
      I couldn't help but feel slightly angry at Phil for telling her. I didn't want her to know because I didn't want her to be upset. But at the same time, I was so glad that he had. I had finally done it. I had kissed her. I had been wanted to do that since I met her and knew I didn't have much time left to do so, so I just went for it.
   I pulled my head away from hers and sat back on the couch. She rested her head on my chest and I put my right arm around her, not disconnecting the hand that had been holding hers for the entire time we were talking. We didn't say anything. We just sat there in silence and eventually both drifted off to sleep in each other's comfort.

     Aria's pov ~

        I woke up to Dan moving sharply. I quickly shot up to see him holding his head in pain.
"Oh my God are you okay?" I asked seeing the tears forming in his eyes. He quickly shook his head unable to speak. He closed his eyes tightly as he desperately gripped the side of his head.
"I-I'll go get Phil." I said started to stand up. He grabbed my arm and pulled me back towards him. A tear rolled down his cheek and he just wrapped his arm around me. I took the hint and returned the hugging holding him gently.
"Don't go." He whispered.
"I won't." I promised. He took a few deep breaths and his body relaxed, making it clear that the pain had at least calmed down.
"I'm okay." He said rubbing my back with one hand. "Thank you."
   I pulled away and looked him in the eyes not realizing the tears streaming down my face until I felt Dans hand wiping them away.
"I'm okay." He repeated with more emphasis this time. I nodded my head and wiped the rest of my tears away.
"How about we take a tour tomorrow? Me and Phil can show you around London and try not to get lost." He suggested.
"Are you sure you're up for it?" I asked pushing his curly hair out of his face.
"Of course." He replied smiling. "This doesn't happen too often anyway."
"Okay." I smiled. "I should probably go home..."
"Stay." He said. I smiled at him.
"Okay." I said quietly.