My Unlikely Best Friend

Chapter 51

I quickly tried to mask my alarmed expression and forced a smile to play on my lips, a toothy one at that, because I didn't want her to wonder why I had such a grim look on my face; although, as quickly as the smile came, it melted away just as fast. My woe was beyond all comprehension when I saw her, it was as deep as the eternal depths of space.

I was in denial at first, desperately hoping—wanting for whatever this was to be a dream. Is it? Oh God, please let it be. My heart couldn't possibly fathom it if it wasn't; but if what I'm seeing in front of my very eyes is true, then... what's the meaning of hope? What's the use of it?

Bonnie was laid out on the hospital bed with several white, thick blankets covering her. The poor girl was probably freezing, but to me, it wasn't even really that cold—I felt normal. There was also a long IV tube, containing clear liquid inside of it, that was most likely inserted where her elbow folded; I couldn't see her arm, though, because it was tucked away. I wanted to cry so much but I held it in, not wanting her to see my tears.

Her honey colored eyes, which used to look bright and so full of life only a few months before, despite her progressive illness, were now dull and ghostly—darkness encircled them. Her skin was a grayish-pale and her face was sunken in, making her cheekbones more pronounce. If I were to walk past her, through these hallways, I would've never guessed that she was the little girl I met only a few months ago—she was unrecognizable.

Bonnie's appearance almost was scary to me. My heart wrenched at that realization that I was close to being afraid of her, but even worse, shame and guilt filled my spirit—the very feelings that eat their way into you until they've reach the core of your soul.

The bed was near the window, at her side, allowing the beautiful and natural light to shine throughout her whole room, but for some reason, it still seemed... dark in there. Why did I have a sudden surge of frost vibrate through my bones? Why did I feel like there was a cloud of heavy darkness, hovering right over my head? Was it... was it because of... Bonnie?

My whole face reddened, unable to withhold the tears that were knocking at my eyelids any longer. I quickly placed my hand over my mouth to muffle the sounds of my mild weeping. Ah, I hate that I'm so weak in the worst of times.

“I–I... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to–”

She gasped. “No, don't cry! Please don't cry,” the little girl begged in a small voice that was only as loud as whisper. I immediately stopped and hesitantly pulled my hand away from my face, placing it onto a nearby chair. I then wiped my eyes with my other hand and continued to get closer to her. “If you cry then you're gonna make me cry.”

“I'm... sorry.” I sat, next to her, on the bed. “I didn't mean to. It's just that... it's just that I haven't seen you in so long, that I couldn't contain my happy tears!” I lied.

She was silent for a long second, staring at me with her now small eyes, and for some reason I was somewhat nervous under her scrutiny. “Are you... scared of me?” she asked as if she could see right through me.

My eyes widened—I was stunned by her question. The feeling I felt inside, at that moment, was inexpressible. “Hm, what? Of course not,” I said, shaking my head, “why would you ask me something like that?”

“O–oh, um,” Bonnie paused for a second then looked up at me again. “It's just because when my friend, Jessica, came to visit me...” she trailed off and counted her fingers. “When she came to visit me six days ago... she looked at me the same way you did and said something mean to me.”

I lifted my eyebrow when she stopped speaking. “Well, what did she say?” A moment passed without her answering, before I knew what made her pause and it just crushed me. “Did... did Jessica say that you were, scary?”